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Jokes - Finance, CFA or Econ Related?

When Lloyd was a kid, he once bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’ Lloyd replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’ Lloyd said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’ The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him? Lloyd said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’ The farmer said ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’ Lloyd said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ A month later, the farmer met up with Lloyd and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’ Lloyd said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ Lloyd said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’ Lloyd now works for Goldman Sachs.

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Palantir Wrote:
——————————————————-
> How many Argentines does it take to screw in a
> lightbulb?
>
> Ans: None, the Hand of God will do it. :DD

+1. Maestro Maradona.

What’s a FRB Employee’s favorite game?

Just the TIP.

Yeah, just made that up.

___________________________________________________
ChickenTikka Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Being Born Wealthy > Being Jewish or WASPY > Born
> Pretty > Top 5 MBA > CFA > Avg MBA > Born middle
> class > Born lower

- When Chuck Norris buys a bond, yield and price rise together.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t borrow at the discount window, Chuck Norris lends at the discount window.

ASSet_MANagement Wrote:
——————————————————-
> What’s a FRB Employee’s favorite game?
>
>
> Just the TIP.
>
>
> Yeah, just made that up.

That’s pretty good. Nicely done sir.

No quote needed

q: Why did the economist cross the street ?

a: To join consensus

Q: How many University of Chicago economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, the market will take care of itself.

The real joke must be about who U.Chicago economists like to screw. My money’s on “the little guy.”

You want a quote?  Haven’t I written enough already???

A guy walks up to a woman in a bar and asks, “hey, would you sleep with me for $2,000,000?”

Woman says, “well, yes I guess I would”

Man: “Would you sleep with me for a $20?”

Woman slaps him and screams, “of course not, do you think I am some kind of prostitute?!”

Man: “We already know what you are, we are just haggling over the price”

^lol

Being Born Wealthy > Being Jewish or WASPY > Born Pretty > Top 5 MBA > CFA > Avg MBA > Born middle class > Born lower class > Born in crack house > Working in IT but looking to switch to buyside

MBA > CFA

Total joke.

University of Pheonix Online MBA………..$33,000

Tailored suit……………………………………$1,000

Job Applications submitted…………………200

Unemployment benefits……………………..$3,000/month

Realizing you’ll make more money unemployed than with a UofP online MBA……Priceless

Being Born Wealthy > Being Jewish or WASPY > Born Pretty > Top 5 MBA > CFA > Avg MBA > Born middle class > Born lower class > Born in crack house > Working in IT but looking to switch to buyside

Zesty Wrote:
——————————————————-
> University of Pheonix Online
> MBA………..$33,000
>
> Tailored
> suit……………………………………$1,0
> 00
>
> Job Applications
> submitted…………………200
>
> Unemployment
> benefits……………………..$3,000/month
>
> Realizing you’ll make more money unemployed than
> with a UofP online MBA……Priceless

Hahahah nice.

No quote needed

A Level 1 Candidate walks into a bar, sees a beautiful woman, and offers to buy her a drink. They begin conversing, the woman says to the Level 1 Candidate, “I”d screw anyone, anytime, anywhere, for anything!”

The Level 1 Candidate is impressed by this statement and replies with, “Oh really, what BB do you work for?”

QuantJock_MBA Wrote:
——————————————————-
> A Level 1 Candidate walks into a bar, sees a
> beautiful woman, and offers to buy her a drink.
> They begin conversing, the woman says to the Level
> 1 Candidate, “I”d screw anyone, anytime, anywhere,
> for anything!”
>
> The Level 1 Candidate is impressed by this
> statement and replies with, “Oh really, what BB do
> you work for?”

I dont get it.

@wake2000, Banks screw people, don’t they? What’s not to get?

Being Born Wealthy > Being Jewish or WASPY > Born Pretty > Top 5 MBA > CFA > Avg MBA > Born middle class > Born lower class > Born in crack house > Working in IT but looking to switch to buyside

QuantJock_MBA Wrote:
——————————————————-
> A Level 1 Candidate walks into a bar, sees a
> beautiful woman, and offers to buy her a drink.
> They begin conversing, the woman says to the Level
> 1 Candidate, “I”d screw anyone, anytime, anywhere,
> for anything!”
>
> The Level 1 Candidate is impressed by this
> statement and replies with, “Oh really, what BB do
> you work for?”

I get it….

It is the

WORST

JOKE

EVER….

I agree that was not funny at all, hoping for something more along these lines: (stolen from gilbert godfried)

Jon Stamos walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, We have a drink named after you.”
Jon Says “You have a drink named Secretly Gay?”
The Olsen Twins walk into a bar. The bartender says “Hi girls, what can I get you?”
Ashley says “We’ll each have an Asshurt”
The bartender says “How do you make an Asshurt?”
Mary-Kate says “Bob Saget hands you a glass of chocolate milk and you wake up three hours later on your stomach.”
Bob Saget walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hi Sir, what can I get you?”
Bob says “I’ll have a Bob Saget”
The bartender says “How do you make a Bob Saget?”
Bob says “You give me one shot, I suck at it for eight years and then you pay me 100 Million Dollars.”

This is pretty funny. It was posted here a few years ago off Craig’s list.

What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.
Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Inducted into the AF Hall of Fame, class of ‘17

former trader Wrote:
——————————————————-
> This is pretty funny. It was posted here a few
> years ago off Craig’s list.
>
> What am I doing wrong?
> Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a
> beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old
> girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New
> York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who
> makes at least half a million a year. I know how
> that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a
> year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t
> think I’m overreaching at all.
> Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this
> board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I
> dated a business man who makes average around 200
> - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock.
> 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know
> a woman in my yoga class who was married to an
> investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s
> not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius.
> So what is she doing right? How do I get to her
> level?
> Here are my questions specifically:
> - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me
> specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
> -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest
> guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
> -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m
> 25)?
> - Why are some of the women living lavish
> lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve
> seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
> nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy
> guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in
> singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
> there?
> - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows -
> lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do
> those guys really make? And where do they hang
> out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
> - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I
> am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
> Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out
> there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are
> superficial; at least I’m being up front about it.
> I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if
> I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture,
> sophistication, and keeping a nice home and
> hearth.
>
>
>
> PostingID: 432279810
> THE ANSWER
> Dear Pers-431649184:
> I read your posting with great interest and have
> thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer
> the following analysis of your predicament.
> Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a
> guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than
> $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.
> Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me,
> is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s
> why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
> suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to
> the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But
> here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money
> will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it
> is very likely that my income increases but it is
> an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting
> any more beautiful!
> So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset
> and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a
> depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!
> Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay
> pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each
> year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick
> a fork in you!
> So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a
> trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the
> rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business
> sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking)
> so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being
> cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
> to go away, so would you, so when your beauty
> fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a
> deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
> Separately, I was taught early in my career about
> efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as
> “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
> as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I
> find it hard to believe that if you are as
> gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t
> found you, if not only for a tryout.
> By the way, you could always find a way to make
> your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have
> this difficult conversation.
> With all that said, I must say you’re going about
> it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”
> I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter
> into some sort of lease, let me know.

Awesome! Was there a reply?

Q: How can you tell if someone went to harvard business school?

A: He tells you.

(this is probably only gonna be funny if you’ve experienced it)

A client asks his advisor: “Where I should invest my money?”

“Put it in a booze,” the adviser says. “Where else you get 40%?”

From a trader: “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half of my net worth and I still have a wife.”

Haha best thread

thommo77 wrote:
I have heard this one before. A man walks into a New York bank, and says he’s going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce. The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41. The loan officer says inquiringly, “Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?” “Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?”

Years ago in Road & Track magazine’s People & Places column they had a story about an oil-change business (Jiffy Lube or something similar) in New York City.  One day one of the techs noticed that the oil he was draining from one of the cars was perfectly clean.

Apparently, the owner of the car brought it in for an oil change every day.  He got new oil, and a safe place to park his car under the watchful eyes of the employees, and the cost was less than the cost to pay for parking in a parking garage.

Simplify the complicated side; don't complify the simplicated side.

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