you’re thinking this will be a qbee’esque post about hiw i have MBA and CFA and CPA and i look job not back office… but it is not.
Before I continue let me clarify I’m not a newbie. I just changed handles because my first one, with all its glorious street cred… was unfortunately way lacking in privacy. So I’m back a little more incognito. Those of you who would remember me will probably figure it out anyway… but let’s keep it between us.
OK- let’s get to the nitty gritty. Yesterday- in a moment of foolishness I signed up for Match.com. I know there have been plenty of online dating threads… but this is different. Because I’m a girl. its been one day and so far i’m in the WTF phase. Some notes:
apparently I attract men that are 15+ years older than me (even though my profile indicated I’m not interested).
I also attract people who take mirror shots on their smart phones making pouty faces (really?!?)
people with kids (sorry- I’m not that good a person)
people who post pics of their car in their profile (nice mustang?)
… so now I’m conflicted… batting average is piss poor (15% response rate right now) but I’d rather it be 1% if all the above would skip over me. At this point I view this as intra-day comic relief. I’ve spewed coffee out my nose 2x already reading some of these profiles. I’ll take the entertainment for another couple days and then my interest will probably wane and I’ll never log in again. Whats a girl to do? IS this normal?? do guys get spammed by ladies with no sense of self awareness?
I think the main issue is that I’m in dallas. I really need to leave this town. This brings us to RFP #2 : NYC or Chi?? I can choose - anyone have opinions they’d like to share?
I would probably take a longer sample than 24 hours to figure out who you’re attracting on a site like this.
NYC has a bad M:F ratio for women in terms of single women to available men (DC is worse for women). I don’t know about Chicago, but the winters are horrific there.
I have heard many horror stories from friends/others using online dating services - all of whom eventually found their partner/spouse in the old-fashioned way. I never used online dating, but I am sure that the problem isn’t Dallas - creepiness is an issue in every city.
Chicago is much cheaper than NY. Also, there is a pretty active scene for young single ladies going after somewhat older but wealthy traders and brokers. From your post, it seems that you are not into that though…
NY during winter is still somewhat ok. I have never been to Chicago in the winter, but everyone I talk to who has lived there says it’s the worst. It can’t be that bad, right? Right??
As for why your profile is attracting sketchy characters… I don’t know. Not enough info…
I was just in Chicago a couple of months ago, really enjoy that city – the Magnificient Mile is fantastic. But I’ve never been there during winter. You should visit in December to see if you can deal with that level of frozen. Overall, at least in the summer, Chicago is a lot better than Dallas, that’s for sure. I visited Dallas for the first time back in June, and while it’s better than Houston, I think we all know that’s a pretty low bar (let’s be honest, Houston is basically the arm pit of America as far as large cities go).
15% is not a terrible ratio. Is that worse than going out and randomly meeting people? When I’m state side, I find that I’m only visually attracted to 5 or, at most, 10% of women I see out and about (and that’s before talking to them, which is another cut off point). Granted, we live in the United States of Fat Chicks, so it is what it is, but 15% sounds decent for a first round cut.
Maybe you should change your approach and do a targeted search of the kind of men you find interesting and send them a message instead of waiting for the riff raff to find you.
I think I intimidate people and I want someone who doesn’t resent my success. Maybe I’m completely off in my people reading skills and this is not the case at all- but at this point thats what I’m thinking it is. It’s f’d up that if you’re a girl who is independent, has a good career, is not kicked in the face, cares about her appearence, is smart and has (in my opinion) a decent perspective on life … you are basically going to scare off most people worth a try. I work in a man’s industry, so even though I’d have my pick, office dating is not an option. I’m not going to be “that girl”.
In terms of what I want its very strange. If I were to build a prototype it would be russel crowe crica gladiator with louis ck’s wit and razor sharp intelligence, and a sense of passion for something… along with some decent old fashioned values. (too much to ask?). I life experience though i tent to “click” with really diverse people and all that goes out the door.
… yeah- I just don’t want to actually pay. I’m not fat. I’m also not american. Which is why I can do math and wear heels and cook. I know the 15% isn’t bad. At this rate I’ll have 20 dates a night. I guess I’ll take the trolling as expected and be ruthless in denials.
What you’re asking for is what most women say they want. No problems there.
I wonder, is it all right with you if the guy isn’t as successful as you are? The reason I ask is that I know a bunch of attractive successfu finance chicks that basically think any guy who makes less money than they do is worthless.
The problem is, the guys who do make more money than they do generally don’t like them very much. These guys aren’t so much intimidated by these chicks so much as they think they are bitches. Therefore the wealthy guys seem to opt for chicks who are younger, prettier, and in general nicer.
I had dinner with a chick (Harvard, Goldman) the other night who was lamenting the same thing as you. I told her, get a guy with a sweet personality and six pack. You’re successful, he doesn’t need to be.
She responds, “Yeah, that six-pack, that’s your job, honey.”
If the man you seek even exists, he’s not on Match.com.
I want a lingerie model who looks like Melanie Iglesias, but who also has a charming personality, was educated at Harvard, and comes from an extremely wealthy family. I’m still looking.
You don’t need to pay. Just approach, either online, or in person, men you’re interested in. If you’re everything you said in your profile, there will be plenty of interest.
lol… thats what I’m saying… I’m actually completely realistic. I’ve often been the half of the couple that makes people wonder “how did that happen??”. Even though I’d think this would be a positive, it ends up being an issue because the guy gets insecure. Usually I get relegated to friend territory though- which I know doesn’t really exist girl >> guy.
I’m a late bloomer and I know how to hang with the guys, I just don’t know how to allow for the cross over into romantic interest I guess. I think I’m relatively attractive. I catch guys staring at me all the time… but maybe thats because I have stuff in my teeth and not because i’m “being really, really, ridiculously good looking”
i would take no issue if the guy was less successful in their career as long as THEY were ok with it. But I’m starting to get the feeling that the need to be a “provider” is ingrained in your DNA and there will always be issues of insecurity and resentment. That the brutal truth from what I can tell.
Hmm, you really just defined me and most of my friends. Unfortunately, we’re all already with successful, attractive, smart women who realize that there is more to life than being successful, attractive and smart.
Not me. I’d be happy as Hell to quit my job and spend my time on a million things I want to do (examples: traveling everywhere, heli-skiing, mountaineering, studying all sorts of useless stuff like 19th century literature and history). And when the time comes, I’d love to spend a disproportionate amount of time with my children turning them into the next Williams Sisters/Tiger Woods. Although for this to work, you’d need to be black.
how so? Do you know my definition of success?? Maybe you’ve just hit the nail on the head and this is the type of reaction I inspire. People who actually know me understand this is not the case. I’ve been through way too much shi$ in my life to even approach having making MD be my goal in life. I believe is self realization- I gain great satisfaction in being the “best me” as corny as that sounds. That generally begets the afformentioned results even though they may not even neccesarily be my goal.
I was online dating for awhile. I’m in good shape. I’m very active, and despite that I’d constantly get spammed by 200+ lb heifers. You just kinda scratch your head and go really?! But at the same time, I got a lot of great dates out of it too, so it’s not a total loss. I think guys with car pictures (maybe the guys are transformers?) are analogous to girls posting up pictures of their goddam pets. Oh, okay, really? So you turn into a cat? You also learn to look at things like the arms on girls in upper body pictures to tell how much weight they’re packing below where the picture’s cropped, and that clicking through photos is like watching them age in a time lapse with the old / hefty pics at the end. I imagine all that is pretty similar to what girls experience. Pointer - don’t have guys in your pics unless they are clearly labeled as a family member.
Anyhow, from my conversations with girls, they do tend to just get spammed by massive ammounts of guys sending out emails. If you don’t learn to be selective and efficient with it as a girl, from what I hear, you’ll quickly sink too much time and get tired of it. Anyhow, it is possible to find some great dates out of it, from my own experience and that of some of the girls I’ve talked to. So give it a fair try. That being said. I went back to dating people through my real life social network after a few months and it seems a lot of people do that.
NY or Chicago. Chicago is colder, in the winter, but is an awesome city and I like visiting it more than I do New York. But I hear it can get old after a few years. So, you’re gonna have to make that call. I have a brother down in Dallas, it doesn’t seem terrible, but I can see what you’re saying.
