Groupon - I have now seen it all

Water Cooler
#1

I just received a Groupon for 1/2 off a 45-60 minute online concealed-carry-weapon course. Here’s the description:

With a hassle-free virtual course, Online Carry Training lets people meet the requirements they need to apply for their permit to carry or concealed-carry weapons permit without leaving their computer. The 45- to 60-minute course emphasizes educated, responsible gun ownership, familiarizing students with the ins and outs of gun safety and shooting basics. The online course is possible because of the laws governing the 34 states it covers: from Alabama to Wyoming, each state allows permit applicants to be trained in firearms safety without once firing a handgun. Upon completing the course, students are free to apply for the permit of their choice according to the laws in their state.

What’s the over/under on the percentage of “students” who shoot their computer monitor during the “shooting basics” portion?

#2

I saw Samurai sword training this morning in my Groupon-spam.

#3

hey…9 days until the end of the world…you would be happy with some samurai skills when them zombies come.

#4

I got pole dancing lessons and acupuncture. However, neither of these is worse than the “colonic hydrotherapy” offered by Living Social…

#5

I amount of people I see preparing for the “zombie apocalypse” is dumb. It’s an apocalypse people! That means everyone’s a zombie except for maybe 1% of the population or less. Your time would be better spent learning the easiest way to access somebody’s brains.

#6

^^^ True. Michonne and Andrea would be walkers by now if not for Michonne’s skill with a Samurai sword.

#7

the walking fred

#8

Respectfully, the conceal and carry class is a joke. They do have a big screening process upfront that criminals fail. Even a DWI can keep you from eligability.

#9

I would think that “The End” will be more like an asteroid or a gamma-ray explosion, so the F zombies are as screwed as us.

#10

Gamma Ray burst would be pretty much a bummer.

But information cannot travel faster than the speed of light, so if we knew about a gamma ray burst coming, it would mean that in some inertial reference frame, A causes B even though B occurs before A.

Therefore the Mayan Calendar is not predicting the arrival of a gamma ray burst.

Zombies, however - that’s a possibility.

#11

This is how its gonna happen : 21st Dec 2012 , humanity ends…but it turns out that the rovers on Mars carry foundations for life…life starts anew on the red planet and 3 million years from now there will be a new AF forum and a new version of bhad!

#12

A gamma ray burst could occur while it is night here and we wouldn’t be affected until the earth rotated, putting us in the line of fire. All communication to the other side of earth would fail though, so we could deduce that a gamma ray burst was wiping out the other side of the planet. There was actually a movie about this exact scenario staring the father from one of the 80’s sitcoms. He spent the last several hours of his life trying to bang some chick who got all pissed off that he’d known about the end of the world for several hours and didn’t tell her. She didn’t appreciate the fact that she ended up spending the last few hours of her life with his sorry ass.

#13

Part of me actually believes that, especially since NASA recently went out of its way to tell everyone that the world is not ending on the 21st. Also explains why the WH and Congress don’t seem all that worried about the fiscal cliff.

#14

I have the full scenario analysis on Excel:

First, machines are gonna dominate the world (this is obvious and already priced in). They’re gonna kill us all!

Then we will come back as ghosts (alternatively, coming as zombies first could drain the machine’s resources a little bit).

Ghosts are more powerful than machines, but the damn things will have a lot of Ghostbuster-like gizmos and will come ahead for a while.

Fortunately, the Sun will explode. The machines will try to get away before that, but they won’t waste energy by taking all the ghost-trapping devices with them.

The explosion of the Sun will release us all, and now we had billions of years of machine destroying plans to execute (how else could we past time inside the Ghostbuster-traps?). Now we will be ready to hunt and destroy those machine suckers, and they’ll never see it coming!

Then we may all float around happily ever after on planet Zaratron.

So, basically, there’s nothing to be worried about. Merry Christmas!

#15

I remember this, it was a [New] Outer Limits episode in the 1990s. I watched it on Hulu.

#16

do robots and humans go to the same heaven/hell when they die?

#17

As there’s only 9 days left, I’m making the most of my time with this course:

http://www.livingsocial.com/adventures/216620-glass-painting-cupcake-decorating

It’s crazy that wine glass painting hasn’t taken off more isn’t it?

#18

There has to be some kind of an options play on this that will hedge out imminent demise will still capturing significant alpha. Any ideas? I’ve forgotten my triple reverse upside down butterfly spread math from the CFA.

#19

Vol is for sure going to hit the roof when all this shit goes down. I’m long a truck load of Christmas Tree Butterfly Puts. These are for sure going to pay off at this time of year.

Good luck and see you on the other side.

#20

Ahhh Christmas Tree Butterfly Puts. Those are short duration. You must be in the Mayans 2012 camp.