Online Dating!

so I recently put a profile up on Match.com, paid $60 for 3 months, and am not getting responses. - I’m not a bad looking guy, have a decent profile, and most importantly am a CFA charterholder (:-)). WTF?? Anyone out there done this, tips?? Also do girls ever email a guy first or is the guy always supposed to initiate (like most of the time in real life)? Please advise.

I usually just go to the bar.

Post your profile so we can give you tips. You probably wrote the wrong things in your profile if you are decent looking and are making a decent income (presumably, with your CFA) but not getting any responses. Keep in mind also that dating in general, and online dating specifically, is much, much harder for men than for women. Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive, and women know it. To consistently pull quality women you need to have some kind of edge (lots of money, good looks, fame, or mad game); average is not getting it done.

I have no intention to offend but for some reason I have always thought online dating is for social misfits - if you can not create interactions from friends, family, friends of friends and others, may be it is a lifestyle issue? What do you do when you are not working and studying CFA?

Freakanomics covers this topic …you can have a quick read…pretty interesting…

JOE2010 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I have no intention to offend but for some reason > I have always thought online dating is for social > misfits - if you can not create interactions from > friends, family, friends of friends and others, > may be it is a lifestyle issue? > > What do you do when you are not working and > studying CFA? This is caveman mentality. To the OP, brace the new technology. It is just another way to meet someone (one way among many, why not have that card in your deck?).

former trader Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > JOE2010 Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I have no intention to offend but for some > reason > > I have always thought online dating is for > social > > misfits - if you can not create interactions > from > > friends, family, friends of friends and others, > > may be it is a lifestyle issue? > > > > What do you do when you are not working and > > studying CFA? > > > This is caveman mentality. To the OP, brace the > new technology. It is just another way to meet > someone (one way among many, why not have that > card in your deck?). Nice.

JOE2010- I’m certainly not a social misfit. My personal situation, I think, best lends itself to online dating: Recently divorced, in a city with no family, few friends (and they are married). I’ve gone to bars on occasion and maybe it’s just the ones I’ve been to but I find they really aren’t conducive to meeting women, with the loud music and all. I am in my mid-30s. Work is a good opportunity for me, but I have to be very very careful there. I think the key is having a network of local friends, but as I mentioned above I don’t because I am relatively new here- moving is out of the question as I have a kid. On another note I think online dating can be great, and def. see huge potential with it. The problem I see is that it may be more effective for women than for men, as the other poster mentioned.

L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > JOE2010- I’m certainly not a social misfit. My > personal situation, I think, best lends itself to > online dating: Recently divorced, in a city with > no family, few friends (and they are married). > I’ve gone to bars on occasion and maybe it’s just > the ones I’ve been to but I find they really > aren’t conducive to meeting women, with the loud > music and all. I am in my mid-30s. > Work is a good opportunity for me, but I have to > be very very careful there. > I think the key is having a network of local > friends, but as I mentioned above I don’t because > I am relatively new here- moving is out of the > question as I have a kid. > > On another note I think online dating can be > great, and def. see huge potential with it. The > problem I see is that it may be more effective for > women than for men, as the other poster mentioned. Okay - this makes more sense now. Good luck.

L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > so I recently put a profile up on Match.com, paid > $60 for 3 months, and am not getting responses. - > I’m not a bad looking guy, have a decent profile, > and most importantly am a CFA charterholder (:-)). > WTF?? > Anyone out there done this, tips?? Also do girls > ever email a guy first or is the guy always > supposed to initiate (like most of the time in > real life)? > Please advise. I’ve dated via online in the past. More often than not, you need to email the female first, and write a genuine message. My neighbor and I joined the same site, and you would not believe some of the sht guys would write to her. Some appeared copied and pasted, some had awful grammar/spelling, and some just said, “Want to hook up?” If you can construct a decent tailored compelling message, you’ll rise far above most of the clowns that she would hear from. Good luck.

Sometimes you can send online flirts, but really flirts are for women to invite men to write them, the guy is supposed to be the one to indicate interest (by the way, that’s something good about being a guy… yes, it sucks to get shot down (and online it isn’t so bad, usually you just get ignored), but at least you get to show interest in people you are interested in. Lots of women feel that they can’t get the guys they want to even notice). When I’ve done online dating, I’ve occasionally been approached by women, and actually, I think my last serious GF was the one who initiated the conversation. However, you widen your universe by orders of magnitude if you have the guts to press “send” on an email. It helps to be clever, witty, attentive, and show that you’ve actually read her profile and thought about it rather than just see a pretty picture and say “wanna git 2gether later 2nite.” Any moderately cute woman will have a mailbox that overflows, so anything that makes her think that you’re not just a hit-it-and-run kinda guy is likely to strike some response.

L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > so I recently put a profile up on Match.com, paid > $60 for 3 months, and am not getting responses. - > I’m not a bad looking guy, have a decent profile, > and most importantly am a CFA charterholder (:-)). > WTF?? great move - in my town the ratio is like 80/20 girls to guys on those sites. a few of my buddies made profiles a couple of summers ago and totally cleaned up. i’m guessing you’re looking for ‘the one’ or someone who’s ‘just right.’ don’t do that. just look for people to have fun with and get out there. you can easily get 2-3 dates a week out of that.

JOE2010 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I have no intention to offend but for some reason > I have always thought online dating is for social > misfits - if you can not create interactions from > friends, family, friends of friends and others, > may be it is a lifestyle issue? > > What do you do when you are not working and > studying CFA? How big is the rock that you live under?

My guess is that if your profile isn’t getting enough attention, you might be coming across as being too serious or matter-of-fact. Put something in your profile that’s funny, charismatic, mysterious, and thought-provoking…women live for that type of stuff whether it’s online or off-line.

numi Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > My guess is that if your profile isn’t getting > enough attention, you might be coming across as > being too serious or matter-of-fact. Put something > in your profile that’s funny, charismatic, > mysterious, and thought-provoking…women live for > that type of stuff whether it’s online or > off-line. … i smell a new dimension you can take your consulting business to… :wink:

Ok peeps- this is the “in my own words” section: Maybe Numi is right that it’s too serious and matter-of-fact??? Please comment. I am friendly, caring, and generally outgoing. I think of myself as analytical/thoughtful/deep- I try to look at things with multiple perspectives when possible, because I realize life is not black and white, there are grey areas that need consideration. I’m a work-in-progress; I’ll never stop trying to better myself. Maintaining an active lifestyle is important to me- for me that usually means going to gym or playing sports, or just getting out and going for a long walk in nature. Being physically active helps me not just physically but mentally. There are so many things in life we don’t have control over, and that we should understand the things we do and act accordingly- I really try to live my life this way, and I’d hope a potential partner would too. My son means the world to me. I always cherish my time with him, no matter what we do. I’m looking for someone with a sense of humor and good head on her shoulders.

Reads like a tombstone, son. Either the offering document for public stock or the granite slab over a dead person, take your pick. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT A FUNNY WRITER, relate a couple of funny facts about yourself! Write something a little goofy that shows you’re not all brooding and self-improvement focused. Being into self-improvement is awesome (hell, it’s why we’re all on these boards), but you need some stuff that will, ideally, make her laugh out loud and paint you as a guy worth taking a shot on. I don’t mean you need to make yourself sound like a ‘wild-and-crazy-guy’, just write up a few funny things, if you can. “I am not evil. Never once in my whole life have I stroked a cat held chest high and described plans for destroying the earth’s water supply.” “I own a fine collection of Christmas-themed sweaters. If we end up dating for a long period of time, I will task you with the responsibility of telling my mom that they are, in fact, my favorite, and that I wear them all the time.” The women you meet are going to have PLENTY OF TIME to find out that you’re mature, a great father to your son, a good provider with a strong self-improvement streak, etc. But the objective on these dating sites is not to provide a complete dossier on everything they would want to know before marrying you. You just want to provide enough info on you that they get a little color around who you are and think you’d be worth an e-mail (or that they wouldn’t refuse an e-mail from you).

L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Ok peeps- this is the “in my own words” section: > Maybe Numi is right that it’s too serious and > matter-of-fact??? Please comment. > > I am friendly, caring, and generally outgoing. I > think of myself as analytical/thoughtful/deep- I > try to look at things with multiple perspectives > when possible, because I realize life is not black > and white, there are grey areas that need > consideration. I’m a work-in-progress; I’ll never > stop trying to better myself. Maintaining an > active lifestyle is important to me- for me that > usually means going to gym or playing sports, or > just getting out and going for a long walk in > nature. Being physically active helps me not just > physically but mentally. There are so many things > in life we don’t have control over, and that we > should understand the things we do and act > accordingly- I really try to live my life this > way, and I’d hope a potential partner would too. > My son means the world to me. I always cherish my > time with him, no matter what we do. > I’m looking for someone with a sense of humor and > good head on her shoulders. Oh dear… you’ve got to do better than that. You’re marketing yourself dude. The first thing you gotta think “What’s in it for her!” Make her imagine what fun it’s going to be to spend time with you, what possibilities are going to open up for activities, affection, making her feel good, etc… You want to give her a flavor of what it might be like to talk to you, and so a sample of your thinking.

supersadface Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Reads like a tombstone, son. Either the offering > document for public stock or the granite slab over > a dead person, take your pick. > > EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT A FUNNY WRITER, relate a couple > of funny facts about yourself! Write something a > little goofy that shows you’re not all brooding > and self-improvement focused. Being into > self-improvement is awesome (hell, it’s why we’re > all on these boards), but you need some stuff that > will, ideally, make her laugh out loud and paint > you as a guy worth taking a shot on. I don’t mean > you need to make yourself sound like a > ‘wild-and-crazy-guy’, just write up a few funny > things, if you can. > > “I am not evil. Never once in my whole life have > I stroked a cat held chest high and described > plans for destroying the earth’s water supply.” > > “I own a fine collection of Christmas-themed > sweaters. If we end up dating for a long period > of time, I will task you with the responsibility > of telling my mom that they are, in fact, my > favorite, and that I wear them all the time.” > > The women you meet are going to have PLENTY OF > TIME to find out that you’re mature, a great > father to your son, a good provider with a strong > self-improvement streak, etc. But the objective > on these dating sites is not to provide a complete > dossier on everything they would want to know > before marrying you. You just want to provide > enough info on you that they get a little color > around who you are and think you’d be worth an > e-mail (or that they wouldn’t refuse an e-mail > from you). HAHA!!! It really is awful- you are right- I jazzed it up real good, actually completely rewrote it. It’s going from one extreme to another now, though i didnt make it over the top.

Nice suggestions from supersadface - I laughed out loud. L3BeatIt, let’s see the updated version!