ok this thread is starting to give off too much information here.
ok this thread is starting to give off too much information here.
^ It can’t be repeated enough.
Black Swan… “That’s why I say … hey man nice shot” (Filter circa 1995)
Congrats. Takes a lot of guts. And True Grit.
Keep in touch bro.
Congrats, BS. You are going to love being a dad.
Thanks guys, also for the record, I have no man boobs.
I have never in my life seen a man between the ages of 35 and 40 (outside of pro athletes, actors and billionaires) dating (but not married to) a girl I’ve been envious of.
You’re probably right, but as bchad noted in the “Men of New York” thread, sometimes one gets lucky and finds a good woman worth hanging around for. Temptation is abound in NYC but I notice I’m far less inclined to give up what I have to chase tail like some of the other folks around me.
Maybe I have it all wrong but I think I’ve always gravitated towards stability, and I worry that if I give up what I have now in my early 30’s in hopes of trying to find something better at 35+, maybe that ‘better thing’ will never come around. I guess it would be one thing if it just fell on my lap (no pun intended) but I find that sometimes trading up something great in hopes of *maybe* finding something amazing isn’t always worth the time and effort, especially if I didn’t actually feel like I was just “settling” for something great.
Thoughts from the married folk here?
Most guys who are prime marriage material probably get ensnared by the time they reach 35 to 40. Highly eligible guys have good lock in opportunities at earlier ages too, so the advantage between locking in at age 30 vs. 35 are probably marginal at best. If the guys wait that long to settle down, there is probably some reason: they are purposely single, commitment issues, closet gay, or other reason.
Numi,
I’m not married, but with everything that’s happened, I’m suprised how happy I’ve been in my current situation once we both became determined to make it work and incentivised to focus on one another.
We did not have a very serious long term view on the relatioship before things escalated. I think one of the biggest flaws of modern dating is the lack of incentive to make it work. In fact I think with myself I’d fallen into a trap where after a certain number of failed relationships when you hit a speed bump people are not incentivised to try to work it out. I’m very fortunate to be with someone with great core traits even though we wouldn’t seem like a fantastic match on paper. I’ve also found the mentality of rating a girl on paper to be underrated. Also, you can’t replicate history with someone. For me, from a relationship level, the experience has been a bit of an eye opener that I was placing importance on many of the wrong things. But those are just my views.
BS, what is your take on dating a chick 9 years younger than you? I think even a difference of 3 -4 years in the 20-35 range is a big gap in terms of upbringing/cultural/perception on life/values. Do you ever run out of things to talk about or find you’re just in different stages of life on some topics?
Sometimes its very apparent. If you think about your views as a 21 year old, they were probably starkly different than they are now. So sometimes we have disagreements that come from that, but you just have to maintain some patience and understanding that that’s where its coming from and its usually not that big of a deal. She’s still figuring some things out. But there are huge advantages too. I wasn’t interrogated about my career like I was being interviewed to fill a position when we started dating. I loved the relaxed pace of the relationship initially where things were allowed to simply develop organically. We talked about what sort of music we like, interests, and just focused on whether we were having fun together; instead of goals and timelines. To be honest, mentally I’m probably closer to 25 in that I’m still very focused on music and outdoor sports and I enjoy having someone to keep me young. For me personally, the situation is pretty ideal. Physically too, I’m very attracted to youthful traits, good skin without makeup, good hair, etc, so that’s a pretty good deal for me.
We don’t run out of conversation topics. We do have some divergent interests in some areas that occasionally can cause minor frustrations around conversation, but I’ve experienced similar issues at times in nearly all my past realtionships with older girls. Nothing’s perfect, but it’s pretty good.
Oh poor girl! This is just too early for her. Hope you guys are a good match and make it last longer.
Agree wholeheartedly. One question and don’t take this the wrong way, please: given you’d been dating for only four months prior to the pregnancy, and given that she is young (college age or working if she didn’t go) is there any chance that she is simply looking for a meal ticket? Just something to consider if/when you’re thinking about marriage. Obviously I don’t know her, so these are the only facts I have.
I think that’s something pro athletes have to worry about more than Black Swans.
Edit: Wait, BS did you get drafted by the Steelers?
I mean, its always possible, but I doubt it just based on experience with her.
If she’s 21, she will most likely change a lot in the next half decade. That being said, I hope it works out for both of you.
BS, all the best to you, but I got to agree with FT here. Women are really tricky , and having a child at 21… risky business. She hasn’t had her exploring the world time as a real adult coming into her own, and who knows how she would feel about that in several years.
60 percent of women married in the 20-25 year of age bracket will be divorced vs 50% older than 25. Plus I’m 30. The difference isn’t as big a deal as the internet relationship advisors make it out to be.
^ Who cares dude, if you’re happy, enjoy it. All you can do is be happy today. Enjoy raising your child together and work hard at creating a good environment for him/her to thrive and grow up good.
This nonsense about looking for a meal ticket because she’s young… some 40 year old woman could be looking for the same. It’s meaningless. And having someone rely on you a bit isn’t a bad thing either. Sometimes I’d rather my wife be more reliant on me in some ways, she being a successful professional herself. It’s rewarding to help people out with your success, especially people you love.
There is nothing wrong with her relying on you materially a bit, if she is, as long as it’s not exploitive in either direction.
All I see from the negative folks here are bitter single folk telling you why they feel their own relationships have failed or can’t possibly succeed. A bunch of cynics.