Power of Oneness

Here is how I found a pure mind, body, and soul synced to the power of oneness. Many of the sites I saw told me that it was important to clean my colon because of the toxins that fester in the lower GI. It all made sense to me. As we all know, or should know, the colon’s main function is the reabsorption of nutrients and water into our bodies, and the elimination of toxic wastes through regular bowel movements. When your bowels are impacted, problems can arise, such as constipation, hemorrhoids, ulcerative colitis and colon cancer. Now, stay with me here: if the walls of your intestines/colon/bowels are caked with years and years of butt mud, and your colon doesn’t operate properly, won’t that have an ill effect on your entire being? Even worse yet, as some sites claimed, over time, might one actually start to absorb the caked-on shit into your bloodstream? I believe we can all agree is bad… right?! Quite frankly, I was scared into action! I stumbled across a product called Oxypowder. Their website went over everything you need to know and more (I encourage everyone to go there), including all of the symptoms one can expect from a filthy colon. Common symptoms resulting from accumulated toxins in the bowel can include headaches, bad breath, allergy symptoms, acne, PMS, fatigue, depression, irritability, bloating, and frequent infections. Good Lord… I have some of those! Well, except the PMS part. (Being a man and all, if I had PMS I think the least of my problems would be a dirty colon!) The basic point of their site: if you have a healthy colon, you will be healthy. Without hesitation, I ordered a bottle of the stuff, which arrived about a week later. I decided to wait until the end of the weekend to start the process. I followed the instructions, taking ten capsules on an empty stomach before I went to bed Sunday evening. Monday morning came along, and I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. I woke up and was going about my business on the computer when I felt a little pressure building up. I decided to go with a fart. Mid-fart, I felt something wasn’t quite right, so I stopped. Unlike some of the people on AF, I have never confused the difference between a fart and “something else.” I have a crack (no pun intended) team of specialists running the show back there. The second something seems to be going awry, they lock things up tighter than a maximum-security penitentiary. To this date, knock on wood, nothing has ever escaped without having the proper papers. There is no early release program, no work release program, and not a chance for parole. They are to serve their full sentence, no exceptions! So I stopped the fart and decided I’d better continue this hovering above the safety of a toilet. Once there, I simply relaxed. I’m not really sure how to accurately describe this, but things just sort of fell out of my ass. Nothing spectacular, but when I turned around to admire my work, I was taken aback by what I saw: the once-clear water of the toilet now resembled beef and barley soup! If I’m not mistaken, I’m pretty sure I saw a few pieces of gum I had swallowed years ago in there. But I’m certain I did see one lone corn kernel, and I hadn’t had corn in over a week! I remember saying to myself, “Geez, I guess that stuff really does work.” I cleaned up, which was surprisingly easy, and went back to the computer. About thirty minutes passed until I felt the urge to purge again. I went back to the bathroom and started anew. This time, something was definitely different. I started to go when all of a sudden a torrent of liquid shot out of my rectum with such force that I was worried it would suck my balls into my body and shoot them out of my ass along with everything else, turning me inside out like a sock. I took the Lord’s name in vain, adding several middle names that don’t appear in any scripture I’ve ever seen. When it stopped, I cleaned up. Again, cleanup was surprisingly easy, but closer inspection of the toilet itself revealed that the rim had poop shrapnel all over it. I ended up doing more wiping up of the rim and seat than of my butt itself! This went on throughout the day, reaching its crescendo around dump number four, during which – I kid you not – a jet of old foul hot saucelike butt water shot out of me for a solid five seconds. All in all, I crapped about nine times that day. The instructions told me to do this every day for a week, then every other day until my bottle ran out. I made it five days, at which point I felt that I couldn’t possibly have anything more in me. Days Four and Five weren’t nearly as eventful as the previous three – only two or three “movements” each day. I should have stuck it out the whole week, but I had too many things to take care of the following weekend and didn’t want to have to change my plans for pooping purposes. My conclusion: if you really, and I mean REALLY, want to clean yourself out, get a bottle of this stuff! You will be absolutely amazed! The only drawback is you won’t want to ever be that far from a toilet. If you’ll be away from a toilet for any extended period of time during your workday, I wouldn’t try it. I ended up losing eight pounds.

Oxypowder provided me with several days of entertainment, and I really did feel better. I still have about half a bottle of the stuff, and have done one treatment in the last month or so, when I felt that there was an imbalance in the input-output department. Needless to say, it puts stuff back into equilibrium very quickly.

LOL

Dude that was so totally gross, and yet so fun to read, it made up for it.

Kudos to you, brotha! I like your writing, but I may stay away from your general area for another few days.

I liked the line: “Oxypowder provided me with several days of entertainment, and I really did feel better.”

(I must confess that at the beginning, I wondered if maybe your account had been hacked by a marketer)

This is not a troll post. I think we can all agree that being healthy is key to a happy life. With all the packaged, refined, processed crap we put in our bodies; why are we surprised we feel bad about ourselves?

Also, why must we wait until age 50 to dip into our digestive health? I am living proof that paying attention to plumbing is something we should do sooner rather than later.

Board Members, please don’t delete. If one person begins to proactively take care of their health because of this, it will be worthwhile to me.

I’ve been going to a seminar titled Power of Oneness and it’s all about syncing a healthy mind, body, and spirit. One needs to take care of all 3. Also, my account was not hacked, you may removed my product plug if you wish.

“…several days of entertainment…” Priceless!

Is this some weird scheme to boost your AF points? And to have this work, you need a degree of control on your lower sphincter

No worries, CFAvMBA… you put in enough unique stuff to convince me it was really you… and then it got just that much more entertaining. So if it gets zapped, it won’t be from my keyboard.

This is a new focus of my life. After a CFA, MBA, career success, and money; it’s time to focus on number one. Honestly I wish I had focused on myself sooner. I feel so revived and alive.

Wasn’t sure what post could be in reference to.

Clicked it. Read it.

Thanked god boss was out of office so he didn’t hear my guffawing.

A++++ post, would click again. Your best work, CFAvsMBA.

Awesome post… Im down to order some.

Is it safe to do this the week before lvl 3, because Im taking the week off work… or will it wipe out all of my energy?

You simply need flexabilty to race to the bathroom as needed. I was productive all week at work. If anything, it will help your energy.

You are advised to eat fresh fruits, veggies, and other healthy food while you take it with loads of water. I never realized how tired and lousy processed food made me feel until taking this.

I haven’t trusted a fart since the day I moved to India.

You may also be intersted my other works such as “Strip Clubs, Trophy Wives, and In This Economy!” The same substance and satire is within.

Ha.

I can buy the whole losing weight thing, but I’m not sure I’m convinced about the whole removing toxins from your body makes you a superman thing.

It’s basically like cleaning out the grout in your bathroom. I wonder if anyone will find their grandfather’s watch stuck in there?

Satire? I just placed an order for a lifetime supply of Oxypowder.

What other stuff are you doing for health CFA MBA? My diet sucks.

This oxy stuff is about as crazy as I get. I exercise, stretch, drink lots of water, watch the booze and soft drinks, and eat more salads (laugh it up).

Eating salad is actually not bad. Most salads have tons of veggies and many have chicken, steak, or shrimp as an addition. I feel better than I ever have. Eating a big hunk of meat usually puts me in a food coma. Salad does not.

Otherwise I breathe deeply. Most people do not get enough oxygen in their bloodstream due to shallow breathing. Try it. Take 10 deep breaths and see how you feel. It does make a difference.

Lastly I’ve been trying to sleep more and lay off caffeine. I used to be in a wicked cycle where I’d sleep ~5-6 hours a night, chug coffee/rockstar, then have trouble sleeping since I’d be jittery. This cycle is no more. I’ll have a 5 hour energy once in awhile, but that’s it.

Nice. Sounds like a lot of the changes I need to make. My gripe has always been with the low oxygen levels associated with working in an office all day.