Just sent the following to my roommate. At the least, thought Ass_man and a few others of you might want to read. Hello, roommate. How are you? Splendid. If you’ve got a moment, I would like to talk to you about the magic of reproduction. Scientists are unsure exactly how the lust-and-thrust process began, but one thing is for sure: The ol’ pickle-tickle has been around for a long time – dare I say, longer than either of us. People have been enjoying a squeeze and a squirt for at least a hundred years. I’m sure long before we moved into this apartment, people were slapping bellies in here, and long after we move out, people will continue to play ‘hide the hot dog’ between these blessed walls. You are welcome to do the funky chicken any time you like. As far as I’m concerned, you pay half the rent, so you should be entitled to half of the muffin-buttering that goes on in our residence. More than half, even– there is nothing on the lease that dictates the amount of hot beef injections a tenant does must be linked to rent moneys paid. Honestly, the purpose of my e-mail is really not to discuss the frequency of trout-stabbing that goes on in our domicile. It is to kindly request that we set some limits around the acceptable locations and volumes for wick-dipping. I don’t know how loud “too loud” is, but when the books on my bookshelf begin dancing around like a scene from ‘Poltergeist’, and I can hear the sounds of donut-glazing through the wall, my headphones, and the music I’ve put on – at that point, I would hazard a guess that we’ve crossed into the realm of “too loud”. I would encourage you to explore this kind of chimney sweeping on days or times when I am not home. As to acceptable locations for butter-churning- the list here is long. Let’s make things simple and invert the question. What venues are sub-optimal for playing pass-the-gravy? Off the top of my head, I would say my room, the common room, and the kitchen. Please pay special attention to that last one. No matter how deep in the throes of passion you should find yourself, the 15 square feet where we prep food will never be on the approved list of plug-and-play locations. I am not sure what transpired last night in the kitchen – and I don’t want to know – but I know that after spending several hours on allrecipes.com, whatever happened is not described there. Perhaps I should have tried recipezaar. Yours, in puerile euphemisms,
haha…this is funny
That was amazing. +1
Come on now, who doesn’t butter the muffin on the kitchen counter every now and then? A courtesy wipedown of the area is certainly called for, but a complete ban is entirely un-American.
Nice
Gold
Classic. Roommates girl decent looking? It’s very relevant to the rules you set forth. I’m assuming she’s not that great.
If a tasty meal is being heated up in the kitchen, doesn’t good manners dictate that you should offer to share with your roommates?
yes yes thats it give it to her… more harder quicker …aaaah aaaah aaah seriously tho i have been in both positions. my ex roomie sounded like he was slaughtering a pig and they would only do the dew after spending all night watching tv kicking off the festivities at around 4 am …it wasnt fun but its a challenge gauntlet that is put down for one to pick up…
bchadwick Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > If a tasty meal is being heated up in the kitchen, > doesn’t good manners dictate that you should offer > to share with your roommates? Its the only civilized thing to do …go into the kitchen a la cheap 80’s porno set up
brianr Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Classic. > > Roommates girl decent looking? It’s very relevant > to the rules you set forth. I’m assuming she’s not > that great. Your powers of deduction are STRONG TO QUITE-STRONG, Brianr. Well done. If you are a similar Sherlock Holmes with financial statements, you are undoubtedly an above-par analyst.
Nice note… I would append a large caveat should the girl have a pleasant friend for you to play with. I would stress that you would be less concerned with the foregoing matters if suitable arrangements were made to your satisfaction.
ssf - let him have the common room and kitchen. you take the bathroom and balcony.
supersadface Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > brianr Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Classic. > > > > Roommates girl decent looking? It’s very > relevant > > to the rules you set forth. I’m assuming she’s > not > > that great. > > > Your powers of deduction are STRONG TO > QUITE-STRONG, Brianr. Well done. If you are a > similar Sherlock Holmes with financial statements, > you are undoubtedly an above-par analyst. In light of this information, I must advise that your rules are quite lax and the overall tone of your email too jovial. Depending on your relationship with your roommate a bro-tervention might be more called for, as his behavior is clearly indicative of masochistic tendencies.
It’s starting to remind me of some fight club scenes.
This thread is very relevant to my interests!
"All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction. You have a class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives to something. Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don’t need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don’t really need. The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything. We’re the middle children of history… no purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. "
this is freaking hilarious
marcus phoenix Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > "All a gun does is focus an explosion in one > direction. You have a class of young strong men > and women, and they want to give their lives to > something. Advertising has these people chasing > cars and clothes they don’t need. Generations > have been working in jobs they hate, just so they > can buy what they don’t really need. The things > you own end up owning you. It’s only after you > lose everything that you’re free to do anything. > We’re the middle children of history… no > purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great > Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our > great depression is our lives. You’re not your > job. You’re not how much money you have in the > bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not > the contents of your wallet. You’re not your > fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, > all-dancing crap of the world. " i <3 khakis