suppose you are on your way to the bathroom and a senior MD exits looking like he just dropped a major deuce. you enter, scan through the stalls and your goal is to pick the one where the toilet seat will give you a cold, sanitized feeling rather than bodily warmth. trusting your lucky star, you go for stall X when suddenly on your way you hear a courtesy flush from sall Y, different than stall X. should you switch your original pick, given this new information (there are obviously more than 2 stalls in the bathroom)? empirically speaking, i didnt switch and in retrospect it wasnt a good move, but it got me thinking about the theory and my conjecture is that yes, you should. thoughts?
I would say if you are confident the dude in the other stall didn’t get a look at your shoes you should switch. Otherwise your gonna get outed as a stall switcher.
Analyze_This Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I would say if you are confident the dude in the > other stall didn’t get a look at your shoes you > should switch. Otherwise your gonna get outed as > a stall switcher. Those are the worst. Also, I had a question about the Handicapped stall. Is it a first come first serve luxury stall? Or is it a “you’re a douche for using the handicapped stall” stall?
thats a good point, but in this scenario the flush happened on your way to the stall which you had mentally selected, which makes it easy to switch as you are approaching without discrediting yourself
A good analyst always incorporates new information into his/her decision. Handicapped stall depends on facts and circumstances. If there are no “regulars” who actually need the HC stall, consider it a first come, first served luxury stall. If your office shares a restroom with an orthopedic clinic, probably best to stick to the regular stall.
always switch
i prefer to avoid the handicapped stall precisely because of its luxury status. it is overused and chances are way higher that you will come into indirect contact with someone else’s buttcheeks.
Mobius Striptease Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > i prefer to avoid the handicapped stall precisely > because of its luxury status. it is overused and > chances are way higher that you will come into > indirect contact with someone else’s buttcheeks. We keep a spray can of Lysol in that stall for this precise reason.
I literally drive home during lunch to drop a deuce rather than use the public restroom.
cfagoal2 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I literally drive home during lunch to drop a > deuce rather than use the public restroom. i’d be doing the same if the commute in LA metro wasnt 1 hour each way. i try to look at it from the positive side and tell myself that it’s one of the reasons i havent been sick this summer, unlike comp sci kid
A couple of things you need to do if you use a public one. Put toilet paper over the seat, drop some toilet paper in the bowl so when your deuce hits the water, you won’t get anything splashed up.
very subtle Mobius Striptease Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > cfagoal2 Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I literally drive home during lunch to drop a > > deuce rather than use the public restroom. > > > i’d be doing the same if the commute in LA metro > wasnt 1 hour each way. i try to look at it from > the positive side and tell myself that it’s one of > the reasons i havent been sick this summer, unlike > comp sci kid
cfagoal2 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > A couple of things you need to do if you use a > public one. > > Put toilet paper over the seat, drop some toilet > paper in the bowl so when your deuce hits the > water, you won’t get anything splashed up. thats good common sense advise. of course lysol or standard toilet seat cover are more effective if available
hahaah “monty stall” … toilet seat covers are not effective, just a placebo effect.
How strong are your triceps? Are you strong enough to hold your body over the sink like one of those Olympian gymnysts on the balance beam thing? This makes the assumption that the diameter of your deuce is less than that of the sink hole… and that you dont mind shitting in the sink, of course. I just go down to the basement in the building I work in. Its a single person bathroom that trades at low volume. Or you can find out if any floor is vacant.
DoubleDip Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > hahaah “monty stall” … toilet seat covers are > not effective, just a placebo effect. true… I always use toilet paper, but I doubt it has any real effect. I always avoid the handicap stall. I choose the one directly next to it as I believe this is the stall least picked. The worst is when your favorite stall has a long dookie snaking out of the bowl wrapped with half a roll of scrunched up toilet paper. Seriously who does that?
I’ve always thought this was hilarious yet so true. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the where abouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an ASTAIRE. UNCLE TED A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
nice, Chuckrox8!
CFABLACKBELT Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > DoubleDip Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > hahaah “monty stall” … toilet seat covers > are > > not effective, just a placebo effect. > > > true… I always use toilet paper, but I doubt it > has any real effect. > > I always avoid the handicap stall. I choose the > one directly next to it as I believe this is the > stall least picked. > > > The worst is when your favorite stall has a long > dookie snaking out of the bowl wrapped with half a > roll of scrunched up toilet paper. Seriously who > does that? HAHAHAHA I’ve been tempted to leave a ‘trophy turd’ just for someone else to be surprised by, but I’d do it the right way. No TP to detract from the glory, I’d duckwalk to the next stall and do my cleanup there. I had a 3-dayer last week that was a solid 14" - it brought a tear to my eye twice (once when it lacerated my a$$hole, and once when I saw it in all its raw beauty).
poop is not measured in inches but rather in Courics as defined by the European Fecal Standards and Measurements Institute