Had the opportunity to sleep with a good friend’s ex-GF after a messy break up my junior year of college. Didn’t do it. It was hard (pun intended) but I backed out and brought her out of my apartment for drinks instead and bailed. This friend was probably not worth it and has evolved into a kind of f’d up person, but screwing that chick would have eaten at me for weeks. Better just get with another one.
Whatsyogov is probably a bigger dick here. Mzungu wouldn’t even be a dick if his boss was an enemy…then that would just be warfare.
While you shouldnt mess with someone elses wife…she is much more at fault…she is the married one, she should not have seduced him to begin with. He was a single guy just doing what single guys do but in the end the majority of the responsibility goes to the person who was married…note that this is not a gender thing…if he was the one married and she was the single one, he’d be the POS…and she the slut…in this case Mzungu is the man slut, which is ok, he was single. Anyway, it would have been honorable to say no, but hey, she cheated, not you. I’m not condoning the actions of either one, just saying the married person should take the majority of the blame, they have a commitment to honor.
This is from your original post. This leads me to believe that this wasn’t a one-time affair, and that nobody twisted your arm. Sorry if I don’t believe the “she forced me against my will” story.
My man… Listen, there are no excuses for what i did, i recognize that, and there is nothing i can say to change the past besides use it as a learning experience. Since we are asking quesitons, an ex gf has never thrown herself at you since being married? You’ve never been to a wedding where one of the single bridesmaids gives you the look? I assume you will say you have, and declined the invitation, which leads me to believe you are able to act above instinct. I feel strongly in loyality, when given, and thus i can’t say i agree with your outlook. In Italy, if you present a southern italian the hand gesture the sign of the bull, you can expect to get shot. I subscribe to this sentiment.
I agree that the married party generally has more of the blame. However, mzungu has clearly violated CFA Ethics Standard IV-A: Duties to Employers, Loyalty, as he failed to act in the benefit of and therefore caused harm to his employer. I recommend that iteracom conducts a detailed interview and writes a comprehensive report to CFA Institute.
It’s happened to me once. It was a friend’s gf. When all blood left the brain and went into the msd, my ability to reason was gone. I was 18 at the time. I still regret it.
Just depends on your own moral compass and what you can live with i guess.
If the OP wasn’t particularly close to the boss then outside professional reasons there is no real reason he shouldn’t have slept with her if he was single. If she was willing to cheat with him, chances are their marriage was going to shit anyway. If he actively set out to seduce her then yea, he could probably be termed a douchebag.
There is nothing wrong in sleeping with married people in my opinion. I’ve done it before. I don’t care. Why? I don’t know who they’re married to. I don’t care about that person. I didn’t make a vow to protect everyone on this planet’s self respect and dignity. If you’re out looking for it you’re going to get it somewhere. Why not me? You’re not responsible for what obligations THEY have made. I have obligations to myself - enjoy life.
I do have respect for people who I know though. This is where I’m unsure if what you did is right or not. I leave the married part to the side, because this is not about that. This is about your relationship with the person who’s significant other this was. It does not matter if it’s someone they’re dating or married to it’s the same thing. I would never touch even my friend’s exes without asking. I don’t need to get off bad enough to break a good relationship. I’ve definitely had people I’ve worked with I don’t care for and if you didn’t feel attached to that guy then don’t feel bad.
So, hypothetically, say there is a button you can press that makes a cheeseburger appear. However, at the same time, a bomb explodes and cripples 10 kids in Bangladesh. Would you have no moral reservations about pressing that button? You don’t have any commitments towards those kids. I’m not judging - I just want to understand your life philosophy.
^Agreed. The fact that you’d even try to equate the two is ridiculous.
I agree with Lxwarr on this one. If she’s bound and determine to bone someone, it might as well be me. But this is predicated on the fact that you don’t know the husband.
If you know the husband, and work with him or have a personal relationship with him, then you should be well aware that boning his wife will have plenty of negative consequences.
First of all, I did not say the kids will die - they will only be maimed. Anyway… you are making some kind of quantitative judgment of badness here. If you bang a married person, you cause some harm to that person’s spouse. If you bomb some kid, you cause harm to that kid. If you say the latter harm is worse than the former, you are referring to the scale, rather than the concept itself. There must be a way to scale the harm to the kid such that it is equal to the harm for the spouse. If I slap a random kid lightly across the face, I would say that is not as bad as having sex with someone’s spouse. At some point, there is a breakeven point - maybe punching the kid in the crotch or something.
What I was trying to determine is whether lxwarr’s philosophy is truly as absolutist as his comment implies. Does he really have no obligations to anyone else on earth? If so, then he would not care about bombing kids he does now know. If he cares about bombing kids, then he actually does believe he has an implicit obligation to unrelated people.
All you guys are talking like harm to kids is not scalable. Of course it is. If my cheeseburger machine only caused mild discomfort to some random person, I would press that button all day. However, between that mild discomfort and severe harm, there is certainly an indifference point along that scale. If you can relate the indifference point of harm to kids to some indifference point in messing up people’s families, then you have a way to compare harm to kids to banging peoples’ spouse.
In my experience, it’s tough to say no to a hot married woman who is stradling you and telling you how much she wants you. However, it can be done.
I’ve always felt that if you cheat with a married or otherwise attached woman, you give up all right to be upset if your girlfriend or spouse does that to you. That’s usually been enough to keep me from messing with married women (though separating women get a pass in my book).
I agree with Lxwarr on this one. If she’s bound and determine to bone someone, it might as well be me. But this is predicated on the fact that you don’t know the husband.
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Quite “selective” moral compass…
The way I think about it is I’d never do anything that I wouldn’t want to be done to me, regardless of whether I know the person or not. I know it sounds like a cliche and doesn’t protect you from anything. But the least we could (and should) do is be responsible for our own actions.
I honestly don’t like cheeseburgers all that much, but I would not press the button. I don’t have any obligations to those kids. That means that I don’t have to see that they’re fed, sheltered, taught to read, given love, etc. At the same time that doesn’t mean that I have the right to do something to deny them that. Not being obligated to protect another person’s feeling does not give you the right to hurt that person’s feeling. I think where you misunderstand me is that I don’t view it as I am the person that’s hurting their feelings. They don’t know I exist. If they heard my name it would be brand new to them and meaningless. The pain that person feels comes from the fact their significant other betrayed them - not the fact that I slept with them. They might misdirect their anger at me, but that is exactly as I stated earlier - misdirected.
This is also why I would never touch a friend’s ex either. If I did (which I wouldn’t) and they found it was me then they would be angry at me as well as the other person. Why? Because through years of friendship I’ve created an implicit agreement that I would not hurt them. The agreement means that now I have an obligation to them. I only accept obligations that I create - not what society wants to dictate to me.
Yup. This has nothing to do with me. This has everything to do with them as a couple. If he does confront me I don’t understand what I can say to this COMPLETE STRANGER to make him get closure. The affair is not the disease it is just the visible symptom. I don’t buy the “loving marriage that you ruined” story people try spinning. Only they will know what events happened that led to that point in time and it’s up to them to admit it to themselves.
Note - I do not cheat when I’m in relationships in case you all are wondering. I’ve been seeing someone for the last 8 months.
I agree with this. Op, you are guilty here. maybe she was more, but you had the power to walk away. unless she physically held a gun to your head and forced you to do it.