unwanted advance = sexual harassment or no play wanted advance = yet another office dalliance I know plenty of people that have slept with 5-10+ current coworkers (girls and boys). The number of attempts is significantly higher as we all know you have to throw a few darts to hit the board. All of these attempts represent potential sexual harassment. So this happens all the time, everywhere you go. Office workers hitting on each other. Hell, some even go on to marry. What I find interesting given this backdrop, is the proportion of men vs women who go to HR to complain about sexual harassment. Anyone want to take a stab what the proportion is? No need right? It is going to lean heavily in one direction. Why is that then? Is it the right thing to do?
Yeah, without details I can’t assume anything occurred beyond just being hit on, that’s the vibe I get. Given that, my initial thoughts were along the lines of what Muddahudda said: “unwanted advance = sexual harassment or no play wanted advance = yet another office dalliance” Which kinda pushes my second train of thought to Jcole’s initial post which he retracted but I’m glad is up because in some ways it’s right. I mean, we’re adults, if you can’t fend for yourself you really don’t belong in finance. (only as long as we’re talking about getting hit on by non bosses, attempts by bosses or physical attempts would be a whole different story) And the line “that’s what I tried to do…” in the author’s second post is the part that filled me in on gender, etc. You either do one thing or you do something else, tried doesn’t count for crap.
Aston Martin music music -Drake sings the hook OP, why cant you seek a transfer or go elsewhere if you feel uncomfortable. Stuff happens all the time though with people in power.
Just give him what he wants and next time you’ll get a good review.
I dunno, but to me it sounds like it was a proper review, sorry for that. It was the same “partner” who took your side in “harassment” thing and who pushed your job review in an unusual time of the year. He sounds like a fair guy, who doesn’t approve of harassment and bad job. As for harassment, if the guy is a coworker and not a superior, then he was just hitting on you (unless he touched you, or talked improperly in public, then it’s harassment). If he would be your superior, then it might be “harassment”, especially if you have proves that he is offering something in exchange or threatens you with something. I am sorry if his hitting on you created problems with work environment, but I would say that there are far worse problems in other offices, like smelly coworkers, whistling, shouting, going to the toilet with a newspaper and then offering it to you, not to mention farting, etc. However you are right not to mix alcohol with work, or sex with work.
SHOUTOUT TO VALORES! I agree with your assessment sir/ma’am.
But guys who hit on all girls they see are nasty, like those dogs who try to mount all the dogs from the neighborhood. They shouldn’t work in finance ©
Valores Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > But guys who hit on all girls they see are nasty, > like those dogs who try to mount all the dogs from > the neighborhood. They shouldn’t work in finance > © I agree, they should be sprayed and neutered.
Sexual harassment has nothing to do with someone’s position in the company. A mail room clerk can sexually harass a CEO. It’s harassment if it’s unwanted. If someone hits on you, you tell them your not interested and they keep on, it’s harassment. Valores Wrote: ------------------------- > I dunno, but to me it sounds like it was a proper > review, sorry for that. It was the same “partner” > who took your side in “harassment” thing and who > pushed your job review in an unusual time of the > year. He sounds like a fair guy, who doesn’t > approve of harassment and bad job. > As for harassment, if the guy is a coworker and > not a superior, then he was just hitting on you > (unless he touched you, or talked improperly in > public, then it’s harassment). If he would be your > superior, then it might be “harassment”, > especially if you have proves that he is offering > something in exchange or threatens you with > something. I am sorry if his hitting on you > created problems with work environment, but I > would say that there are far worse problems in > other offices, like smelly coworkers, whistling, > shouting, going to the toilet with a newspaper and > then offering it to you, not to mention farting, > etc. > However you are right not to mix alcohol with > work, or sex with work.
murders&executions Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Sexual harassment has nothing to do with someone’s > position in the company. A mail room clerk can > sexually harass a CEO. It’s harassment if it’s > unwanted. If someone hits on you, you tell them > your not interested and they keep on, it’s > harassment. You cannot be serious, my entire dating strategy is built around this
Murders@executions, It depends on the form of “hitting on” someone. One can perceive being an object of interest of someone, just by the way he or she is watched. At the same time, one can receive all kinds of obvious appreciation from the boss, including compliments about appearance, clothes, etc., without the feeling that any sexual relationship might follow. As I mentioned, touching, directly offering sex, sexual hints in public, are harassment even if it’s first time. Other forms, like asking out for a drink, even paying for a drink, etc., I just don’t see why the coworker can’t do that. Why is this considered harassment? It’s not like an ugly old guy asking a young coworker for a dinner to his house, it’s just a couple of beers in the bar with friends. In this case not even one on one. Really, the guy said “invite your friends”, does he really mean “female friends”? Women have male friends as well, and gay friends.
Unwanted advancements = sexual harassment
The company I work for brings in a harassment expert once a year and all the managers have to go. It makes us all so paranoid that we would never even think of being alone in an office with a member of the opposite sex.
Er, the original poster made it pretty clear that the alleged offending person “approaches others for sexual favors”. That usually means sexual harassment.
Sexual favors in exchange for $/job advancement/etc should be reported. Huge grey area with co-workers flirting, it does happen, and it happens alot everywhere. Key question, is the flirting mutual, if so i would just mind my own business, if not then its really up to person who is the target of the unwarrented harassment to report it unless you feel their life maybe in danger. I would talk to other people and get your story straight before you do anything and have back-up from other people.
This convo serves as a refresher on why I hate PC
In the OP’s case I am pretty sure the HR consulted with the legal Dept as they usually do, and if nothing followed, then from the legal point of view nothing happened. Although I don’t doubt the OP’s intuition and there probably have been sexual advancements, but they were done skillfully enough. I mean, I can’t imagine I go complain that my coworker invited me and my friends for drinks. And others’ business is not my business.
ohai Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The point is that any responses here will just be wild speculation.
I think there’s a difference between wild speculation and what reading into what was said and wasn’t said. She asked for advice, we read between the lines with what info was given, and since everyone seems to be more or less on the same page, here, I wouldn’t define our hypothesis as “wild speculation”.
If we’re wrong she’d have corrected us as she did on two minor points after my first post. However the majority appears to ring true here.