At a crossroad - opinions wanted!

It’s threads like this that could resurrect AF and continue to drive traffic from non-candidates / charterholders. Kinda like phantasy tour

At the risk of asking an awkward quetion. If you’ve been dating for 3+ yrs and are buying a house, uh why aren’t you married to her?

Will answer and try steer the topic back to my original question if thats ok. I am not religious and don’t believe in the “hollywood” notion of love so see very little upside in getting married right now and very little downside in continuing co-habitation. Maybe I wasn’t clear but if I decide to go travelling I will go with my gf so that isn’t really the issue for me.

Rather, I was interested in the thoughts of those a little older and wiser who have lived through similar scernarios. As an example, when I finished school it was very popular among my friends to head overseas for a year off. I desperately wanted to do so but my parents wouldn’t allow it so instead I went to study finance. I was jealous at the time but several years later, I am thankful I didnt spend a year of my life earning mimimum wage cleaning up toilets and working at a bar. This seems obvious now but did not when I was 18!

Cohabitation is a great way to save money. Getting married can have tax benefits, depending on your spouse’s income. Of course, the tax savings might be offset as your spouse spends your money on furniture, clothes, cats, etc.

Well, it sounds like you are having doubts about whether your GF is going to be there batting for you. But, if you are with her for 3 years and not at least talking about marriage, it may well be that she is asking the same questions about you. She may not tie you down and say “marry me, or I’m outa here,” but that feeling may be showing up in her behavior in other ways and fueling your own concerns.

Why not ask her how she would feel about your applying to business school and - assuming you get in - spending 3-5 months on a fun world tour together. Plot out where she would like to go; where you would like to go if you weren’t too worried about how to finance it. That conversation could tell you a lot without necessarily getting into really uncomfortable questions for you like “are we getting married.”

It’s possible she doesn’t want to get married either, in which case the question becomes “how long will you continue to find each other interesting.”

In addition, your significant other can fetch unemployment benefits if not married.

OK, I seriously might stop studying for lvl 3 now to read this book. Especially since I have a lot of the same issues as the OP.

living together = saving $. Chopping rent or mortgage in half, and your living costs is probably the largest expense you got.

Hate to be sexist, but as a guy, our minds by default don’t trend towards marriage, since men are still desirable into their 40’s. also because some guys make it a goal in life apparently to just bed many women (you can see that here on AF, many guys are very willing to cheat, pump and dump, etc)

Women, on the other hand, are not “as desirable” into their 30’s and alarm bells start to ring into the late 20’s. So, she’s probably thinking much more serious thoughts than you are. Ask yourself if things continue to travel down this road, and no big fights break out, are you willing to put in more and more time and maybe eventually settle down. Because that’s where it’s heading.

This thread makes me want to weep.

What you’re engaging in right now is a psychological bias known as ‘splitting’ or basically all or nothing thinking. having a home does not preclude the possibility of pursuing those other opportunities if you want to.

If worse comes to worse you can always sell the home, leave the girl, move to thailand etc and do something else. Just because you make a commitment to purchase a home now does not mean you are locked into a course of action forever. Also consider this, in a few years you may have some additional equity in the home you can unlock if you decide to sell it and do something different, its simply an investment not a life change unless you want it to be.

A few more hours to decide, at the moment leaning towards going through with it. As many have said, it is always reversible, albeit at a cost and I guess sometimes you just need to take a risk in life.

Do it. Don’t look back.

  1. Late 20s
  2. job/income
  3. Woman/love/possibility of a family.
  4. Moving on with life/making mature decisions

Lord…the only thing i am ticking here is box number 1… crying…come here oh bearable lightness of alcohol, another drowning session is in order

Thanks for the advice peeps, I meant to give an update earlier, have gone through with it, no regrets :wink: