Is there any point to apologizing for a bad first date impression?

Carson · February 15, 2016, 11:41am

Former Trader sounds like Dwight from the office. A simple agrarian society of beet farmers you say?

Griingo · February 15, 2016, 12:23pm

former_trader:

A century ago, we lived in an agrarian society. Boys were raised working with their father, grandfather, uncles and other male figures. The little boy saw first hand what it meant being a man.

Nowadays, we have a bunch of “men” being raised by single mothers or a father that was raised himself by a single mother. These parents raise their daughters to be strong and independent (especially financially independent from men) but raise their sons to be overly sensitive and to be ashamed of their masculinity.

I don’t see what your issue is here? As long as you didn’t abuse her (physically or verbally) or touched her inappropriately, there’s nothing to apologize about. You are not her first nor last bad date. Stop feeling bad because she’s the one that feels ackward she now has to share a gym with you. Frankly, that’s not your problem and if it was really a problem for her she would change gyms.

Has the frog boy mod been ninja deleting posts again? This thread seems to have started out about an awkward 1st date and at some point it veered off on a tangent about dog ownership…

Turd_Fergeson · February 15, 2016, 1:09pm

D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

Robotech · February 15, 2016, 4:06pm

+1 to Former Trader.

bchad · February 15, 2016, 4:36pm

I agree with FT that you should never feel apologetic for being interested in a woman. If you’ve done something creepy, then you need to learn how not to be creepy, and if you’ve violated boundaries (social or worse) then that is bad, but there is an angle of feminism that tries to make men feel bad for being interested in women as if it’s by definition a prelude to rape, and you should not let yourself be taken in by it (it’s more of a second wave feminism thing that has been toned down by third wave feminism, but it still shows up now and then).

Obsessing over a particular person for more than say a few days or a perhaps a week is also a bad idea but often a hard habit to shake when you are young. It usually means you are being too choosy, and your choosiness is making your interactions too high staked to be natural.

thommo77 · February 15, 2016, 4:59pm

You have nothing to apologize for. Sure, you felt like you did not put your best version out there but who cares? On to the next one, move on and try to learn from the experience. Stay friendly with her, tease her at the gym and you never know, she may come back at some point. I think you are putting way too much pressure on yourself, plus it sounds like you are not over your ex. I would spend the time to get over your ex before dating again.

I went on a few bad dates after getting out of a long term relationship. When you haven’t been on a date in a while, it is easy to make errors like talking too much, being nervous, clingy, not being playful etc. Also, timing is everything in the dating world. I have been on some great dates, but for various reasons outside of my control, it was not the right time to be in a relationship. In short, get over your ex, go on lots of dates, and have fun with it!