11 ways to Fake Work like everyone else in your office (Wall Street Oasis)

11 ways to Fake Work like everyone else in your office By minibar, 7/11/12 at 3:28pm http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/11-ways-to-fake-work-like-everyone-else-in-your-office

Everyone’s on vacation. You’ve pretty much done minimal work the last week because you were celebrating your independence. Let’s face it, you’ve probably checked out since memorial day weekend and now begins the long stretch towards labor day weekend and the end of the lazy summer. With most colleagues on vacation, it’s pretty difficult to get much done during the summer - but you’re stuck behind a desk anyway. So how do you keep busy and stay underneath the radar, while doing as little as possible?

I’m by no means a pro, but here’s a list of tricks I’ve picked up and have seen others execute masterfully along the way. These tricks are almost as powerful as Ben Bernanke’s eyebrows, so please, use wisely or else you’ll ruin it for the rest us. • Always have a few spreadsheets up This one can be tweaked, depending on your job, but the key here is to always look like to you’re plugging away at some document. You could be working on a personal budget spreadsheet or a comprehensive list of local bars and happy hour list. It doesn’t matter, just keep your desktop covered with things that look like work.

• Take notes Take notes furiously. Keep a notebook open and glance up at your spreadsheets and then jot down a few fake notes. Everyone will surely think, “man, they’re writing up a storm, better not disturb, I’ll come back later”

• Block off some time on your calendar This is one I use year round. I don’t like Monday morning meetings and I certainly don’t like a meeting on a Friday after 2pm - so I block off some time in outlook. Bingo Bango, no one tries to book those slots. Put a few of those on your calendar - use sparingly and in combination with the next tip.

• Take a walk and carry a prop If your’re gonna step away (during aforementioned blocked off timeslots) to take a lap around the floor or the building, for that matter, take a notebook with you. Everyone will think you’re on your way to take notes somewhere. I also like to print random things at the printer fartherest away from my desk - not because I hate the environment, but because I dont have a printer at home. Taking a long walk to the printer and staring really hard at what I just printed in the copy room makes me feel busy.

• Take a walk and leave a prop When combined with the previous tip, this is a sure-fire way to look like you’re really on the move. Leave some food out - a half eaten apple or something next to a spare notebook with a strategically placed pen/highlighter. No one will beleive that you’ll be gone for an hour if you leave a half eaten granola bar at your desk next to notes that you were obviously busy reviewing.

• Walk with a purpose If you’re walking fast (with notebook in hand) it must mean you really need to be somewhere and have no time to dilly dally around. You’ve got places to go and people to see. For a dramatic flare, look pissed off.

• Make your desk look like staples threw up on it I like to have a mix of random notes, notebooks, and slide decks strewn across my desk. Expert tip: Have some the slide decks open and stick some post-its on it so it looks like you read through it and have some items to follow up on when you have the “bandwidth”.

• Have a Penske file on hand Forgive me for the Seinfeld reference, but George really nailed this one. Have a vague project that no one really knows about. Talk to anyone, anywhere, all the time about it. “the Pensky file… can’t wait to sink my teeth into that.“ You’ll never actually work because you’re so busy telling everyone how busy you are.

• E-mails, lots of E-mails You can send and receive e-mails to yourself. You can schedule your emails to be sent later. The sound of you clammering away at those emails is a sure sign that you really chipping away at that to-do list. Schedule an email to be sent late in the day so it really makes you seem like you’re burning the midnight oil. Or schedule it to send before the work day - early bird gets the worm, right?

• Headsets - these are now attached to you Keep your headset on at all times. Makes it look like you’re on back to back calls all day. Combine this with your laps around the floor and those fake meetings you created in outlook and no one’s gonna mess with you because you’re so busy taking calls and notes - a regular walls street mover and/or shaker

• Do some actual work…but not too much Use this as a last resort. When all else fails, do a little work. But don’t spread yourself too thin! Easy there, tiger. Don’t do today what can wait until tomorrow.

We have about 6 more weeks of summer, so what are your suggestions for looking busy during the slow times.


I wish my days were that slow…yowza

i learned about ppl pretending to work 2 years into my career when i noticed a guy just clicking between spreadsheets…later on,i asked around and pretending to work is actually quite common…

I’m guilty of pretty much all of these

I have a privacy screen on my laptop, so it’s easy to keep something work related on my big external monitor and something like AF or Facebook on the laptop screen

I knew a manager that had 2 computer screens, and he positioned them so from his office door you could only see 1 of the screens (which always had an excel file open)

But some of us knew that 70% of the time, he was wasting time reading kindle, watching sports, or doing nothing on the screen you can’t see.

Oh and this guy is still employed. f*cked up.

i just read the news or come on here when not working…

I used to do this untl I realized that people could see the reflection of my other monitor in the window behind me. Took me several months to realize it though.

I do an awful lot of this stuff. Having multiple floors is ideal, cause you can just disappear to another floor, do the walk, then move on to the next one. I know a few guys that literally walk every floor except the top (for obvious reasons). They just disappear for an hour or more at a time doing that, and everybody assumes they’re just in meetings.

All this shit is beneath me…I keep youtube on one screen and some shit on the other monitor… Wishing a MF would say something to me

haha…so how many hours are you working for real (minus all the sneaky youtube/tetris stuff)

Definitely keep some spreadsheets up.

Never use the facilities close to you. Use the bathroom on another floor. Use the printer on another floor. Deliver documents personally rather than internal mail service. Take a daily trip to your local stationary depot to collect some highlighters, dividers etc.

My personal favorite is to scan like 10-15 pages to your email (pick back to back pages documents and scan 1 by 1) then when u receive them you delete them. Do this 2 or 3 times a day and you take off a good hour or so. Try to jam it if you can and attempt to fix it yourself - thats even more time killed.

I wish I had days like these. My summer has been fuggin busy!

In the military, you _ always _ have to wear a hat when you go outdoors.

I knew a guy who brought two hats and two sets of keys with him to work. (We worked in a big building.) When he wanted to go goof off for a while, he would leave his extra hat and his extra set of keys on his desk. Then he would take his “real” hat and “real” keys and leave.

Whenever somebody walked by his desk, and they wondered where he was, they’d just say, “Well, he must be somewhere in the building. His hat and his keys are here.”

should’ve read this earlier.

everyone knows i do nothing.

CvM, cruising year-old threads? I was really confused for a bit. I thought Frankie was back and brought stormy with him.

For every minute i pretend to work i have to work extra 2,

This post just costed me 1 minute of extra work

And I thought I mastered the art of LBDN (Look Busy Doing Nothing). Minibar has nailed it.