^is there something you can do that’s even less formal than an email to let someone know you think she’s cute? what do you say in these emails?
Match.com has these things called “winks” (indicators of interest) that can be sent, but they seem really lame. The best thing I think is to send an email, preferably one that is short, and most importantly shows that you read the other’s profile. Issue is that the “good” girls are probably getting deluged with emails on a daily basis, so somehow you need to stand-out.
Maybe through a wink at anyone you think looks good…sounds like a numbers game to me. Ideally, you wink, she winks back, then you send an email. An email right off the bat seems a bit much to me.
The problem is likely that he doesn’t have a picture where his hair is gelled and he’s flexing with his shirt off. A profile is a dealbreaker without one of those.
Mr. Pink Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > The problem is likely that he doesn’t have a > picture where his hair is gelled and he’s flexing > with his shirt off. A profile is a dealbreaker > without one of those. gotta have a bottle of Ice in the background too
L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I will def post sometime this weekend- can’t now. > I put it up Wednesday night, sent out 3 more > emails, and still NO RESPONSES (and as I said I’m > a decent looking guy (so what I’ve been told). I > have gotten about a dozen new views, if that > counts for anything (prob NOT!) > > Now I have a new concern that since my new profile > is so different from the original “tombstone > read,” I will be viewed as either “inconsistent” > or that I paid someone to do it, which I didn’t. One of the guys I work with is trying to do this. He’s a young, successful guy with a good income at a hedge fund and I would guess women find him attractive – tall, good looking guy, etc. Can’t get a hit to save his life. He’s always got some story about how he messaged 10 new girls and only one wrote back and then won’t actually agree to meet him. So he starts writing to the ugly girls, and even they’re not writing back. I read his profile and it screamed “wussy nice guy” (I guess he was taking advice from the guys on this forum and implying that he would take any woman he could get to an expensive dinner on the first date, pay for the whole thing, and complement her profusely throughout the entire evening). Basically, don’t be that guy (not specifically directed at L3BeatIt since I haven’t read his profile).
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Mr. Pink Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > The problem is likely that he doesn’t have a > > picture where his hair is gelled and he’s > flexing > > with his shirt off. A profile is a dealbreaker > > without one of those. > > gotta have a bottle of Ice in the background too LOL
Bromion, It’s not his profile, it’s just that he wrote only 10 girls. They even did not open his profile, it would be the thousandth in line to read.
Things that I’ve found can generate a response: * Humor (especially basically tasteful humor that has a chance of being read as a not-too-obvious double entendre) * Poetry (song lyrics can be a poor-man’s substitute) * Something that explains why you are attracted to her (other than her photo). * Pretty much anything that signifies you put some attention into reading her profile and more than 1 minute of thought into deciding what to write. Even with this, you still get a response from only about 1 in 4, but it gets easier from there.
As promised here is my new masterpiece: “I am a fun loving person with a decent sense of humor. I like to analyze things- like how on earth do I write a decent online profile? Or how on earth do I stop the bathroom faucet from leaking? (the former may be more of a challenge). So a little about me- Being active is important to me- that usually means going to the gym, playing sports, taking walks, going for a drive, or my favorite activity- creating mischief ƒº I can be intense at times but also know how to chill. ( a beer or a long run will help facilitate that!) One of my passions is music- I used to play the piano but gave up because I really wasn¡¦t that good despite my best efforts ( couldn¡¦t get my ears and fingers sync¡¦d up I guess). Nevertheless, music is something that has and will continue to elevate and inspire me. Someone once said ¡§music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.¡¨ I couldn¡¦t agree more. Another thing about me is that I really like to eat! Although I enjoy cooking- and have been told I¡¦m not too bad at it- I tend to enjoy food more at restaurants or when it¡¦s made by someone else. Staying on the food theme I like food fights with whipped cream and strawberries- actually never done that but is on my bucket list ƒº About who I¡¦m looking for- really just looking for someone who is somewhat normal. Someone I can ¡§gel¡¨ with, someone who can appreciate what I can offer. She is fun, intelligent, sexy, passionate ( in adjective heaven here, sorry!), that has a healthy sense of humor… And if things really click, then someone to grow old with perhaps?¡K. a second act¡K.”
This is a lot better than before. However, you need to reduce the self-deprecating comments. I know you are probably trying not to sound arrogant, but each time you say “but I’m not really that good” (at piano, fixing faucets, etc), it makes her think “I want a guy with more”. But still, much improved.
L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > As promised here is my new masterpiece: > > “I am a fun loving person with a decent sense of > humor. I like to analyze things- like how on > earth do I write a decent online profile? Or how > on earth do I stop the bathroom faucet from > leaking? (the former may be more of a > challenge). > > So a little about me- Being active is important to > me- that usually means going to the gym, playing > sports, taking walks, going for a drive, or my > favorite activity- creating mischief ƒº I can be > intense at times but also know how to chill. ( a > beer or a long run will help facilitate that!) > One of my passions is music- I used to play the > piano but gave up because I really wasn¡¦t that > good despite my best efforts ( couldn¡¦t get my > ears and fingers sync¡¦d up I guess). > Nevertheless, music is something that has and will > continue to elevate and inspire me. Someone once > said ¡§music and rhythm find their way into the > secret places of the soul.¡¨ I couldn¡¦t agree > more. > > Another thing about me is that I really like to > eat! Although I enjoy cooking- and have been told > I¡¦m not too bad at it- I tend to enjoy food more > at restaurants or when it¡¦s made by someone else. > Staying on the food theme I like food fights with > whipped cream and strawberries- actually never > done that but is on my bucket list ƒº > > > About who I¡¦m looking for- really just looking > for someone who is somewhat normal. Someone I can > ¡§gel¡¨ with, someone who can appreciate what I > can offer. She is fun, intelligent, sexy, > passionate ( in adjective heaven here, sorry!), > that has a healthy sense of humor… And if things > really click, then someone to grow old with > perhaps?¡K. a second act¡K.” Okay, now we have something to work with. I’m not trying to be ruthless here, but bluntness is required to get the message across in this case. Your written profile is definitely your problem if you said you are a decent looking guy that is well educated, etc. If there is one immutable law of dating, it’s that women are attracted to confident, high status guys. She wants to bang (and by extension, date) a guy who has his act together and projects a sense of confidence and ability in the things he does. Women are not attracted to weakness or guys that lack confidence. I know plenty of guys who make good money and are good looking (would be a catch on paper), but have “negative game” (traits described above) and they fail with women. It’s really that simple. I’m not saying you need to be a meathead or macho, but your profile makes you sound like you have some inner challenges going on. Focus on your positive qualities and avoid the negative stuff altogether (women know that guys they meet online, or anywhere for that matter, are going to have challenges – no need to point it out to her right off the bat). More specifically: Analyzing = bad. Save that analytics for work. Men are decisive. This makes it sound like you are going to be analyzing her every move and wanting to “talk about the relationship” all the time. Fail. Active is good. Intensity, not so much. Leave that out. Don’t talk about anything you’re not good at, and don’t highlight how you quit on something that was difficult for you. Those qualities are turnoffs. Inspiration is good. Talk about what kind of music you like instead of just music in general. Details are good, while generic statements aren’t that helpful. Don’t be modest. Are you good at cooking (bonus points) or “not too bad at it” (this is actually probably negative points since it shows a lack of confidence). The food fight thing could be creepy to women. It’s your profile. Don’t apologize. In fact, try to erase the word “sorry” from your vocabulary in general. If you act decisively and do what is right, you’ll find you don’t need to apologize anyway. Never be sorry for being yourself. No growing old together. You can’t plan that. Your profile communicates “I need a woman to be happy” when it should communicate “I have my stuff together and have a great life and could take it or leave it since my happiness doesn’t depend on you” Just my unsolicited two cents. Good luck.
Valores Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Bromion, > It’s not his profile, it’s just that he wrote only > 10 girls. They even did not open his profile, it > would be the thousandth in line to read. No, he wrote a lot more than that. Re-read what I wrote. His profile is similar to L3’s. That kind of profile / approach to dating just doesn’t work.
I wouldn’t write a long profile, anyways nobody’s gonna read it, or almost nobody. Ppl just skip to essentials: height, income, education, a glance at the photo, and it’s fine. Nowadays ppl chat at badoo, no need for profile whatsoever, just a line, like “I am just looking around, let’s see” or something. When girls go through a hundred of profiles each day, they wouldn’t read 200 words text, unless they r jerks.
L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > As promised here is my new masterpiece: > > “I am a fun loving person with a decent sense of > humor. I like to analyze things- like how on > earth do I write a decent online profile? Or how > on earth do I stop the bathroom faucet from > leaking? (the former may be more of a > challenge). > > So a little about me- Being active is important to > me- that usually means going to the gym, playing > sports, taking walks, going for a drive, or my > favorite activity- creating mischief ƒº I can be > intense at times but also know how to chill. ( a > beer or a long run will help facilitate that!) > One of my passions is music- I used to play the > piano but gave up because I really wasn¡¦t that > good despite my best efforts ( couldn¡¦t get my > ears and fingers sync¡¦d up I guess). > Nevertheless, music is something that has and will > continue to elevate and inspire me. Someone once > said ¡§music and rhythm find their way into the > secret places of the soul.¡¨ I couldn¡¦t agree > more. > > Another thing about me is that I really like to > eat! Although I enjoy cooking- and have been told > I¡¦m not too bad at it- I tend to enjoy food more > at restaurants or when it¡¦s made by someone else. > Staying on the food theme I like food fights with > whipped cream and strawberries- actually never > done that but is on my bucket list ƒº > > > About who I¡¦m looking for- really just looking > for someone who is somewhat normal. Someone I can > ¡§gel¡¨ with, someone who can appreciate what I > can offer. She is fun, intelligent, sexy, > passionate ( in adjective heaven here, sorry!), > that has a healthy sense of humor… And if things > really click, then someone to grow old with > perhaps?¡K. a second act¡K.” I hope that was supposed to be satirical. I have heard that good advice for online positioning is for the guy to throw out high status signs, like talking about your professional high paying job, precious time since you work so much, travel to exotic locales, expensive new england education, etc. but mix this in an understated way…“My favorite sports team is XYZ since I went to college in [location of prestigious uni].”
My theory is that online dating is better for guys around the holiday season…and also near valentines. girls are more desperate to find a b-friend for those holiday parties.
Valores Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I wouldn’t write a long profile, anyways nobody’s > gonna read it, or almost nobody. Ppl just skip to > essentials: height, income, education, a glance at > the photo, and it’s fine. Nowadays ppl chat at > badoo, no need for profile whatsoever, just a > line, like “I am just looking around, let’s see” > or something. When girls go through a hundred of > profiles each day, they wouldn’t read 200 words > text, unless they r jerks. Women definitely read profiles. A lot more than the men. And if your profile is engaging, “flows well,” and the additional words actually add value (producing a better and more attractive image of you) they will even read a long one. Some years back, I clicked on a woman’s profile, and was worried that it was an ex-friend of mine, someone I desperately wanted to avoid. She would know I clicked on her and would see my photo, and this woman was big trouble, so I instantly took down my photos so she wouldn’t recognize me, and I didn’t put them back up for a week. To my great surprise, I had women writing to me even without a photo saying that they liked what I wrote in my profile and inviting me to write back. I was completely stunned. I don’t look at profiles without photos, because if they turn out to be someone I am not physically attracted to, it is too unpleasant to say, “look, you seem nice, but…” But women like to read profiles… even profiles without photos, it seems. It titillates the imagination. I agree with bromion on some points, but not others. You definitely need to strike all of the “hedging” kinds of words from the message. You can show your vulnerabilities later, after she has decided she admires you. At that point, she feels that you are confiding in her, and it’s endearing. But at first, she’s often more concerned about what her friends might think about you if you’re seen together or they read your profile. So as long as you don’t appear to be too obnoxiously overconfident (I’m the best darned cook this side of the atlantic, and I am a black belt in Tantra, and can lift 400 pounds without spotters).
I see your points bromion and bchadwick. One thing I’m trying to prevent is my sounding too cocky/arrogant- I’ve been told in real person i can be this way, so I’m trying to be “modest” and maybe even a tad meek- but this has gotten me no where so far (it’s been a few weeks on match.com), SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO I HUMBLY SUBIT MY LATEST AND GREATEST MASTERPIECE… "I am a fun loving person with a decent sense of humor. I like to think about things- like how on earth do I write a decent online profile? Or how on earth do I stop the bathroom faucet from leaking? (the former may be more of a challenge, haha). So a little about me- Being active is important to me- that usually means going to the gym, playing sports, taking walks, going for a drive, or my favorite activity- creating mischief:-) I can be pretty focused on things but also know how to chill and relax. (a beer or a long run will help facilitate that!) One of my passions is music. I used to play the piano/flute. Music is something that has and will continue to elevate and inspire me. Jazz, Classical, and, of course, Rock are some of my favorite genres Someone once said “music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.” I couldn’t agree more. Another thing about me is that I really like to eat! Although I enjoy cooking- and have been told I’m damn good- I tend to enjoy food more at restaurants or when it’s made by someone else. Staying on the food theme I like food fights with whipped cream and strawberries- actually never done that but is on my bucket list 
About who I’m looking for- really just looking for someone who is somewhat normal. Someone I can “gel” with, someone who can appreciate what I can offer. She is fun, intelligent, sexy, passionate (can you tell I like adjectives?), that has a healthy sense of humor… And if things really click, then….??? "
This is a good thread, finally a decent dicussion on AF. bchadwick Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- To my great > surprise, I had women writing to me even without a > photo saying that they liked what I wrote in my > profile and inviting me to write back. I was > completely stunned. I don’t look at profiles > without photos, because if they turn out to be > someone I am not physically attracted to, it is > too unpleasant to say, “look, you seem nice, > but…” This is critical, let’s not miss this. Guys think women only lust after money and Brad Pitt-like good looks. Those things definitely help, but you don’t need either. Mostly, women want a guy they can respect, who seems confident in himself, has his life in order, and is fun. Guys have a hard time understanding this because we’re wired to go for looks above all else, and so guys try to frame women’s preference in the same way. Once a guy realizes that “what women want” isn’t such a mystery, he can start trying to cultivate a better / more effective personality and persona. In other words, of course women read the profile. > I agree with bromion on some points, but not > others. You definitely need to strike all of the > “hedging” kinds of words from the message. You > can show your vulnerabilities later, after she has > decided she admires you. At that point, she feels > that you are confiding in her, and it’s endearing. > But at first, she’s often more concerned about > what her friends might think about you if you’re > seen together or they read your profile. So as > long as you don’t appear to be too obnoxiously > overconfident (I’m the best darned cook this side > of the atlantic, and I am a black belt in Tantra, > and can lift 400 pounds without spotters). My point was not to brag about what you do / are, because that is also negative game. Bad: “I am the baddest cook in xyz area. You will orgasm when you eat the food I cook.” Good: “I’m passionate about cooking and have studied at X school or been doing it for a long time or whatever. I like to host parties and cook for my friends (and then mention something you made recently).” Or whatever – don’t lie, just say whatever happens to be true in a positive light. Use details. Paint a picture. Don’t apologize.
L3BeatIt Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I see your points bromion and bchadwick. One > thing I’m trying to prevent is my sounding too > cocky/arrogant- I’ve been told in real person i > can be this way, so I’m trying to be “modest” and > maybe even a tad meek- but this has gotten me no > where so far (it’s been a few weeks on match.com), > SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO I HUMBLY SUBIT MY LATEST > AND GREATEST MASTERPIECE… The fix to this is simple. Arrogant-serious = fail. Cocky-playful = win. If you’re pushing the envelope and showing you’re a high quality guy, but you’re doing it in a fun way, no girl is going to turn her back on you. The key is to be fun. Think about it. Also, meek never works. If you’re serious about getting results, you should pick up some books on game or read some articles and blogs on the net. I think you have potential, but it would take some effort. If you’re smart enough to pass the CFA exams, you can definitely learn game.