Need some input here. I started seeing a guy at the start of February. Recently he started bringing up how he has to study for the CFA level III exam in June. He got very moody and has been really busy with studying. I am a pretty busy person as a competitive athlete, professional in a global marketing firm, and pursuing my MBA. So I get busy and ambition. I have been researching this exam to understand where he is coming from. I have read about how difficult it is and apparently he has failed this third one twice and really wants to pass. He has said he shuold have started studying sooner. I am trying my best to be understanding but it seems as it gets closer to exam time he gets moodier and builds up a worse attitude as his stress over this test builds up. We were suppose to hang out one night and he blew me off becasue he was studying and fell asleep. He said he would come over the next night. that day I asked what time and he said in 3 weeks (after exam). He did end up coming, but i am not sure what to make of all this. I asked him why he was the one who offered to come when he knew he had the studying and he said it was to make me happy. I am trying to be understanding and supportive but I need input from others taking this exam if this is normal behavior. Normally I would not put up with behavior like this from a guy but what i have read about this exam it seems like it is really brutal and hard to date while prepping for it. Any words of advice or input is greatly appreciated!
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There are several other threads that speak to social life/dating specifically. I can tell you my experience, although I’m only on Level 1. I haven’t seen my girlfriend in the past two weeks but for 1.5 hours this past Friday and about 45 minutes last night (Sunday)…and I LIVE WITH HER. While she’s a PhD student, she is finished with her work this semester, so it’s because of my schedule that we haven’t crossed paths. As far as I can see, for the next 2.5 weeks, moments like those fleeting ones we shared over this past weekend may be the best I can expect. I hope this offers some insight into what your ‘guy’ (? boyfriend ?), for lack of a better term, may be going through - especially considering the significantly greater challenge that Level 3 appears to be.
...word is bond...
Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.
Just try to hold on for three more weeks. If you really like him, it’s not that long to wait. Do some things that you like for yourself and just let him study. He probably won’t mind having time to be alone and study.
If he’s not better after the exam, then you can ask yourself if he’s a keeper. If he’s really into you, he will want to catch up on all the hanging out he’s been missing with you.
You want a quote? Haven’t I written enough already???
Thanks, I do appreciate the input. I just don’t know if I am being too needy by hoping for more of a phone conversation with him every night or what not. We do live about 30 minutes from each other. When we have seen each other we have studied together which has been nice. I guess I should consider the fact that he has made an effort to see me.
You mean to tell us that he has time to actually respond to your emails/calls? Sounds like he’s not dedicating enough time to pass this go round. Kidding.
As you’ve determined, it’s a high pressure exam (fail and you wait a whole year to retake) and takes up a lot of time. There should be time for a brief study break at some point (coffee, lunch, whatever), and the good news is June 2nd is almost here and this will all be over then.
totally normal behavior, especially for someone who failed L3 two times already. immense pressure. Nothing on you at all. I would agree with bchad, except to add 1 thing: You need to give him maybe a week or two to normalize.
I felt like a zombie after L2, and needed 2 weeks to become a normal person again.
If after that he’s pushing you off, then maybe it’s time to part ways.
Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.
Oh, and don’t fight with him during the next 3 weeks. If you do, and he ends up failing, you’re going to be the targeted as the reason, and then the relationship is surely going to die.
Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.
Realy appreciate the input here. I find myself asking am I being a crazy girl? I really like him and want to make sure I am supporting him. I think I was being to hard on him at first which is why i decided to really look into this. All my friends say lose the guy he should give you more attention. However I know what it is like to be under pressure and to achieve certain goals, so before I write him off, I really wanted to look into this.
^ Just curious: Were the friends saying to “lose him” males? because they may have their own motives.. haha i’m just always skeptical of people
But seriously, anyone who knows what it takes to toil and work very hard to achieve somethign difficult should understanding what he’s going through
Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.
It is female friends that say it
Iteracom’s right that you may need a little while to normalize after the exam too, so he won’t quite be “himself,” but he won’t have quite the same time pressures, and should be able to find time to make it up.
It’s pretty common after the exam that people who take it decide that it’s time to make up for time lost between family and friends. However, they may need a few days to figure out exactly what that means he needs to do - while studying, you can forget what it’s like to go out and do things and plan things, so you have to start that part of your brain up again. You might jump start the process by suggesting a few things to get the motor turning (that isn’t a euphemism for anything, but I suppose if it were, that’s always nice too). Keep them simple, though, because his brain may not be up for complex planning yet.
The one fly in the ointment is that probably he is putting off stuff with his work life too, and his bosses may be on top of him to make up on that front too. Still, there should be at least a little more time for you either way.
Also, be aware that people studying for this exam definitely remember if their partners were supportive of them or not during the exam prep and final push. He is definitely noticing whether you are being supportive or needy at this moment, and you should know that if he’s an even halfway decent guy, you are racking up major points with him by being supportive; you can also lose a lot by being too needy here.
Hanging out and studying together is nice though. If you just want to be near him, bring a book for yourself and a cupcake for him (if he likes those) and let him study while you sit nearby and read. You’ll enjoy just being near him, he vice-versa, and yet he can still study.
Good luck.
You want a quote? Haven’t I written enough already???
Funny story, I met a couple at a gala a few months ago were the guy is in marketing and the girl was a cfa candidate. We obviously got into the discussion of how it affects their relationship and the guy came out as saying he’s gotten so good at COD thanks to her so he’s immensely happy. She’s focused so she doesn’t ming and he doesn’t bug her so win-win.
^ I would have went with Halo3, but COD is alrite too
Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.
Here is another question. Day of the exam I want to give him as a fun little thing a few things to get him through the exam including #2 pencils. Any ideas on “survival” things you wish you had on you to get through exam day?
CFAI is very picky about what goes into the exam room, so it’s better not to go there. Here are two alternatives:
1) Pack him a lunch that he likes. Just make sure it doesn’t include anything that would give him a sugar crash
2) Pick him up after the exam and take him to a nice quiet dinner. Maybe a movie afterwards (theater or home). Realize that he may be exhausted, however, so his attention span may be a bit short. But that never stopped a guy from wanting to curl up with his honey after a long hard day.
You want a quote? Haven’t I written enough already???
Studying With
From what I have been experiencing, meal times could score you a ton of points. Going out to get food, or even making food costs precious minutes (yes, I closely track minutes) of study time. Bring him a couple meals and you will be treated like a Queen for the rest of the summer (if I was in charge ha ha). Its the last couple percent that this whole month is about, and everyone is deathly afraid of getting very close but not passing. That is the fear that drives everyone to study an unnatural amount.
Agreed… making a meal or two for him will rack you up major points here, big time. Just make sure you target what time he’s going to be ready to take them. Practice exams are generally 3 hours long (6 hours if you do the full thing), so you’d want to target when he is ready to eat.
You want a quote? Haven’t I written enough already???
forget about dating, even masturbating should be avoided…..
^ there is always time for self love Frank. It is a great stress reliever.
You can fondle the cube, but it will not respond.
So even his horrible attitude during all this, I should give him a get out of jail free card?
That’s a choice you need to make. If you really care about him and see a future together, then to me, it’s not a get out of jail card at all. He needs support in his time of need right now. are you going to give it to him?
Now, if you’re just in it for the fun and instant gratification, and don’t want to deal with it, then fine. dump him and move on.
Or are you trying to say that if you do him this good thing now, you will expect him to pay you back ?
Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.
I’ve been on this board a while and I never recall a significant other coming on here for advice. +1 for the guts to ask.
Studying With
I think bchad had a great suggestion about packing a nice lunch for exam day.
The last few weeks before the exam are pretty intense–I wouldn’t put much stock into anything he says or does in terms of what it means for your overall relationship. You just need to decide whether you want to be supportive for three more weeks. It’s understandable if you don’t think it’s worth it, but it’s not too much longer to wait!
Thanks, I just really wanted to understand what he is going through and I have heard people say the CFA is tough, but I am not in finance I am in marketing, I do not know anything about this test. We are a pretty new relationship and I like him a lot and see a future. I figured what better way to get advice then going to the source. I dont want to nag him with too many questions and ask him but is it really this test and sound needy. I am sure that will just distract him from studying.
OP’s boyfriend is lucky. Being a supportive significant other: You’re doing it right.
As mentioned, packing him a lunch and helping with taking him to/from the exam center are all nice things to do.
And one final thing no one has mentioned: In three months, when he gets his results (assuming you’re still together), GRANT HIM SOME GODDAMNED PERSPECTIVE. Jesus, yes, the exam is important, but failing the CFA exam is such a first-world-problem. The CFA exam doesn’t lend itself well to one’s spouse or S.O. serving as a “study buddy”, but y’all can serve as an important reminder that there is more to life than this exam.
I guess that depends on what you mean by “horrible attitude.” If it just means that he’s stressed and unavailable, then I’d cut him some slack. If he’s actually mean and nasty to you, that’s something different.
And you’re not giving him a get out of jail free card, you’re just holding off to see if he makes up for it afterwards. If he doesn’t, then go ahead and dump him. But quite honestly, I think putting up with his being distant for a few weeks and possibly developing a great relationship afterwards with someone likely to do very well for himself vs. deciding you don’t want to deal with it anymore… I’d give him the three weeks and see what happens. Three weeks is peanuts in the grand scheme of things, particularly if you see a future.
Now, assuming that you have decided to go through with being supportive and make a lunch for him. Go ahead and slip in a little note to discover when he pulls out the sandwich and have it say you’re proud of him and you’re behind him 100% and looking forward to picking him when he’s done no matter how well he thinks it went. We guys can’t admit that we like that stuff, but it still feels really good in a stressful moment.
Of course, if you happen to be dating AF forum member transferpricingCFA, I change my mind and recommend that you run. Run away as fast as you can. ;-)
You want a quote? Haven’t I written enough already???
The absolute 100% best thing you can do is go take a vacation and call him after june 2nd. The best you can expect from him is him trying to be polite so he can get back to work.
The whole experience is a brainwash.
What do you mean the whole experience is a brainwash?
bchad, you could open a course for women on “how to win a man over”
Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and greatest weakness.
Studying With
Ekcrew,
Don’t worry about it…let him study. The difficulty of the CFA program calls upon people to give up a lot.
I love my horse, and I am paying another girl to ride him right now.
Studying With
Please give this guy some time off.
I have bad experience before. The story was like, my job is killing me, have to work overtime at night and cannot get sickleave (i was really sick at that moment). And I was so unlucky having a very unsupportive and demanding girlfriend at that time, have to go out every weekend despite I have repeatedly saying “Leave me alone. I need to study. I am not dating anyone. Trust me.” . I think I get my message across quite nicely, but she obviously doesn’t understand. So the story was that I failed that L2 exam.
Weekend is the most valuable study time. During weekdays I think I am just like everyone else, most people get so tired afterwork and their brian can only function with 50% capacity.
Ekcrew, it seems you are supportive enough and caring enough to go posting on this forum. That’s good for you.
I wish you the best. and Good luck your boy friend’s Exam
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