"trained in etiquette and protocol"

What is the locker room/bathroom etiquette on passing gas and peeing in the shower?

Greenman, why…?

Well, can you only pee in the shower when you’re the only one in there? Or do you have to get out of the shower to go to the toilet, then get back in the shower?

Is it okay to fart while you’re changing clothes? Or while standing at the urinal? Or do you have to go into a stall and close the door?

Ok, I’ll tackle these tough questions.

  1. You can only pee in your own shower. Don’t pee in the gym shower even if you’re wearing flip-flops. Also, try to anticipate your urinary needs and go before stepping into the shower.
  2. No, don’t fart while changing clothes. Yes, you can fart while standing at the urinal. No, don’t step into a stall just to fart. That would be weird.
  3. Bonus: Don’t sit on the bench naked. People put their clean clothes and towels on there. I don’t want the towel that I’m going to dry my face with tainted with your, well, taint.

Dead serious - last week, there was a guy using the hair dryer to dry his nuts. And it went on for about five minutes. He spent five minutes with the hair dryer on his nuts.

I’m not denying that it feels good, but I just wonder what the locker room protocol is on hair drying your nuts for five minutes with the public hair dryer.

Ughh. Women do that too. Also blowdrying the hair naked. Really?! Put on some underwear at least!

Greenie… do you even lift?..

Seriously though. Peeing in the gym shower is a no no. Farting whilst pissing is obviously yes. Using hair drier to dry your nuts is okay as long as you dont do it fr too long…(5mins is too long)

Also dead serious - blow drying your balls is the best way to avoid jock itch. I don’t do it at the gym though. I use the gym at my office and I think it’d be a bit odd for my coworkers seeing me with one foot on the counter blow drying my nuts.

There is this really ripped black guy at my gym who works out in denim shorts (not only that, but he blatantly ignores the “no grunting” rule in the facility). The other day, he was in the locker room fully naked and kneeling on the towel with one knee while shaking his head to music. I went to shower, and when I came back, he was still doing that. Not sure why I am mentioning this. It just felt relevant.

Farting while peeing is okay if you are 65+ or you are at the urinal with at least two spaces between the next urinator. I had to call out some dude who farted right next to me.

From the information I’ve been able to gather, it appears that men spend a lot more time fully nude in locker rooms than women do. There’s always some 50-something guy naked watching ESPN, or worse, trying to have a conversation with someone that’s fully clothed. (For some reason the idea of one guy being nude while the other is clothed is more disturbing to me than two naked men conversing. Huh.)

In women’s locker rooms - from what I’m told - it’s pretty rare for a woman to be fully nude for an extended period of time. Topless? Yes. Lots of boobs all over the place. But full on birthday suit? Not so much. Also, it’s very, very rare for a full on lesbo orgy to break out. The internet has really warped my sense of reality.

Gym - maybe. I don’t go. Pool - forget it

Yeah, I haven’t been to a gym in a while. I run outside, go dancing, and do yoga (though have been a bit lazy about that of late). One reason I hate gyms is the whole locker room experience. Somehow a yoga changing room isn’t as bad as a locker room. I hate the smell of day-old mildew that always seems to be hiding somewhere.

And yeah, there’s almost always some middle aged guy who’s just hanging out in the buff for a long time. Not the quick “yeah, I have to be nude because the towel won’t stay on while I quickly put my underwear on” kind of thing, but just a “let me sit back and enjoy letting everything air out in public”. I assume that they are exhibitionists taking advantage of the fact that it’s quasi-acceptable to be nude, or perhaps advertising availability to any gay men that happen to be there, but I do just wonder what’s going on with them.

The interesting thing is that it’s pretty much never the toned and buffed guys that are doing it, but a guy who’s at various stages of decay and decrepitude.

I don’t like to just “hang out” in the locker room. I do walk from the shower to my locker in the quickest manner possible, and I usually do it in my b-day suit.

I’d try to wrap a towel around my waist, but the towels aren’t big enough to go around my manly figure. And holding a towel over your dingaling just looks like you’re trying to hide something.

^Just hang the towel on your wang.

you dudes are nasty

I’ve seen a guy do this at the YMCA. A gross older guy. A scene I’d like to forget. Use a towel to dry your junk.

The smelly ones in the weights area piss me off the most - I just don’t get why it’s so hard to remember to shower before entering teh workout zone, esp if you know you’re a sweaty one. There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of a heavy weights exercise and having some smelly dude ask, “…can we alternate sets pls…”. Christ!

Oh and then there are those who put on too much deodorant

Two words - common sense!

Some years ago I was at this gym that had a sauna and there always was this fat bloke, whom everybody knew. Right after training he went into the sauna, all sweaty and reaking. He stepped into the sauna and proclaimed “Let’s heat it up!” which was the code for doing an infusion. So he poured water onto the hot stones, grabbed the towel that had covered his naked nether region and started swinging away. To hygene-freaks this must have felt like the carpet-bombing of Dresden.

^ Versions of this exist everywhere. We should be able to punch such ignorant idiots without repercussions