Since Higgs brought up the Golf Channel and all of its hotties, I thought I would share a true story with you.
As you all know by now, I grew up a poor boy in Nowhereville, Texas. To my family, golf was a game for rich white folk. And while we were white, we were very far from rich. As a result, I never knew much about golf, nor cared much about golf.
At the tender age of 20, I left home for San Diego, where I spent a perfectly good summer in Marine Corps boot camp. After graduation, they sent me to lovely Monterey, CA, where I attended language school. There, I met, and fell in love with, a beautiful 18 year-old fresh out of high school.
Shortly after, she introduced me to her parents, and her father invited me out for a round of golf. Of course, I know better than to say no. So off I went with my future father-in-law on my first-ever golf outing (with rented clubs).
We played the front nine before he finally got embarassed by me. (I use the term “played” loosely–I mainly threw the ball where I wanted it to go.) Afterwards, we chilled out in the clubhouse and talked a whole lot about nothing.
Years came and went. I married his daughter and moved her to San Antonio. Then I divorced her and sent her back to California. (No kids, no property. It was my starter wife.) I got out of the Marines, got my Series 7, and went to work for Morgan Stanley.
One day, some of the brokers were standing around looking at a coffee table book. Not wanting to be excluded, I decided to peek and see what they were talking about. Lo and behold, there was the golf course that I had played at so many years ago! I spoke up and told them, “Hey I remember that place. I’ve played there.”
Suddenly, I was the center of attention. While some people scoffed and didn’t believe me, others started peppering me with questions, like:
- “Did you really play there?” (Why would I lie?)
- “Was it nice?” (I guess. I don’t have much basis for comparison.)
- “Who did you go with? How did you get in?” (I went with my father-in-law, and we walked on two feet. Isn’t that how people normally get onto golf courses?)
- “How much did it cost?” (Didn’t cost me anything. Don’t know how much it cost him.)
- “What was the 7th hole like?” (Didn’t seem much different from the 6th or 8th.)
Finally, my curiosity got the best of me, and I asked why everybody was so interested in my one and only golf experience. They enlightened me that I had golfed at the Pebble Beach Country Club, which might be the most prestigious and exclusive golf course in the entire known universe.
So there you have it. That’s my golf experience. Before that day, I had never picked up a golf club, and have never picked one up since.
Now, I’m sure that Midland and Odessa have some good courses, but honestly, it’s probably all downhill after that. And I’m almost 34 years old. However, I’ve heard that lots of business gets done on the golf course.
So my question to the masses is this–should I quit while I’m ahead? Or should I invest in some cheapo clubs and learn to hit the ball?