Annoying Habits of People on Planes

Water Cooler
#1

So I’m on a flight yesterday and unable to get upgraded over the dummies in coach due to a totally full flight. I’m in the aisle seat, and this heavy-set, overconfident nerd next to me in the middle seat (after conducting an interview on the phone from the jetway until the point we took off; worse still, by talking through the Apple wired headphones and holding that little voice piece up to his oft-used pie hole like a twerp), pulls out his 2002-looking laptop as soon as we get to cruising altitude and then starts hoisting his hefty arms onto each armrest and blasting away emails – but is typing so furiously that I am feeling a constant, low-grade movement on my right side.

I get that the poor bastards who get stuck in the middle seat should technically have “dibs” on the armrests, but that doesn’t mean that they should be able to sprawl out and jam their sweaty elbows into my ribcage for a 4-hour flight. I have calmed down quite a bit in my old age, but all I could think about was telling this a-hole to get his f*****g arms off the armrests, and follow it up with a bit of unsolicited nutrition advice.

Then I started to get bothered by other things, such as the following, in no particular order:

– This dude was one of these schlubby overweight guys that dresses in slim jeans with those big chunky glasses, as if he weighed 140 lbs. soaking wet, yet my boy was probably pushing three bills, minimum.

– He was clearly conducting an interview prior to takeoff, and it sounded like it was for some consulting firm. He kept using terms like “brand development” and “relationship skills.” I was thankful for the close proximity to a barf bag in the seat pocket in front of me. Then I thought, who is this clown conducting this interview? Did some consulting firm partners get together and say, hey, we need to get this stocky man-child to conduct an interview for us; we care about what he thinks? Worse, what about the poor schmuck on the other end of that phone, actually having to impress this compulsive donut-inhaler?

– If this guy thought he was such a BSD, why was he stuck in the middle seat? Sure, maybe he was a standby, but still, humor me.

– One last item is that to top it off, this bozo was one of these people that continuously is interested in whatever you’re reading or whatever you’re looking at on your phone. I have excellent peripheral vision and I can pick up when people are doing that, so I quickly snap my head to make eye contact to silently make the point “wtf are you looking at?” I did it enough times to where he decided to pay attention to his own s#!t finally.

I will not even get started on the hipster-looking douche in front of me with the prerequisite lumberjack beard, shaved head except for a long slick of hair on top, and flannel shirt that – get this – wore aviator sunglasses the entire time from inside the airport until we deplaned.

So having said all of that, what are the most annoying habits of people on planes that you have experienced?

#2

Sounds like you have some anger issues to work on.

#3

When people with ghetto accents and no college education “preach”. Clearly, this is not limited to people in planes. Also, when girls who have been sluts their whole lives (and in addition have terrible personalities) “settle down” and call their bodies “temples” and demand respect…first, I definitely didn’t respect you before, during, or after I crushed that because let’s face it you dont respect yourself and second…poor guy who is with you, what lies did you feed him? He should have gotten in and out like the rest of us.

And just to be clear, it’s great if a girl is sexually healthy and curious…it’s these ones that are actual serial sluts who like to give life advice to everybody…another effing preacher with no business preaching.

#4

Sounds very “sexually healthy and curious”.

#5

I got beef with babies on planes. Always fucking crying like really? We know youre a baby, your mother and father are right there. STFU what do you have to cry about you dont do shit, except shit.

#6

What’s beef? Beef is when you need two gats to go to sleep

#7

RIP B.I.G.

#8

People who sit in the window seat on daytime flights and close the shade for the entire flight.

People with carry-ons that they can’t put in the overhead without help (senior citizens excluded).

People who have to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes but don’t book an aisle seat.

People who leave their seat reclined while the meal is being served.

People in the back half of the plane who stand in the aisle the second the plane pulls up to the gate, making it impossible for anyone else around them to get things out of the overheads.

People in “Group 6” that hover around the entrance to the jetway when the gate agent hasn’t even called Group 2 yet.

People who take up the entire overhead by sticking their roller bag, personal item, coat, and hat up there.

People who are travelling together, but not sitting together, who feel the need to stand in the aisle and talk to each other the entire flight.

FA’s who make passengers gate check their carry-on bags because the flight is full, but the overheads are practically empty.

#9

This is my biggest fking gripe. One of the last times I flew, I had first class. These fuggers in the back of coach were hounding the entrance and assumed that I was trying to cut in line (perhaps cause I’m black, perhaps not). I almost had to regulate just to get to the gate.

And DoW, no disrespect, but why are you not in first class like the bossman you are!?

#10

Now they droppin an yellin

its a tad bit late

CFAvsMBA had to regulate

#11

^ I didn’t book the flight; it was done by outside sponsor & I didn’t have any say. Believe me, I felt like a king with a clothespin on his nose forced to walk through the street stink of the mass of serfs.

#12

Dang DOW, that sucks. What a D-bag.

These two for me.

#13

I’ve only been seriously bothered once on a plane. Sat next to some guy who gave me an hour long sob story, asked me a bunch of personal questions, and then straight up asked if he could crash at my place until he found somewhere to live. Not uncomfortable at all.

#14

^ The poor guy probably died in the streets a few weeks later because you wouldn’t help him out.

#15

People that bring food on to planes bother me. Can you really not go three hours without stuffing your face?

#16

I do this 100% of the time. Two reasons: 1) Keeps the plane cool. If you’re sitting in a window seat in a suit and the sun is shining on you, you’re going to have a bad time. 2) I like to sleep on planes. Can’t sleep in the middle or aisle seat so I always take the window when I can. Light hinders sleepy-time.

Unofficial reason #3: I don’t like people constantly looking out my window. They lean over and breathe on me and invade my personal space. Closing the shades nips this in the bud.

#17

I sat by a zip who was on his way home from an Amway/Quixtar conference once…

#18

There are people with diabetes that do need to eat at 3 hour intervals or risk hypoglycemic shock. Despite the stereotype, a large number of them are not obese.

#19

I agree with STL over Higg on the window. Keep that mofo closed.

#20

If the angle of the sun is really lighting you up, that’s understandable, but that’s not always the case and certainly can’t be the case on both sides of the plane. You really need to take a nap in the middle of the day on a 2 hour flight?

Also, it’s not your window. If you want to claim ownership of the window, then it’s my aisle so find another way to get on and off the plane and you damn well sure better not expect to use my aisle to get to the bathroom.