Actuary Jokes of The Day::B/C they mess up the curve & pensions accounting

AND b/c we still like them even though they are a little odd to say the least:D

  1. Two people are flying in a hot air balloon and realize they are lost. They see a man on the ground, so they navigate the balloon to where they can speak to him. They yell to him, “Can you help us - we’re lost.” The man on the ground replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, about two hundred feet off the ground.” One of the people in the balloon replies to the man on the ground, “You must be an actuary. You gave us information that is accurate, but completely useless.” (Attributed to David Fountain) The actuary on the ground yells to the people in the balloon, “you must be in marketing.” They yell back, “yes, how did you know?” The actuary says," well, you’re in the same situation you were in before you talked to me, but now it’s my fault." (This joke was improved upon by both John Dinius and Stacey Haws)

  2. An actuary is walking down the corridor [not the 10% pension corridor!] when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that. The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only. (Kelly Wagner, a CPA who works with a lot of actuaries]

Always good to have a laugh while counting down. If you add a joke, pls do so in good taste: not gender, hormon high, racially discriminating/offensive or otherwise just bad. Will try to add more now and then for anyone needing some light entertainment.

  1. Question: Why did the underwriter deny coverage to the nudist colony?

Answer: There were no sufficient rates to cover the exposure. (submitted by Ryan Elmore)

For Motivation:

“The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”

  • Michelangelo

Hahahah !!! Where do u get all such jokes from…!! Good mind refresher !! Can’t believe now there are jokes coming up on the cfa topics as well…!!

  1. One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the R&D Department and in rushed a physicist, a chemist, a CFA charterholder [not used as a noun or a title] and an actuary. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion. The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation. The CFA charterholder calculates the value of the company if the whole R&D building burns down and how much operating business expenses would go up to call somebody. While they are doing this, the actuary is setting fires to all the other wastebaskets in the lab. “What are you doing?” they demanded. “Well to solve the problem, obviously you need a large sample size.” (submitted by Mark Simon and modified by me;)


  1. Two actuaries are duck hunting. They see a duck in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the left. The second actuary’s shot is 20 feet wide to the right. The actuaries give each other high fives, because on average they shot it.

And one extra: Why do sharks circle before they attack? …So they can scare the shit out of you before they eat you!

Kind of like why CFAI makes you sit for an hour doing BS before they start the exam…but we are better than that! We hold it in…ok ok and we have NO FEAR ::[][][][]::

heheheh ! yes

heheheh ! yes