Seeing a counsellor

Water Cooler
#1

So big story, no homo.

I’ve been seeing a counselor. I’m trying to get to the route cause of why i’m an emotional retard. i don’t let myself have feelings, i don’t allow myself to feel sadness, anxious, pitty, happiness, scared, nervousness or upset… and i struggle with understanding the reasons for those emotions in others (my wife for one).

I’ve been exploring why, and how.

If someone asks me, ‘how are you feeling’ my vocabulary and self understanding doesn’t allow me to express it very easily. Or i just go with 'hungry, ‘tired’ or some physical feeling which i’m ok to associate with.

I’ve started to learn that this is due to my busy’ness. I’ll plan things. If scenario A happens, then i’ll quickly move to scenario B. If sh i t happens, then my coping mechanism is to find a solution and move on and jump to the next thing, hit the gym, go for a run, cook something… escapism, take my mind off things. Is this healthy? What is in it for me if i sit and think about how scenario A makes me feel?

The strange this is, i can watch a film and cry like a little bit ch but when something sh i t happens in real life, i don’t dwell on the emotion and i don’t allow myself time to feel it.

I asked my counselor what are the benefits of feeling? Why can’t i just move onto the next thing? … She said that my chosen partner is very emotional (as are lots of women) and communication is key to a successful marriage, it will be better if you understand her emotions and she has to understand yours… you can ‘talk’ about things that are happening at work or family or life and how they are impacting you emotionally. If and when you have children and your kid says ‘my tummy feels strange’ then you can associate that with anxiousness, nervousness, being scared.

I’ve decided to give myself patience. The next time something bad (or good) happens, then i will practice talking about it. How it makes me feel. But i need to practice, because in the past 30 years or so i’ve not had the vocabulary or self awareness to talk about it.

What you think? Do you understand your emotions?

#2

I don’t think understanding your emotions should be the goal

#3

Well, two possibilities here, 1) maybe you’re just a natural person not brainwashed by this cultural movement that obsesses with how we “feel” about things, and/or 2) a sociopath and thus genetically do not have feelings.

I think I’m a bit of both, and it’s fantastic. :+1:

#4

hmmm this sounds familiar. i used to cut off emotions because i would feel them too intensely. it took a while to learn that stopping emotions before you process them is not healthy – it will cause you to act out in unhealthy ways, not necessarily related to that emotion itself, but the energy has to go somewhere and has a high probability of going into something that is not beneficial.

the thing with emotions is that you can only control how you process them, not the fact that they occur. through meditation i learned how to let an emotion occur but to detach from it and observe it. This has several advantages: (1) you can create space between the emotion and your outward reaction to it, which allows you to react in the most beneficial way in a ‘hot’ situation – this has HUGE benefits in all aspects of life including business, (2) it allows you to fully process it without cutting it off. The key is to allow yourself to feel the emotion in order to process it, but also to have control over your reaction to it. Once you get good at it, you’ll see every aspect of your life improve, and you’ll be much better at communicating your emotions and understanding other people’s emotions. If there was only 1 skill i could pass on to my children, it would be the ability to create space between an emotion and their reaction to it. it is the key to happiness.

#5

^Yeah listen to the guy who melts down weekly, calls everyone retards and brags about how much money he makes to inflate his own ego every time he is challenged on a point.

#6

I’m pretty sure cw doesnt really know what hes talking about but I agree with what he wrote. Consider signing up for a 10 day intro course.

https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index

#7

i don’t melt down, you do! YOU DO!

i don’t brag, i point out facts as evidence when we’re debating ways of processing information. you respond emotionally because you have an inferiority complex about your level of career success.

#8

lol cw keep exposing the secret satanic pedophile rings and ufos, there will be something solid to back up your claims some day, we believe in you

#9

or a baby step could be to read Unbeatable Mind by Mark Divine. Lots of wisdom in there.

#10

The couple books I’ve read on the subject were by Jon Kabat-Zinn and are excellent. Full Catastrophe Living is particularly handy and I still source it quite a bit.

#11

Jkz is a boss

#12

jesus why is all of WC having a meltdown recently? hopefully you get the help you need pok were rooting for you

#13

I think you’re taking the right steps brother. Sometimes it helps to be a cold hearted m-fka but it doesn’t work for SOs. With the last girl I had the same issues - she was emotional about me not being emotional, and I was just focused on moving forward and not letting things get me down. In order to have a sustainable relationship you will have to dial the latter down and get closer to her level, it’s not all bad, you’ll actually feel more human in aspects of your life that you may enjoy. Your therapist isn’t wrong, part of fixing this is that she also has to see where you’re coming from. She will never completely understand it but she has to be able to accept it. And despite all this gender neutral 2017 standards, she will lean on you to be her rock in tough moments where your rational/action will be best suited, and vice versa during times of (your) personal loss, and bad days that will eventually come. In some ways, men and women are natural complimentary goods. Be patient, talk to your therapist openly about your feelings. Once you start verbalizing and practicing you will be able to focus the message to yourself and others, you’ll likely feel a lot better too.

Ps. only movies I ever teared at were Braveheart and Toy Story 3 when they were in the incinerator. Every other film is hacksaw.

#14

ok what’s the most embarrassing movie the AF BSDs have teared up watching? For me there are so many I’ll have to figure out which is the most embarrassing.

#15

my bitcoin friend wants to see a counselor lol he has family problems. niggas be begging for money. lulz. anyways i told him i really see no point to it, you have friends for a reason. its cheaper. lol. plus you can tell those broke niggas to stfu. they not yo problem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGfJVTEplj0

Bitch you broke, shut upDon’t talk to me, get your bread up And we used to fuck but I got fed upWe eatin’, all my niggas fed up

im pretty in control with my emotions. i never lose my cool. im pretty straight up for the most part. when people say why did you do this? i usually already know the answer to it. when i make a mistake, i usually just admit to it and say i did it because x y and z. when i am right, even if i know i will hurt the other person i will point out why i think is wrong. and when they blow up, i usually just say this is how i feel, and this why i think it is.

lol anyways i think there is a difference between knowing your emotions and crying. crying occurs when you lose control of your emotions so which is prolly why i dont like to see it. understanding yourself and controlling those emotions is key and self reflection will get you there.

in private i can cry, because only in those personal moments do i allow my emotions to move freely. in public though those feelings are in check because you’re a guy, so man the fuck up. anyways if you were a girl i think its more ok to cry. just fyi.

defintiely cried on braveheart and patriot. i am a bit of a nationalist so i can relate to those things.

#16

lol

#17

My cheese is still firm.

Still don’t give a damn about my emotions, still not high on corn syrup and prozac, still not a vegan, still not a millennial, still not screaming at the sky cause “Trump!!!”.

The kids here need to toughen up like PA. :bulb: :slightly_smiling_face: :bulb:

#18

Thanks ya’ll. I don’t think i’m strange… i think i’m pretty normal for a bloke… especially one without sisters or in the company of many emotionally stable women growing up. A few of my pals are very emotional and erratic. I like my nature as it is as it helps me function every single day without emotional compromise. BUT it doesn’t help me in building relationships… it hinders me.

My dad was (and still is) and typical stiff upper lipped english man… literally only seen emotion from him twice in my life. And that was when ppl died in our family.

i think the issue is, when i’m sad, my mrs is also sad for the same reasons…but i’m there to try and be her rock and comfort her and be strong. If i talk about my feelings to her …or even attempt to talk about them, then i wont be her rock anymore…

I like Turd’s idea… understanding the emotion is there and letting it flow around and over you. Before letting it go. Being an observer to it. I think i need to read up on that some more. Thanks El’macca and Turd!

#19

why does everything you say make you come off like such an egomaniac… nothing wrong with being able to express emotions dude - we get you like to pretend your a robot and all and while im sure your wife is extremely grateful for this skill the rest of us humans are not and dont care. Cool story bro :+1:

#20

I’ve had this one on my shelf for some time…