WTF is the alure to diamond rings with females!? What fuggin kills me is the diamond is a stone. Like the quartz stone you find on the ground, a diamond is simply that, a stone. Furthermore, it’s not a rare valuable stone it’s made out to be. DeBeers has a near monoply on the minds yielding the best looking diamond rocks which allows them to artificially restrict supply increaseing the price.
Coupla real questions;
Guys get the commitment aspect of a diamond ring. The symbolism of marriage and forever are embedded within. Now, science has allowed other rocks to look like diamonds for a fraction of the cost. Why do females through a b!tchfit when the topic of synthetic/CZ/etc come up as a substitute for a nice looking diamond ring?? See the movie Blood Diamond.
You women get it all twisted with marriage. You constantly think of the wedding only. What a great way to start a life together; deep in debt from all the sunk costs of overpriced rock, the $5k dress, the $100k dinner/dance/reception, etc. I am all about a traditional ceremony and reception, but let’s keep it real. Money is the crux of most marital problesm, so why would you start a marriage potentially deep in debt!?
Size matters. Despite what you hear/read in Cosmo/Men’sHealth, it’s all about the size. Rock size that is. Rest assured her family and friends will only approve of you when they see you broke the bank to buy a big oversized rock for her to show off. That sum burned on the rock could have made a nice downpayment on a home, fund the future kid’s college education, or even enjoy a couple of extra honeymoons. I pray someday I’ll find a Buffettesque female who wants the sexiest CZ there is and spend the difference on a swankier honeymoon, bigger home, and bank cushion.
It would be nice for us financiers if there was such a thing as a liquid market for these rocks so we could have a proxy when we are thinking of plunking down 3 months salary. These days that’s like $100k for some of us!
Three months salary on an old-ass piece of coal is stupid. I bought my wife a fake, and she knows it. We both thought that it was better to spend the money on something substantial than a piece of ice.
The ring is to show commitment from the man. The diamond is for bragging to her girlfriends. If you want to keep your girl happy, you have to give her fodder for her competition with other women, which is a much bigger part of women’s lives than most of us men realize. However, if you do go through the cost-benefit analysis with her, and say “hey, we could save $10,000 on the diamond and use that for an awesome honeymoon trip,” many women have been known to say, “yeah, I like that idea.”
In pre-feminist times, the diamond was supposed to be a down payment on the woman. When virginity was considered important for a woman’s marriageability, the idea was that if he broke the engagement, she kept the ring and the diamond, if she broke the engagement, she should return the ring (with the diamond). After couples engaged, many families would let the couple sleep together, so many people considered it a security deposit for the right to take her virginity. If he broke the engagement, or was killed in battle or something, she would be less marriageable, but she could at least sell the diamond. That’s one of the reasons that the diamond size is linked to the cost of living (though the “x months salary” rule was manufactured and publicized by DeBeers).
Still not a great deal for her, if virginity is a must-have issue, but the idea was to make it costly for the guy to renege on his commitment.
It’s because many women are insecure, overly influenced by the media and can’t think for themselves. Oh and because of how weak men have become in our society. Men aren’t men anymore… They even have a show called “Yes, dear”… I say, like al bundy “NO MA’AM”
Also I said, many women, not all women… I’m sure there are some good ones out there.
I also love it when females say, “I can tell the difference!” No, you can’t. You’re not a geologist and you don’t even know wtf the 5 Cs are when it comes to rocks. Many good fakes can only be found through a skilled jewler with a microscope. The cosmo reading non-cfa non-mba non-finance broad on 5th ave doesn’t have a fking clue how to tell the difference but is too ignorant to admit it.
Yeah, and men that drive luxury cars aren’t in the same boat? It’s a piece of a woman’s competition with her peers, just like cars are to guys. Respect that.
Also, consider when her friends are flashing big rocks and she doesn’t, she’s going to feel that either (a) you’re a poor class piece of garbage that can’t afford to support her or (b) you don’t care enough to support her on an equal level as her peers.
It becomes an arms race which is unfortunate but it’s important to understand the societal context if you want a happy home.
Going overboard on some $100k ring is pretty foolish, but what’s $10k or $20k to folks here on something that your claiming at the time to be a lifelong commitment. Amortize that over 50 years and it’s chump change.
^ Also, the fake diamond is like the guy pulling up in a Mazda Miata. Good for the ignorant that don’t know better, but it’s really still a piece of junk.
To BChad’s point - I don’t know about other states, but in Texas, the law says that an engagement ring is a gift that is dependent on the relationship. When/if the relationship ends, she has no legal right to the the ring anymore, and must return it.
I know this, because I know a guy who gave a girl an engagement ring, then broke it off. She refused to give back the ring. So he broke into her house and stole it back. She was able to press charges for breaking and entering, but not theft, because the ring was technically his property.
EDIT - and it doesn’t matter who breaks up with who. If the engagement is severed, then the man gets his ring back. Period.
For that matter, a real diamond is also a piece of shit. Almost literally. It’s dead plants and dinosaurs that have been under a billion pounds of rock for a billion years.
EDIT - btw, this is my 4000th post too. CvM and I hit it on the same day.
I’m in the midst of this and so far I’ve had limited headaches. There were some key decisions:
Reset my late Nana’s stone in a new ring. My grandfather brought the stone back from WWII, so I guess it’s pretty likely it’s a blood diamond in some way/shape/form. Nevertheless, it kep the cost down (low thousands) and actually means something, which is more that you can say for most people’s super flashy rings.
Wedding. Here are the options:
Elope. I’m serious. Go to Vegas with some close friends/family and tie the knot with Elvis watching. Coworker did this and never looked back.
Have an engagement party where all of your friends and family are there and have a surprise wedding. We both wish we went this route. It accomplishes the goal of having all the people you want there while keeping costs down (get food trucks, a DJ and buy your own booze for a summer picnic theme) and avoiding all the the paegentry that sucks about weddings and makes them feel fake.
Have a wedding, but focus on what actually matters. In my case that’s: location (this was a surprisingly low cost), food/service. Buy your own booze, caterer will provide bartenders. Personally, I don’t give a shit about anything else. Just went with a smallish venue that is centrally located across the street from multiple hotels and got the best food (within reason). Our photographer is decent, but not super expensive.
Still, I wish I just got married at an engagement party.
This is true. I don’t dispute the insanity of any of it. I’m just addressing the pragmatic reality. Women judge each other by rings. And it speaks to their husband’s status.
Interesting, who gets the ring legally definitely depends on what state you are in. In many states, the guy has the right to get the ring back no matter who called off the wedding. In others, it depends on who called it off. Also, if the proposal was made on a traditional gift-giving day like a birthday or Christmas, that can entitle her to the ring as an ordinary gift no longer contingent on a wedding.
Even the ettiquete seems to be up in the air. When I did a quick google search, Miss Manners appears to say that the woman gives back the ring no matter what, but many others hold to the “who called the wedding off.”
Who called the wedding off is potentially complicated, because if she cheats on him during the engagement and he calls of the wedding because of it, it’s not clear that she is entitled to the ring, ethically. If he cheats and and then calls it off, then ettiquete would suggest she has a stronger right to keep the ring.
If that is true, then it’s weird that there are special laws addressing engagement rings. Being “engaged” is not even a legal definition. Imagine if you gave your girlfriend a diamond necklace and later broke up. Would you be able to “steal” the necklace back legally?
Miata is like the opposite of a fake diamond. You wear a fake diamond because of how it looks. You drive a Miata because you like the car, and despite knowing that uninformed people will judge you. The Miata is a very good car. It is the last true roadster in America and can withstand thousands of miles of hard driving. This is one reason why people favor it for autocross events - they can drive the car every day, track it, and drive it home without it breaking. Very few other cars offer the same balance of reliability, dynamics, and overall quality.