http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/blog/2011/05/is_he_out_of_love_or_just_busy.html Q: Hi Meredith, Long time, first time. Back story is that I started dating my best friend of about five years this past September. He is the most kindhearted, gentle, and fun person I know. He has seen me go through my share of bad relationships and heartache. He’s two years older than me and this is his first real relationship and longest relationship. We both started to like each other early last year but didn’t act on it until the summer. We were scared to cross the line and he was studying for Part 2 of the CFA (crazy finance test!) all last winter/spring so I didn’t want to distract him. He was always the one pushing for us to start dating once it was on the table, and after spending time with him, I grew to love him. It’s by far the best relationship I’ve been in and he treats me so well I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him (I’m 23. I’ve been around the block. I’ve known him for 5 years). He is in the thick of studying for part 3 of the CFA right now and has been since January. The test is in early June. I have been incredibly understanding about his priority (passing this test!). When his job and the studying became extra stressful last month, he threw a curve ball at me and said that he felt like something was missing in our relationship but that he couldn’t decipher if it was his external stresses or just us. We decided to work on it, but more recently the conversation came back up and he said he still feels something is missing. I’m deeply hurt by this and I really just hope it’s the stress of the CFA that is sucking the life out of him, but I also don’t think it’s fair for me to sit around and wait until after the CFA for my “trial period” to be up. We called it off last night and I’m just looking for some help on how I should be feeling about this situation and what to do after the CFA is over in June. Reevaluate? Move on? Is he just a commitment-phobe? – CFA is ruining my life, Boston A: There isn’t anything you can do besides treat this like a breakup, CFAIRML. From what you’ve told us, he isn’t begging you to wait it out until June to see what’s what. He told you twice that something was missing from the relationship. After discussing it more, you called it off. That’s your reality. If he comes running back to you in June you can reevaluate if you want, but there’s no need to plan for that now. There’s no guarantee that he’ll change his mind in a month. And it’s only May 9th. My guess is that this isn’t about the CFA stuff. I would bet that his problem is that he hasn’t been around the block like you have so he doesn’t know exactly what he wants from this relationship after a year of dating. That’s enough to kill something good. As for how to deal, I want you to give yourself space and try not to fantasize about June. I know it’s tempting to play out the post-CFA possibilities, but I fear that your dreams about his potential revelations will just leave you disappointed. Treat this like a real ending with anger, pep talks, misery, shopping, and whatever else you do to get over a loss. Because for now, that’s what it is – an ending, not a pause. Make May more important than June. Give yourself what you need right now. Readers? Is this really about the CFA thing? Anyone taken that test? Should she wait until June to see how he really feels? Is it possible that he’s just overwhelmed? Or should he be doing more to keep her around? Discuss.
dear god thats priceless! Has it realy come to this Isnt AndrewUNH from boston? Why arent you showing ur gf any love!
I’m pretty sure living in Boston is the part that is ruining her life.
Now that he’s about to get that sweet promotion to VP and the charter he’s thinking of doing some asset turnover. She doesn’t get it. Women --> NPV goes negative at 24
It is just me, or i look at CFA like an accessory and i would have chose between CFA and relationship CFA would be dropped like it is hot…? So you fail it once, big whoop…
I think my favorite part is her concise description of the CFA - “crazy finance test!” Next time I have to tell a lay-person what it is, I’m going with that.
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It is just me, or i look at CFA like an accessory > and i would have chose between CFA and > relationship CFA would be dropped like it is > hot…? So you fail it once, big whoop… whereas relationships are a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? 
agree with your assessment btw.
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It is just me, or i look at CFA like an accessory > and i would have chose between CFA and > relationship CFA would be dropped like it is > hot…? So you fail it once, big whoop… Depends on how good of a relationship they had…sounds to me that he was just looking for an excuse to get out.
The girl should have been more understanding. As we all know, May is the peak stressful time. Her loss!
Why in the WORLD would he break up WHILE studying for CFA? You’re not going to have the time / energy to go out and find new tail until post exam. So you obviously maintain the current gf until exam day. Duh! The only logical conclusion here is that he has met someone on the side.
I thought we already decided that he broke up with her to prepare for the supermodels who will want to date him after he passes Level 3.
ohai Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I thought we already decided that he broke up with > her to prepare for the supermodels who will want > to date him after he passes Level 3. +1000 When I was studying for L1, my girlfriend at the time had the decency to wait until AFTER the exam to break up with me.
Mehh, maybe he’s just into guys. WTF
Black Swan Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Why in the WORLD would he break up WHILE studying > for CFA? You’re not going to have the time / > energy to go out and find new tail until post > exam. So you obviously maintain the current gf > until exam day. Duh! The only logical conclusion > here is that he has met someone on the side. she broke up w him…
Oh, I thought it was a mutual thing.
I thought when someone says a breakup was “mutual”, it generally means that they were dumped.
Good for him. Any skeet willing to admit to millions of strangers they’ve been around the block shouldn’t meet mom. She should just meet the headboard. In 5 years when this guy is running the back office at fidelity this trick will still be looking for a guy to measure up to this boss.
jcole21 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Good for him. Any skeet willing to admit to > millions of strangers they’ve been around the > block… Jcole, while I understand your logic, I think you are thinking of a different usage of the idiom. I would guess that this girl meant by “around the block” that she’d been in different relationships and wasn’t just head-over-heels with the first guy she ever dated. I don’t think she was telling the newspaper advice columnist that she was the village mattressback.
To jcole’s point, while she may not have intended it literally, the fact that she was stupid enough to unintentionally use the phrase and cocky enough to basically say “I consider myself experienced” in front of everybody, probably means it’s a good descriptor. Factor in the fact that people with low intelligence generally mimic words they hear like a parrot, and it probably means she’s been refferred to in that manner unwittingly.
Yeah, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Saying that you’ve “been around the block” didn’t always mean that you slept with every ese in every bodega on that block. But she obviously chose a dumb turn of phrase. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that she’s blonde. In any case, she sees her meal ticket about to graduate to the next level, and guess what you dumb b*tch, the selfish pr*ck you have been dating isn’t gonna take you with him. Whammy.