Are you and this girl both in your early 20s? If so, she (and you) do not have fully developed frontal lobes. That’s why you have problems understanding the emotional needs of others. It’s science. My advice is that you shouldn’t have a serious relationship until your late 20s. Enjoy getting some tail and quit trying to make sense of people who don’t know who they are or what they want in a partner.
Zooming out macro-level, there has been a deterioration in relations between the genders in America since the 50s. Since the male/female bond is the center of the family unit, and the family unit is the center of homo sapien life, they are pretty much screwed. My call was to opt out, it’s a no win game.
^Lol.Did you predict this also ?
Well, I just observed it I guess; it was there when I was born and got worse as I grew up. I expect it will continue to get worse.
Poor gender relations > dissatisfaction and decreased health > increased profits.
Man, you have it made right now. She’s cool when you are together and doesn’t annoy you when you are away. Thats perfect, have fun with her and have fun with others when she is away. Whats the problem?
What does this mean? You’re gay?
^ Opt out of the American relationship market, they are screwed.
I guess I have gotten over sensitive on the whole issue.Yeah,I see your point .
@SCB…it is simple. Only go by her actions, what she says is irrelevant anyway.
To continue with what PA was talking about… I think pairing up as a default is on its way out. Family units and classic monogamous relationships are struggling at increasing rates. However I do not blame this on a degradation of society. I more view it as an adaptation. The modern world no longer requires the family unit to survive. Individuals find they can survive and even thrive independently. What held the unit together used to be necessity and now that is no longer the case. So now there is this strife between tradition and what will actually work best for people.
Solitude works best for some people. I have found it works best for me so I decided to choose it. I have been very happy with that choice yet the fact that people want to argue with me on how I don’t really know what will make me happy goes to show you society does not deem it an acceptable choice. The problem is it probably is the best choice for many people but they wrestle with themselves trying to make a partnership work because they think the only way to have a good life is to do it with a SO.
I think society needs to head to a place where individuals are able to pursue what will work best for them. That would be conducive to an efficient society. Those who get a lot out of a partnership can pair up. Those who operate best unattached can do that. Some will want to form family unit and will commit to it because that is what will bring the most fulfillment for them. Some will have no interest in family life will be permitted to recognize that about themselves and therefor not be doomed to force a situation they don’t want nor would they find very fulfilling.
@KMD, as a society we are there now. No one is forced into anything.
@PA, i agree, get yourself a foreign girl, stay away from russians tho.
@KMD: Divorce rates have been steadily declining since the 1970s. I’m not sure Entertainment Tonight reflects society.
Effectively yes… but the propaganda is still there. “pair up or be miserable”. I think very few actually do the self analysis to ask if that is what they want. The question does not exist yet… This thinking does not exist yet: Even the best relationship will cost you something. Will what you get be worth the cost?
For some the answer will be yes, for others no.
Interesting! I understand this view, and clearly many people share it.
Why I do not, is because “adaption” (meaning modern social trends), is not the same as genetic adaption. Each new generation is born with the same instincts we evolved over millions of years. But they find themselves in a society that values something different. That creates discord, and they end up being dissatisfied and confused in life.
Basically we are saying the same thing, except you are interpreting how we are genetically programmed as “a problem”, while I’m saying the modern ideas create an irreconcilable problem, since they go against nature/evolution (which won’t budge in the short-term).
Interesting, see I would say the propaganda is “you don’t need anyone”, “just be happy alone”. Genetic programming is not really propaganda in my mind. Are the feminists and polyamorists super happy people?? They lie to themselves a lot about how they “should” be happy, but they don’t seem happy to me.
You serious? People have been questioning monogamy for centuries. read Schopenhauer, he had this concept, albeit from a male dominated lens, years and years ago.
Governments have been replacing the “need” to cultivate familial relations. Even to the point that people don’t think family is important. Few would argue it’s better to rely on the government instead of your family unit. Everyone, sooner later, will need help. Those in solitude enjoy, but everyone’s day will come.
@whats - you dated russian before?
@kmd - when was your last serious relationship
I occasionally think that being free and single would be amazing but then I hear what dating is like in NYC and reconsider
@PA… Has there ever been any examples of species that evolved to have less young in order to better propagate the survival rate of the species. Could that be happening here if some of the population decide to go the family direction and some choose to not? Also, the “propaganda” I refer to is in the media and in our mythology, ending up alone is supposed to be devastation while living happily ever after with your soul mate is supposed to be the heroes’ ending. Even that movie “500 days of Summer” chickened out in the end. Where are the stories of people who lived happily ever after on their own and are celebrated for it? Dick Proennek… that’s pretty much it. Usually the loner, if celebrated at all, is rewarded for “making the best of their situation” or is some playboy type character who people secretly pity for their hollow happiness.
case in point…I will bump the thread where I discussed my choice and then basically had to defend it to people.
@Ghibli… I see what you mean. Part of the reason individuals are able to feel comfortable outside the family unit is because of the safety net in place. That is part of the reason why there is a choice to opt family or no family. My point is that the default answer is still “family/ SO”. The evidence of that is the response I get in the thread I am bumping.
I don’t suggest this is some great social problem that must be addressed. It is just an observation. I think a lot of people keep having failed relationships because they don’t really want to be in one… they just don’t know it.
@Igor… My last serious relationship ended 7 years ago. I lived with the man. Everything was pretty good, but it ended like all my other relationships. I ended up resenting him for taking away my solitude.
why not marry a surgeon or high powered lawyer? you’ll get plenty of solitude and plenty of $$ to try and beat the market while you’re hanging out in your mansion.
KMD, probably a creepy question. I hope I would ask a male as well given the claims of fulfillment through solitude. But do you crave a sex life? Do you have one? Given your age, I would think your body is going nuts?