Chuck Norris's Tears Might Solve Credit Crunch

Chuck Norris doesn’t target inflation. He roundhouse-kicks it until it begs for mercy. The Chuck Norris dollar buys 3 Canadian dollars, and trades at parity with the euro. Chuck Norris doesn’t supply collateral, only collateral damage. The tears of Chuck Norris would supply enough liquidity to solve the credit crisis. Too bad he never cries. When the yield on a Chuck Norris bond goes up, the price also rises. Chuck Norris trades on fear and greed simultaneously. Alan Greenspan calls Chuck Norris ``The Maestro.’’ Chuck Norris has already banked his dividend payment from Northern Rock Plc. Chuck Norris funds at Libor flat. Chuck Norris Asset Management made 50 percent on its subprime mortgage-backed bond fund last month. Chuck Norris doesn’t borrow at the Fed’s discount window. Chuck Norris LENDS at the Fed’s discount window. Chuck Norris’s curves never invert. Net income at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. rose 79 percent in the third quarter; profit at Chuck Norris Securities Inc. climbed 80 percent. There is no market regulator. Just a list of securities Chuck Norris allows to be traded. Chuck’s iPhone never needs recharging. Chuck Norris doesn’t buy gold to hedge against inflation. Gold buys Chuck Norris to hedge against inflation. Chuck Norris charges the Bank of England a penalty rate for borrowing. And guarantees its deposits. Chuck Norris is the pilot Ben Bernanke calls when he wants to shower the economy with dollar bills. Sometimes, Chuck refuses to fly. Chuck Norris gets ALL of his funding from the asset-backed commercial paper market. Chuck Norris doesn’t mark-to-market. The market marks to Chuck Norris. When the U.S. economy sneezes, the world catches a cold. When Chuck Norris sneezes, the U.S. economy catches pneumonia. When Chuck Norris makes you a price, it isn’t an offer; it’s an obligation to buy. Chuck Norris isn’t a market maker; he IS the market. Chuck Norris can still get a 125 percent mortgage on a $2 million condo without providing proof of earnings. Chuck Norris subprime collateralized debt obligations still trade at 100 percent of face value. Chuck completed Halo 3 on his Microsoft Corp. Xbox 360 on the day before the computer game went on sale. Chuck Norris has a trade surplus with China.

Good stuff from bloomberg on this one…

i just read that 30 seconds ago. thought to myself… someone must have posted that on AF by now… and sure enough

The least you could’ve done was to credit the article to the author…

Chuck Norris didn’t just pass this test on the first try, he managed to pass all three levels in one sitting, while blindfolded, and handed it in 8 hours before anyone else was done, even though the test is only 6 hours long.,593013,594200#msg-594200

You forgot one… The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

Chuck Norris did all these things two years ago.

FIAnalyst Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The least you could’ve done was to credit the > article to the author… > > > &sid=aLepjRCRQ3go nah gilbert didn’t write those… there were emails floating around weeks ago.