Can't understand men (so feedback please)

Water Cooler
#1

Can’t think of another platform where male/female ratio is so skewed (that I can access ie no bathrooms), so would appreciate your feedbacks. If you were in these positions, what would you consider the ‘kindest’ response:

-Saying no without being asked-- went on 2 dates with a genuinely nice guy, however absolutely uninterested. Should I say so, or fade out? I used to fade out in the past, but I’m wondering if saying clearly thanks, but no thanks is the right thing to do. Which is kinder?

-Friendzone–ok why is hated. Can’t we just be friends? (different person). Should I make it clear that I enjoy being friends, or just let it play out to see where it goes (it won’t). Or, if it hasn’t been brought up, is that an official stamp of friendzone approval from the guy too? If only he were gay…

Ok not a what is the best/kindest response question, but would appreciate feedback as well–

-Parents excitedly arranging marriages (ok, just dates), but doesn’t seem half bad- went home a few weeks ago and accompanied parents to community event. Met another family there with a son a few years older than I am. Father somehow liked him immensely and practically married us on the spot. I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed, but he seemed very nice. How would you feel if someone you met in that context reached out to you, and what in the world can I say? We were all drinking quite a lot haha if that changes the story at all.

As a sidenote, I assume many of you work long days… how in the world do you find time for a relationship/marriage/family? This is all very depressing.

#2

You’ll be doing him a favor by just telling him no and not wasting his time. He will get over it quickly.

Well are you interested?

#3
  • Let the nice guy down gently. Stringing him along or ignoring him isn’t the right thing to do.
  • No, men and women can’t be friends. (bchad will say differently shortly.) It’s genetically impossible. Provided you’re even moderately attractive, the guy-friend will want to have sex with you and ultimately resent you.
  • Once you reach a certain age your parents start setting you up. Sure, it’s not ideal but you’re obviously single and you have a finite amount of eggs so…go for it.
#4

+1 to Sweep

For point #2, tell him you’d just like to remain friends. He won’t resent your honesty. You can be friends with him. He’ll probably still want to sleep with you though, just like the rest of your guy friends.

#5

#6

Sweep the Leg is completely right. Follow his wisdom.

#7

If he asked you on a 3rd date, then of course you have to say you are not interested. Not just go off the radar…

#8

There has got to be exeptions to that! A woman cannot possibly be attractive to every guy she meets. Why not be friends in that case?

#9

+1 to all of it.

As far as the bold part–him wanting to have sex with you is not a bad thing. If you want to have sex with him, then go for it. Just make sure that he knows that it’s simply a FWB thing, and that it ends as soon as you find your next soul mate.

As far as your “arranged marriage”, why not just go out with the guy and give it a shot?

#10

Not every woman is attractive, only those between the ages of 16 and 85, still breathing, and having a VJJ are.

Also, what does finding a woman attractive have to do with wanting to have sex with a woman?

#11

No. A woman doesn’t necessarily have to be attractive for a guy to want to sleep with her.

Chances are that if a woman is within 10 years of my age and is not related to me, then I would appreciate a chance to boink her.

edit - Naren beat me to it.

#12

This is how I feel too. Even if I feel someone is attractive, I can be friends with him. What if we’re just plainly incompatible? Surely he must realize that and that it’s better off being friends.

#13

For some reason beyond any man’s understanding, women **love to complicate things**.

Truth is, guys for the most part are very easy to figure out. For instance, if you’re at least a “6” then there is at least a 98% chance that the guy you go on a date with wants to have sex with you. If you don’t feel the same (usually decided by a woman in the first 30 seconds that she meets a new guy – I know this to be the “general rule”) then simply move on.

Yes, it’s *that simple*

#14

Life is so much more fun when you have a best friend to complicate everything with.

#15

Why I want to have at least a few guy friends. Duh.

#16

Guys and girls can be friends. I have a couple of girl “friends” that I have zero interest in banging but generally are nice people that I hang with / enjoy their company.

I recently went on a date with a woman who was very nice, we got along/had things in common, and had good conversation but I was not physically attracted to her at all. This is somebody I could be friends with.

#17

Fixed that for ya.

#18

I think what’s really really hard for guys to do though is to go from wanting to sleep with a girl to not wanting to sleep with a girl. Maybe if she got ugly or annoying you can make that change, but otherwise…

Going from wanting to sleep with a girl to agreeing to “just be friends” is dishonest. I’d rather cut a girl completely out of my life than pretend to be friends with her in the hopes that one day I might get the chance to sleep with her. It makes you a bad friend anyway.

#19

That’s what I would think. But apparently on AF everyone wants to bang everyone

#20

But does she really have to be ugly or annoying for you not to want to sleep with her?!? Sometimes there is simply no chemistry.