Hard to say. In my judgement, there are a few possiblities:
He is gay, but he’s not comfortable being out about it.
He’s not that interested, and you’ve been friendzoned. (The good news is that guys friendzoning a woman is generally not an unalterable condition, unless you’re just not his type at all for some reason).
He is interested, but something about you makes him nervous (maybe you’re a work colleague and he’s not sure it’s a good idea to get involved with someone at work, or you and he have friends in common and he’s thinking that getting involved with you for a fling would make things awkward with the friends, or maybe a friend of his is pursuing you and he’s decided to steer clear of you until that works out or doesn’t)
He’s had women take advantage of him and he want’s to get to know you better (most men don’t do this, but a few do)
He’s just not very confident.
He’s actually working on someone else right now and wanting to see if that works.
In any case, it sounds like you’re either going to have to a) throw yourself at him, b) give up on him, or c) be content to leave him on the back burner and hope something happens after a while, or d) call his mom and say that asian chicks make great daughters-in-law…
She did ask him if he was gay. If the girl I was trying to get with asked me that, I would assume that I had been friendzoned…or worse.
If a girl asked me that, I would assume that there’s a zero chance of us dating. But since you keep going out with him, he’s probably totally confused.
I wonder how this all transpired. “Hey are you gay? If not, can we hang out again later?”
He could be asexual (http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html). If this is the case, then trying to apply the normal guy framework won’t work. I guess from your POV, you hope he is a romantic asexual
I could set up a Dating Committee with my two girlfriends over brunch and pitchers of mimosa, analyze every bit of conversation we’ve had as well as way he dresses, walks, his friends, etc. to determine if he’s gay.
Or I could just ask.
Of course I did set up a dating committee anyway. You guys will shit yourself laughing if I told you how I asked him though… let’s say it wasn’t the right time. hahaha. Actually now that I think about it I’m surprised he still talks to me. Oops.
Actually this is very insightful. My girlfriend said pretty much same thing. He also comes from an illustrious background whereas I’m barely above working class… I wonder if that’s part of it too. He also went to a much better school and makes more money but he’s also older so last part doesn’t matter much.
I would never call his mother, you clearly have not heard of the bride-MIL battles of Japan. Not unique to Japan of course, but it’s a theme, esp because many people have multi-generation households. I grew up in one too but with maternal grandparents so it was ok.
Can we cut down to the facts (and i appologize if its already been said but i cannot read through all the other posts).
is he single?
he said he was not looking for just a hookup, did you ask him what he was looking?
I took it very slow with this girl i worked with in which i dated for a while - so slow i gave her the impression i was not interested when, at the time, all i could think about was what i would do to her. I wasn’t exactly single, but really held me back was how much i liked her. All i can say is if he’s hanging out with you, he probably really likes you.
Ok sorry. But seriously if you want good entertainment read stories of Japanese Bride-MIL battles.
Yes, he is single. I went out on my nth 21 run and apparently had a good phone conversation with him. Haha. We’ll see. Too bad I only half remember it.
Mimosas out of pitchers? You philistine. I haven’t really read any of this thread, but if it has to do with you not being able to lock down a guy, it’s probably because you drink mimosas out of a pitcher.
You nut I drink it from a glass which is poured from pitcher. It’s not some snooty brunch it’s greasy dirty brunch where you can get mimosa in pitchers.
I don’t need a straw for my wine I drink from bottle a la Bridget Jones.