Since we’re doing meaningless topics and trying to arrive at even more meaningless conclusions let’s try this one. Before the typical brigade comes in to tell us that in today’s world you can’t trust a woman when she tells you about her past blah blah, we know and before someone points out how faux-pas this topic is, again WE KNOW.
Now everyone knows that it’s ‘different strokes for different folks’ but here are some quirky data points (absolutely ridiculous but still) for the stat nerds (*cough* Ohai *cough*) that show that more the number of partners pre marriage the lesser your dating pool
Here is one interesting legit study that shows the more number of partners the lesser the quality communication between partners. Abstract and link
Now, human relationships are significantly more complex but do any of you have a preconcieved notion of what no is acceptable or not. I would assume that once you reach a certain point (post 35) such things become meaningless but most people get married between the range of 28-34. So for those people, do you care about your SO sexual past or are you just too cool for that shit?
Tell us hombres and mujeres, what drumbeat do you dance to?
I think people who obsess over the number of partners aren’t paying attention to what’s important.
What’s important is the quality of the connection that goes on between two people. Do they make each others’ lives better and more beautiful and more satisfying, do they share enough values that they aren’t constantly offending each other inadvertently, and are there enough differences to be interesting and complementary, and, finally, is there a sense that this is likely to endure.
I suspect the causality is wrong here. It may well be that extremely large numbers of partners comes from not being able to manage the other stuff in a relationship, therefore having the relationships crumble soon after sex has started, or simply substituting sex for the fact that a person can’t connect in any other meaningful way (whether by nature or by choice) with people. So, while having a high number is potentially a warning sign of other issues, it is not - in and of itself - a particularly important concern.
If I click with someone, I don’t particularly care how many partners she’s had before me (other than concern over communicable diseases). I don’t want her loudly comparing me to others all the time, and I have to trust that when she’s with me, she isn’t running around behind my back. But if all that stuff is in place, I care more about how we connect than about who she has or has not connected with in the past.
It doesn’t matter much since it is a very low probability that the woman will ever give you to actual #. More often than not, you will never get the actual truth when it comes to your gal’s sexual resume, so it’s not really worth discussing. As bchad says, if the connection is right, that’s really all that matters.
I agree with BValGuy…woman lie about that. What’s important is for you to be comfortable with your own sexual history. My ex had a couple more than me on the books and that bothered me to hell…mainly because I was young and my number was low, probably not so much that hers was higher (and I’m sure it was probably higher than what she told me). I increased my numbers a lot since then and now with my current girl I was like “I dont need to know” / “I dont want to know” etc. We did talk about it once though and according to what we shared I am higher…ok…if truth was told I am…maybe I’m not if truth was bended…whatever. The point is, I am at such a number and history now that I am comfortable. Of course I wouldn’t date a girl who openly admitted > 30…you probably have AIDS.
I’d say the higher the number, the higher probability of issues. I’d be hard pressed to find a successful level headed sweetheart who has rocked over 100 c0cks.
It’s true that if you have a count that is super high, it’s likely that there is some problem, but it’s usually pretty obvious pretty quick what the problem is (or at least other symptoms, if not the deep causes). I knew a woman once who claimed she had over 100, mostly from her college days. She had Borderline Personality Disorder and had since gotten it treated with about the only therapy that works for it. Sexual promiscuity is one of the diagnostic checkboxes for that disorder, and it generally comes from not valuing oneself sufficiently and therefore thinking you need to have sex with someone for them to want you.
She was in better shape and more conservative by the time I met her, but you could still tell that she was exceedingly impulsive. She was quite attractive though. One could see that it would be easy for her to rack up that number if she wanted to.
The sleeping with lots of men in her past did not bother me, but the potential for BPD to reemerge did, so I ultimately stayed away. One thing about her was that she had bought herself a boob job. I remember my surprise when she said “do you want to feel them??” How does one respond to that?? One needs to be appreciative but not too appreciative while holding and squeezing.
This is strange. I mean if the reason given was like Bchad where he genuinely doesn’t care it would be understandable. But the very fact that in general you are expecting a person who you’re going to be intimate with and date to not do you the courtesy of giving an honest answer about their past is just weird. The fact that she also isn’t comfortable enough in her own past to give a straight answer speaks volumes of such a person.
Crude and straight to the point but I like it. There are also several studies out there which shows that people in relationships are much happier than people who regularly ‘hook up’ and that women report far greater sexual satisfaction when in relationships. It really doesn’t take that long for women to figure it out provided they can convince a guy to stick around and let’s be honest, most quality women can easily do that. Once you start extrapolating it is impossible for down to earth, sane women to reach the numbers we are being told is the new norm (this is by pop culture though, the hard stats show something else entirely)
It is interesting that Ramos did put a number out there and it is interesting that it is as high as 30. Each to their own I suppose.
So when you meet a girl, do you say, “Hey, my name’s Greenman. I’m a CFA Charterholder, and I post on AnalystForum. How many dicks have you had stuck in you in all of your various orifices?”
I’m guessing you don’t do that. And any respectable girl isn’t going to tell you for a while. And by the time she tells you, you’ve probably been dating/boning for a while, and by then you should have an idea about whether you really click with her or not.
And if you click, then the number probably won’t bother you too much (unless it’s something waaaay out there that you didn’t see coming). And if you don’t click, then you’re just trying to further defile her anyway, and it shouldn’t bother you, because you’re contributing to it.
U ever not ask a girl but then she starts hanging out with u and ur group of friends and your friends ask her. Then ur friends know and u don’t. Its happened to me lol.
To me, 30 is a big number for a woman. To be honest, I would think a girl is promiscuious (spelling?) if she is >=15 or so in her number…but that’s just me. It’s not fair to her but like you said…to each his own. I mean I may be annoyed if a girl I really like is > 10. I used to be annoyed at > 5. Numbers change b.
What seems to be emerging is that guys get nervous if the woman’s number is larger than theirs. I’ll admit that it can feel like a challenge to one’s masculinity if it seems like she is more experienced (and possibly competent) than he is. But ultimately that’s all perception.
This is an intersting issue, because if we are talking about heterosexual parings, and the M:F ratio is roughly 50/50, then if most men have more partners than most women, mathematically, it must be the case that that a small number women are having sex with dozens and dozens (perhaps hundreds) of men… otherwise, who would the men be having sex with in order to get their number higher than the women’s number??
On the other hand, I’ve also heard a saying that says “While men tell of countless adventures they never had, women have countless adventures they never tell.”
I agree with both ramos and bchad’s posts. What’s too high of a number? One that’s higher than mine. That’s why I’d rather never know. You can assume that if you’re with a reasonably attractive woman, she’s had the opportunity to get with as many guys as she wants. On okcupid there’s a question “divide your age by two. Have you slept with more people than that?” I don’t know but I’m always kind of turned off by the chicks who respond yes to that, especially if they’re early/mid 20s.
There’s no way you are ever getting her number. Even the most promiscuous ones lie to the downside. Besides, once you pass 30 partners, are you really counting and keeping a spreadsheet up to date?