Do tread lightly, Kanuck. She may just want a FTF. But chances are, her biological clock is ticking and she wants someone to plant their seed. She may feel that time is running out at 32 years old.
Maybe they’re getting out of it what they want? The material investment of the cheating husband while getting on the side the emotional investment of a broke bf.
Not claiming it is, just explaining why it’s done.
Women would rather cheat with a high status male than marry a low status male. I’ve noticed that is more prevalent in women over 30. As if they lost their innocence.
The majority of women need to admire the men they let into their bodies (and emotions). Men don’t need this so much for the women they get off with: often a man doesn’t even need to find her particularly good looking (though he will prefer it). For a longer-term relationship, a man does tend to require a woman to be at least somewhat good-looking, because his friends will be evaluating him based on her (as women often evaluate each other partly on the men that they can attract and keep).
High-status men don’t take require much justification to admire, and women don’t have to spend time justifying their choice to their friends (who will otherwise be telling her “Girl, you can do better than that, why you wit him?”). A woman may have the internal strength to withstand the constant onslaught of “why are you with that loser” if she’s not with a high-status male, but it is certainly nice not to have to deal with it as much.
That doesn’t mean that high-status is all that matters. She will generally want to feel cared for and have a good conversation partner, and a guy does need to keep her physically satisfied too. But being high-status can get a guy fast-tracked to her heart as long as he doesn’t mess up the other stuff.
But remember we are also increasingly in a world where more women are making more money, and often with careers that are more secure than men’s. They may decide that they just want a guy that adores them and makes them feel loved, and that they are fine doing their thing and paying the bills. I’ve been with women who make substantially more money than me, and what I’ve found is that they don’t mind me not being the primary financial contributor, but they do want me to *look* like I’m the guy pulling out the credit card and paying for dinner, even if it’s actually her card that I’ve pulled out of my pocket…
My point is not that high-status men are the best mate prospects (maybe they are, and maybe they aren’t, that’s a different discussion).
I think you are right that being high status and therefore relatively in demand will mean that there is less incentive to do all the “other stuff” unless he becomes emotionally smitten with the woman he’s with. Even if he is emotionally smitten, he may not be very experienced at producing that stuff, and therefore not be very good at it. So a high-status man may not be as good a deal as it seems at first (much like the super hot woman isn’t necessarily the best mate prospect for the straight guy), but that doesn’t mean - other things equal - he’s not more attractive than the competition in the beginning.
My point is that most high-status men simply have an easier route to women’s hearts in the beginning, unless she has been repeatedly traumatized by high-status men and therefore wary. If a high-status man is just prowling for a short-term thing, this works tremendously to his favor, because he will likely be on to the next woman by the time she has made an assessment of the other stuff.
And my other point was that most women do need to admire the man they are with. For a high status man, a major reason to admire him is obvious from the start, whereas the non-status guy may take more work to discover and learn to admire. For the non-high-status guy, the strategy is to be entertaining to keep her attention and hope she finds stuff to admire while you are doing it. And it can work well, particularly if the guy is highly entertaining (good looking, funny, energetic, etc.)
It’s also true that a woman’s admiration for her guy can change as she gets to know him. She may discover that the high-status guy is a fraud or a cheat, or she may decide that the low-status guy’s other endearing qualities are lovely, but not enough. Or people get bored of each other after the initial rush of fantasies wears off to the banality of daily existence. Who knows. But there’s no doubt that - early in the game - status confers a major advantage, even if it’s not the only thing that’s important.
More and more women decide not to have babies early in their lives, and when you think about it, 32 years old is hardly old at this day and age, woemn have babies well into their 40s.
I agree that women do generally choose men they admire.
I disagree that women generally choose men they can brag to their friends because a lot of women ditch their friends completely once they are in relationships.
