Based on this thread, to the OP: You sure you want to understand men?
Pro tip: with the lights off, they all look the same.
They don’t look the same with the lights off. Fewer but higher quality would be a better scenario. Most men will never get ten 9s in their lifetime. The incremental difference between ten 9s and twenty 9s is academic. You will live the rest of your life knowing that you had to bed 30 hogs to get there. Probably 30 is too low anyway. Not worth it. Not having sex is better than banging a fug-o. Anyway to each their own.
unless they are flat or super fat, then you’ll be able to feel it
In retrospect after a lifetime of swordsmanship, this is true. However, in the heat of action, that difference is very real.
+1
Well, that wasn’t my question but that was definitely my point…
Leave it to AF to turn a thread about helping a woman ask out a guy to optimizing the number and quality of women to sleep with.
The physical sensations from woman to woman, body to body, are all pretty similar, and to the extent that large women feel different, some of those differences can actually be nice. What makes the experience with one woman substantially better with one than the other really does seem to end up being her personality: the enthusiam she brings to the sport, her openness, her individual kinks, her desire to please and be pleased, her general pleasantness to be around when we’re not under the covers, and whether we can talk about stuff that doesn’t bore the crap out of me. Seduction is part theatre and show, which is why some women who aren’t classically pretty can still be smoldering. They understand the theatre of it all, and how to tap in to your subconscious.
I do have a basic level of attractiveness below which I don’t go, but once she makes the attractiveness cut, for me it’s much more about her vibe and personality than about how big her T or A is. Perhaps it’s living in NYC, and having lived in Rio, where there is no shortage of beautiful women, that I can afford to look at things like personality, because there’s always another beautiful woman somewhere else. I remember growing up in the Bay Area, where I really was never strongly attracted to anyone.
In that environment (the Bay Area), because I never felt all that attracted to anyone, I would look at women and think “ok, she’s got these features that everyone says is good, and I don’t want to be all by myself, so I guess I’ll chase her.” But I really wasn’t all that motivated. And because I wasn’t motivated, I also wasn’t very good. But one of the consequences is that I was choosing women to impress other men, and not to satisfy my own desires. And that’s when you start looking around at people and saying “I like that one more because she’s a DD and this one who seems to like me is only a C cup,” completely separated from whether it makes any difference when the lights are off or whether the person is able to flash you a sexy smile that suggests something interesting later.
I think some people look at their girlfriend as a way to compete with other men, rather than a person they actually want to spend time with. They want a girlfriend that’s hotter than Joe’s, rather than someone that makes them feel good about themselves. Or maybe they can’t feel good about themselves unless they have more than Joe. Or maybe they just want to be able say “I banged this 9+” on AF. It’s not that I haven’t occasionally gotten satisfaction from that too, but when you view a woman you’re with as primarily as a kind of currency in the competition game, it really is a pretty empty existence and gets boring fairly fast, I think.
Today, if I try to seduce someone, it’s not (or rarely) simply because I feel the need for sex. Quite frankly, I know how to please myself better than most women do. There’s got to be something more than looks going for her. Good companionship and entertainment - even if short term - is really worth pursuing. And a person’s “intimate personality” is a fascinating part of them. More than the desire to see naked bodies, uncovering an interesting woman’s intimate personality is - to me - the sacrifice which is most challenging to make when staying faithful to a current partner.
No matter how hot your girlfriend is, you’ll always be tempted by someone else around the bend, so telling yourself that if your girlfriend is hot enough, you won’t ever be tempted to cheat on her, well, that’s not true. (note that the temptation to cheat is not the same as actually cheating, YMMV)
I do think that every man needs to have - somewhere in his past - an experience with a physically hyperattractive woman (or just someone he feels is hyperattractive), just so that he knows he can get there (even if only occasionally). Once a man has gotten there, it’s easier for him to be with more attractive-but-normal women and be more confident that he’s choosing to be with these people, rather than being with someone simply because he doesn’t think he can attract anyone he finds more attractive.
This. When you weigh the cost / benefit, I’m not even sure 9s are worth the trouble. Actually, I’m pretty sure they are not. A really good 7-8 > a pain in the ass 9 IMO.
Also, Bay Area women are terrible. That needed to be said.
PUA’s: Say hello to your role models…
I couldn’t decide which I liked better:
I wrote a long post criticizing how many men choose partners in order to try to impress other men rather than find someone they genuinely enjoy being with.
Women often do the same thing, and I think that’s what the PUA cookbook plays on. Many women just want to show their girlfriends that they got some interesting or fashionable guy. Or they want a guy to go with their imagined look for some social situation. The PUA tries to fill this role in her mind, and the price for doing so is sex.
So it’s not uniquely a male weakness, it just has a different flavor (lterally) for women.
No, you’re thinking of nuppal.
Well this thread just proves that there are normal well adjusted men and there are men who think of women as targets or assets and all that nonsense. Being aware of that can help recognize those kinds of men in real life. Or at least to be on a lookout for them. And that’s helpfull already.
This is in response to bchad post.
^ I dont think I agree with you. May be it is somewhat true when you are looking just for a fling. But when a person looks for a long term partner, they look at the top5 traits in the future spouse trait checklist and see who meets the most.
An easy way to steer clear of the men you put in the second group:
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Don’t date guys you meet at bars
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Don’t date guys you sleep with on the first date
That’s not to say you shouldn’t do either of those things. In general, those guys just aren’t the ones you want to build a foundation upon.
Yeah, that’s a given. Also easily avoidable since I am not big on going to bars.
That’s true, but I’d maintain that the vast majority of men are not on a hunt for a long term partner. That doesn’t mean they won’t settle down if they think they’ve found someone suitable, but in the early phases of a relationship, there aren’t that many men who will say “I’m sorry, even though I think you’re fantastically attractive and you’re giving me signs of interest, I’m not going to sleep with you tonight because I’m on the hunt for a life partner and you have only 2 of my top5 requirements.”
The only men who are like that are the ones who feel that it’s getting too late to have children so they’d better settle down ASAP. Men don’t have a biological clock the way women do, or at least it doesn’t stop as suddenly, but there are still issues. If you have children when you are older, you may not have the energy to keep up with them as they grow, and it also may get harder to attract a woman who is young enough to be fertile.
I think most men “fall into relationships.” That is: they are interested in sex and fun, and perhaps companionship, and then they realize that the person that they’re with is actually good partner (if they value partnering skills, or perhaps they’ve just gotten lucky on that score without trying), and so it turns into a long term thing. And people who do get to the long term stage will presumably discover that a lot of those top5 traits are satisifed.
Women are the ones who are more likely to say “I don’t want to get involved because you don’t have enough of my top5 traits.” I think you are projecting that attitude onto men, who - while they may have top5 traits - generally use them to figure out whether to stay or go, and not whether to start something in the first place.
Not sure if I agree with this. Didn’t you say you met your wife while you were both in a drunken stupor and slept with her the first night? I did the same thing. (With my wife, not with yours.)