Being Smarter Than Your Significant Other

My current girlfriend has been looking for a job for quite some time now and was recently asked by a prospective employer for a writing sample. Being the generous (i.e. getting sick of paying for everything) guy that I am, I volunteered to proofread whatever she wanted to send me. After reviewing a few pieces that she wrote in college (top 50 liberal arts school), they’re all not very poorly written and my “proofreading” has quickly turned into a full fledged “re-write.” She seems like a pretty smart, well-rounded gal, and insists that she’s merely a poor writer. I’m forgiving, but skeptical. Unfortunately, this is the second girlfriend that I’m now doing this for. My ex-girlfriend was applying for teaching jobs and after reviewing her documents, I insisted that I re-write her resume and cover letter, because they were both terrible. Though an absolute looker, this poor gal can barely construct a complete sentence on a sheet of paper. She is now an eighth grade language arts teacher and while she’s now the subject of a middle school boys fantasy, I’m sure his parents aren’t too thrilled to have an e-mail from his teacher with “your” instead of “you’re” and “witch” instead of “which.” Her inability to put words together was partly the reason that we broke up, I simply couldn’t handle it. Anyone else have any similar funny/serious stories about their current and/or former significant others? Finally, any recommendations to get me through my predicament?

I dated a girl who was a social work major in college. She missed the deadline for grad school and began seeking social work jobs. Since she did not get a job offer in a week, she quit looking and became a receptionist at a logistics company. Then she got a DWI and is basically barred from being a social worker. I dropped her after that. Go and do likewise.

One of my favorite comedians (lowbrow but fun) and one if his best sketches: do a google search on “Youtube Ron White You can’t fix stupid” (rewrite: actually look for “ron white stupid is forever” - gets to the punchline faster) It’s true though that a lot of people can’t write. To my great surprise, people seem to be more interested in my writing skills than my analytic and research skills (though they want those too, it’s just that the writing seems to be the biggest value add). It’s just something that people don’t seem to know how to do these days. So if your GF is able to be logical and coherent when she speaks, then it may just be that she don’t no hau 2 rite. If she (or anyone else) isn’t fully functioning upstairs, it will usually show up in the way they talk (and the distribution of what they choose to talk about).

Well, maybe she’s just a rare example of a girl that’s pretty smart but can’t write to save her life… I can’t say that I’ve been with any girls that were really dumb, but I wonder if sometimes that’s easier. I mean, I’d eventually like to settle down with a girl that I could see eye-to-eye with all the time, but smart girls aren’t all that they’re made out to be. I don’t want to over-generalize, but I feel like smart girls tend to have more insecurities just because they have the mental capacity to think about all of that stuff. That usually means I have to dedicate more time to coddling them as opposed to enjoying the more exciting and intimate aspects of a relationship. I actually think intelligent girls are overrated, and what should really matter more is just a girl that’s confident in herself and knows how to take care of a man. What do you guys think? As well, I understand gongshowcheddar’s frustration about too much mentoring in a relationship. I feel like most of the girls I’ve been in a relationship with are less experienced at least from a professional perspective – mostly because they’re 1-3 years younger – but I really feel like I’m done dating younger girls for now. I think I have a natural inclination to want to take care of them and pamper them all the time, but I feel like it creates a lot of pressure on me too. It’s not so much in terms of having to provide for them because the girls I date can take care of themselves; rather, it’s just because there’s that gap in terms of life experience that I feel like I’m spending more time helping them 'catch up" as opposed to being with someone who’s in the same point of their lives as I am, and are more curious about exploring the world and expanding their minds rather than trying to be the best analyst in their cube, or whatever…does that make sense?

I’m glad I don’t need to worry about that. My wife is smarter than I am.

Intelligence is really important. It is truly awful when you are with someone you are otherwise attracted to, but realize that you can’t have a conversation with them of any depth because they don’t understand what you say or make really bad logical errors or assumptions. I don’t mean that they have to be up to snuff on every topic, or the topics that you specialize in, but if you don’t find them basically intelligent, then it’s really easy to start to disrespect them, and that’s the slippery slope into all sorts of unpleasantness in a relationship. So if you are intelligent, then I would think they need to be intelligent too, or you are going to get very bored very quickly. After all, not *all* time is spent between the sheets or preparing meals (no assumptions here about which gender is preparing meals, though presumably both are taking time between the sheets). I think what numi is getting at is the “overly competitive” aspect of a relationship. Competitiveness is good in the businessplace but it can be a killer in the home, unless it’s specifically a kind of “playful competitiveness.” So I think a lot of intelligent college educated women in the US have been socialized to be hyper-competitive all the time, and somehow feel that “nurturing is for sissies.” Yet nurturing is exactly what one should be within a relationship, and yet a lot of women seem to be ambivalent about that, as if “nurturing=submissive,” and “submissive=unfeminist,” and “unfeminist=unintelligent.” Just a sense that I’ve had, but I wouldn’t cast aspersion on intelligence, just the hyper-competitiveness (and insecurity) that seems to get mixed in with it.

Be careful of criticizing a person’s writing ability when your complaint includes the phrase “they’re all not very poorly written.” Stupid people frustrate me to no end. I am not asking for genius, but please have support for your argument, be relatively well read, and don’t rely on John Stewart and Jay Leno for your current events. If stupid people frustrate you, you are better off avoiding them.

Tell me what is worse, a gal who can’t write or a gal who don’t know the value of money? I read a lot of FatWallet and every so often a guy comes there posting a question about his girlfriend’s $120k debt on $35k salary. Not to mention she’s probably got bad credit, poor repayment ideas, and … well, no real way to dig herself out of debt. I’m with numi on the thought that “what should really matter more is just a girl that’s confident in herself and knows how to take care of a man”. I remember when I was dating my now wife – she had a LOT of experience in management but hated her job with a passion. I was talking to her briefly that maybe she should think about GMAT as a “management” school like Kellogg would be all over her experience. (She’s got a great GPA, could get excellent recommendations, etc…) Her response? I don’t want to go to school, drop $70k on tuition, and then become a full time mother. I was in love right there. She realized that the present value of MBA had a negative IRR for her.

goes to eleven Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Be careful of criticizing a person’s writing > ability when your complaint includes the phrase > “they’re all not very poorly written.” haha…+1. :slight_smile: thanks!

> Finally, any recommendations to get me through my predicament? On the lists of questions that clergymen or other counselors ask couples before they commit to marriage, “Are your IQs within 20 points of each other?” doesn’t frequently appear. And if you speak to divorce counselors, I doubt that “stupid SO” is on the top 10 list of triggering factors. Do you find yourself interested in helping her improve her writing skills? If not, then it’s not intellectual horsepower that’s handicapping this relationship’s chances, but something else.

I dated the dreamy quarterback in high school for a few months, and then I realized that he was an idiot. He suddenly became a lot less attractive…so I broke up with him and dated his super-smart-but-not-as-cute best friend for 2 years. There are a lot of things I could put up with in terms of lack of intelligence or things a significant other is good at or sucks at, but poor writing/spelling is not one of them. I think my husband and I are fairly evenly matched, which gives me comfort since we’ll likely have children someday, and I am not the least bit concerned that they will be unintelligent. :slight_smile: numi, I worry about your choice in girls if you prefer the ones that don’t “have the capacity” to think about stuff! And I disagree that intelligent chicks are more insecure. I would argue that in my group of girlfriends, the most confident are also the most intelligent. gongshowgocheddar, if this is the only thing that bothers you about her, then keep her around. If it’s one thing on a long list, get rid of her.

My girlfriend is brilliant but is also very insecure. Of course, I’m not saying that this applies to everyone.

This is the problem with my life. I won’t be happy until I’m dating a model with a master’s in foreign policy.

I don’t really worry about my choice in girls – all I’m saying is that in my experience, younger women that are intelligent, while having many positive attributes, also tend to be more concerned with their own self-advancement and overcoming their own insecurities than figuring out what’s best for the relationship. In general, bchadwick summed up what I was getting at very accurately…but, who knows, maybe they’re just at a point in their lives where they naively think that guys put more of a value on a girl’s career advancement than on their ability to nurture a relationship. Also, girls that are more confident *may* be more intelligent, but intelligence doesn’t necessarily imply causality towards being a good girlfriend. There’s a difference between professional intelligence vs. social intelligence. But yeah, at the end of the day, I would rather be with a girl that’s incredibly intelligent with terrific confidence and romantic tendencies…minus the hyper-competitiveness and insecurities, which are major turn-offs. And if I had to choose between someone that was really intelligent but self-absorbed and insecure, vs. someone of average academic/professional intelligence but knew how to take care of me and my family…I’d almost certainly choose the latter.

maratikus Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I’m glad I don’t need to worry about that. My > wife is smarter than I am. Same

i shouldn’t admit this, but i went to a married female co-worker’s home once for thanksgiving with my now wife and co-workers family. i kid you not – she could not boil a pot of water without messing it up.

Maybe I’m lucky. My wife complements me, but in some subjects (ie finance, markets, etc.) there is absolutely no skill overlap. I can outwrite her and as well outquant her… But does it matter? She is bilingual and I’m not. When I talk shop, she tunes it out. A going joke between us is when I start talking market jargon, she starts quacking like a duck, since thats what it all sounds like to her. Quite funny actually. She is brilliant in some respects, not in others. Same goes with me. A relationship isn’t a skills competition. What’s more important is you guys can work together. Luckily, my wife is not a spender and is naturally frugal … so her lack of interest in finance is a non-issue for me.

You should date your shadow/complement, as per Jung…not your mirror or opposite.

I’m with sc23 … competition in a relationship is NOT healthy. It won’t get you anywhere

goes to eleven Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I am not > asking for genius, but please have support for > your argument, be relatively well read, and don’t > rely on John Stewart and Jay Leno for your current > events. HAHA! I have a friend who watches Stewart daily and sometimes tries to speak intelligently about current events using information he gets from that show! It’s hilarious.