My boyfriend will be sitting for level II along with many of you on June 1st, and as such has been preparing tirelessly for quite some time. My question to all of you is: what would be the most helpful support you could receive from a partner to get you through this difficult time? Obviously I do my best to do much of the cleaning/shopping/laundry, etc. when possible, but what sort of emotional support can I offer? I know it’s not helpful to say “I know you’ll pass” for example, but I want to be able to give some sort of reassurance since he’s not able to muster that up for himself.
Basically, it’s really hard for me to watch him work so hard while his confidence decreases with each passing mock exam, when to me it seems like he should be really pleased with his scores! What would be the best thing for all of you to hear at this point to make the next few weeks go a little more smoothly?
Yesssss, some R-rated material to get me through the day. Lets hear it itera.
To the OP, try to stay out of the house if possible once all those chores are done. When my gf gets home from work my productivity declines greatly through no fault of her own, it just makes a distraction for me. Its my own fault really for not being able to focus when shes home, but that is what helps me. Everything else youre doing sounds great. Good advice on what not to say from Greenman too.
Plan a trip for the two of you after the exam. That is what my wife did and it was great to help me get my mind out of CFA mode. Also, it will be good for your relationship. I second what Black Swan said thta you sound like a good gf.
Really, you do need to be patient with him - it’s just a few more weeks.
Let him know that you miss him by telling him, BUT then add that you understand he needs his time up to the exam day, and let him be (aside from brief breaks). The first half tells him that you’re still wanting to be with him; the second tells him that you’re not saying it to put pressure on him and that he can continue studying without feeling guilty about it (if he’s a good BF, he will already feel bad about not being able to spend as much time with you. You can reassure him that you are looking forward to doing lots of fun things with him after the exam. If you have a few ideas that you are confident he will like too, you can even whet his imagination with them.
Cooking or wrapping up little treats for a study break is a nice touch, if you’re into that.
Realize that after the exam is over, he may need a few days before he can rediscover his old self. If he’s a good BF, he will want to spend time with you and make up for all the time he’s been doing exam prep instead of you. Just don’t expect him to shift into high gear on that immediately after the exam; he’ll need a little time to get his bearings and figure out what comes next. Also, some of his regular non-exam work may have piled up and need attending to. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t important too, but you need to factor in that he will have some catching up to do with you and catching up to do with work, so set your expectations appropriately.
If your relationship is good and he’s a good guy, he will *want* to reconnect with you; he just may be a little dazed and confused and not know exactly how to do it. You can have a few suggestions handy on the sunday after the exam and let him choose the one he likes, then he’ll feel like he’s the man even though you’ve kinda done a bit of the pre-legwork. If he feels like the man, that will help him get back to treating you right, because he’ll start to remember what being good to you feels like.
But yeah, leave him alone and feed his manly-needs (wink wink). Maybe throw in a massage sometime. Not much you can do to help emotionally, seriously the worst thing is when people say “I’m sure you’ll do fine”, or “I know you’ll pass”.
Thank you all for the advice! I will keep trying to be helpful and otherwise stay out of the way. I hope you all know your significant others are as anxious for June 2nd as you all are! (well, almost).
I’ll only add that stress relief doesn’t have to be R rated. A message works just as good. When you cook, something that can be finished in 10 mins is helpful, something you can hold on your hand is even better.
supportQ, I’m the gf sitting for level 3 this year, And the best thing my bf does (And did for other levels) are grocery shopping, laundry, hugs when I feel down, And space. No such thing as “stop studying, i don’t get to see you…” which is hard but very helpful. best you can do is to be flexible and gove him the time he needs. Also I’m extremely stressful nervous and prone to anger a month before each exam… and my bf’s an absolute angel! He knows I’ll get back to normal when the exam is done, so he handles my bad temper quite well! Keep in mind that this is just a one off ! good luck!
Just let me know! lol