Please continue For any of you that missed it this was the night before the exam - for me
this is really good, i like it!! hehe
Slash, that stuff is hilarious; well done.
some of the donkeys at CFAI must be drinkers and hockey fans…there was a “Thomas Collins”, a “Nikolas Lindstrom”, a “Brendan Witt” and a “Sergei Gonchar” in the ethics cases in Level One (which may or may not have been repeated in L2 and L3) also a Sarah Conner made an appearance
Not to mention baseball fans… There is a Roger Clement and Mary Zito in one ethics example. In the last edition, there was a Spicoli working at Ridgemont Investments which was removed.
gold
ssshhh, let’s not clog this stream and let Slash finish this masterpiece
How did I miss this? Well done, Slash! A+
Haha forgot about this thread! I’ll finish this thing soon 
MUVAHAHAHAHA
LOL!
The finale (almost) Jameson hangs up the phone and heads for lunch. She passes by the cubicle of Sasha Grey, the new 18-year old co-op student who is still in high school. Sasha is quite intelligent and has had exemption from the CFAI to write the CFA exams. She is now a level 3 Candidate (don’t ask me how but let’s just assume that the people who run the CFAI are all men). However, Grey is a little frustrated trying to memorize such obscure and seemingly irrelevant topics. She yells, “I just can’t get these macro performance attribution concepts down. Risk-free investment, net contributions… what order is it in?!” Jameson replies, “The order is Net Contributions, Risk-free asset, Asset Categories, Benchmark, Investment Manager, and Allocation effects. There’s a rule of thumb I apply in real life that I use to memorize it: ‘(N)ever ®im (a) (b)ig (i)cky (a)ss’.” “Wow Jen that’s amazing,” Grey says joyfully as she adjusts her pig-tails. “Maybe you can teach me some more things after work at my house as you have so much experience in this industry.” One week later Jameson gets a phone call from Debbie in Dallas. “Congratulations! You’ve successfully implicated Woody Johnson and their holding company, BDSM Assets,” Debbie exclaims. “The CEO Kenneth Laid will be in prison for a very long time because of your great work. You will be honoured here in Dallas at the Republican convention this week. I will put you on a plane and we’ll see you here!” Jameson arrives at the convention hall and is greeted by Peter Olinto, who is the head instructor for Stalla’s CFA program. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jennifer,” Olinto says in a heavy New York accent. “We’re going honor you with…” To be continued…
The finale… As Jameson wonders what Olinto is about to say, he pulls a rope which opens a large curtain and yells, “A ROAST!!” The audience is an electric crowd filled with the who’s who of politics. The roast begins with the roastmaster, Peter Olinto. One by one each roaster on the dais takes turns roasting Jameson. Jameson is squeamish as they take some hard but complimentary shots at her. The final roaster of the evening is the new second assistant to mayor of Waco Texas, John McCain: “Folks, let’s hear it for your roastmaster and greasy bastard, Peter Olinto! I was going to order Stalla but I opted for Wikipedia instead. A horse taking a dump in a parade has a bigger following than Stalla. In fact, Stalla’s mission statement says to order Schweser! Ladies and gentleman, I have for you the butt of America: On the dais are George Pubes, Penis Cheney, and Rectum Powell. What a bunch of ugly mother**kers! You know they’re ugly when Janet Reno and Ron Paul are invited here as eye-candy. Don’t you laugh Mr. Stephen D. Colbert. Did I mention that ‘D’ in his middle name stands for ‘Dick’ and Colbert is a type of cheese? Mr. Dick cheese here actually tried to run for president but the Democratic Party refused his application after the early consensus showed him less favourable than the banjo kid from Deliverance. And Sarah Palin is in the house. Let’s hear it for Sarah! I like Sarah but she still believes that the Bush Doctrine is someone she has to visit twice a year for a pap smear. Ok, enough about these sorry losers. Without further ado, here is the lady of the night—Jennifer Jameson!” Jameson takes the podium and begins her speech: “In all seriousness, it feels great to be honored here after exposing Kenneth Laid and his corporate scandals. Never in my wettest dreams as a sweet and innocent young woman did I believe that I would accomplish such a thing. I come from a modest beginning in the field of finance. As an intern at DP Group, I’ve taken many shots in the face for my gumption but I’ve always come back harder. As an analist at S&M Corp., I’ve bent over backwards to satisfy upper management. Finally, at ATM Hedge Funds, my experience has truly left anything but a bad taste in my mouth. Nonetheless, my career has had its share of ups and downs. I’ve pioneered state of the art trading software based on bid-ask spreads. You can say that I have a taste for exploiting wide spreads. I’ve also witnessed tragedy watching colleagues invest in the now defunct Harris Interactive Inc. (NASDAQ: HIV) and have to leave the industry. In my last transaction, I made a pre-tax profit of $2.8M holding Dong in my asset account. Due to my performance, I have been probed many times by the SEC only for them to find that their injections were premature. However, I have been able to turn the other cheek. And now, I’m glad to say that I’ve actually made a big squirt- I mean splash on the industry. So I’d like to thank the gang here for giving me the biggest bang of my career! Thank you!” The crowd goes crazy with cheers and whistles. As a standing ovation assumes in the crowd, Peter Olinto whispers to himself, “She’s on her way to a CFA, baby.” -THE END-
LOL… although was too much USA centric in the end. O Ye slash, The emperor of L3, Kindly bestow even more new tales of Jennifer jameson. really man…u need to give us even more of these stories…start a new story ASAP.
good stuff
Since we are on these lines… Are you guys abstaining??. I have for at least 6 weeks or so. I remember Mickey goldmill from Rocky sayin “women weaken legs” Hopefully these sacrifices pay off
Lol… much needed at this time.
http://www.analystforum.com/forums/cfa-forums/cfa-level-iii-forum/91323241
Do I get AF points for this?
I thought i was too to be here doing this. But i guess compared to you i am a young stud. Ok, i have to admit i know the names but they are more like blurred memories from my teen years. those hoes are older than your nick. Please get back in the pron game and update…
LOL. Damn this was a funny thread.
NestorK - I would guess an updated version would discuss “Khalifa Investment Managers”.