Colonic

Guys, I’m sharing this experience with you because I care about you all and it is a story that needs to be told.

So as you know I’ve been on this high protein, low carb diet for around 4weeks. I’ve lost around c3kgs (97-94kg) of mainly fat which is good and kept my strength up. However my guts have playing havoc. I’m talking no decent number 2 for days and days on end – when I did get to go it’s like some rabbit (goat) crap… pretty disappointing after nearly bursting blood vessels in my head due to the straining.

Anyway, so I booked myself in for some colonic hydrotherapy (true story). The therapist was not hot, she was pretty dumb and old looking… one of those fairy type women who lives in the clouds and drinks chai lattes. She screams to me about my diet and tells me what I already know; I don’t eat enough roughage and insoluble fibre which is why I can’t pass stool… I need to eat more starchy foods, more fruit and more variety. I was eating the same thing for breakfast and lunch everyday for months and months… and it seems my bowel just can’t be bothered to unload it as it’s no longer interesting.

So, she lays me down, sticks a pipe in my butthole and begins flushing water, gallons and gallons inside me. There is a small mirror on the wall infront of me so I can see what is leaving the pipe. I can feel the water going all the way up towards my diaphragm, in and out, in and out , woosh woosh woosh. After about 30mins of her getting vexed as I wasn’t doing anything… she starts prodding me and hitting my stomach…like daamm! Then all of a sudden, BANG…someone pulls the plug, unblocks the pipe, #drainstheswamp and I unload on this girl… my ass is leaking all over the sheets and it smells… she’s like ‘good man, that’s well done’ and then another 10mins later another BANG, WALLOP…same again the pipe is black full of 30yrs of sludge and excrement. Well after 1hr of this… she’s tired, sweaty and says she’s fed up. She told me that I should be on youtube, as that’s how bad it was down there… I’m not sure if I should be proud, scared or relieved.

I pay her £75 for the privilege and make like a tree. When I get home I weigh myself again and I’ve lost 2kg of weight. I’m back to where I was during my unidays of 93kg.

I though I’d share this story with you. As it’s a taboo subject that is rarely discussed which I think we should be more open about.

this thread has lots of potential

Add a fiber supplement dude.

You really just wanted to tell us you had a pipe in your ass and you liked it. No need to sugarcoat, just say your gay.

Blockages can mean big issues. Might want to get scoped to make sure it’s not a tumor.

reading the title i thought you went out with half a girl. missing 2 limbs.

Wrong thread.

haha thanks. i need food

disgusting and hilarious. add a fiber one bar. you’re farts will be the best.

When your colonic hydrotherapist is vexed that can’t be good

I have bought some fibre supplements… I hope that will make me happy!

https://www.infowarsstore.com/catalogsearch/result/?o=oxypowder&q=oxy-powder

AF is obsessed with colonic. Luckily, it gives me a chance to self assess my colonic condition which seems fabulous compared to the horror stories here. Guys, get that fiber, yo.

Holy sh it…

Man for 75 quid you’d think they would have provided a better butthole seal.