Why are people jumping down homeboys throat because he cheated. Humans like to bone, that’s why there are 6 billion + of us. Do you REALLY think whatever force created us intended for us to be with ONE woman? Sure, it may not be socially acceptable, however, we are hardwired to poke all we can. That’s not to say I fully condone cheating, I dont think one should seek it out. However, I think that certain scenarios present themselves that make it almost worthwhile. I will write my story later.
I wasn’t jumping down his throat for cheating, I was pointing out that his actions complete contradict what he’s saying about his relationship.
SlaveII Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It’s just so hard to not contact this girl again > as I forget what I have been missing. But on the > other hand I really care for my girlfriend and can > see myself being with her for the long haul. > > Anyone else been in this situation? Yes, sort of, but it ended differently. I’ll try to keep this relatively short, but some details will help in making my point clear. About five years ago I met an incredible girl on a study abroad trip. We went to the same school, but it’s a big school and we were in different majors. She was an all around awesome girl: Started college early through a gifted program and is generally very intelligent (speaks five languages), a talented dancer with a great body, a genuinely nice person, and good looking – she participated in beauty pageants in high school and college. Basically, a knock out, and as a bonus, I found out after we started dating that her family has a lot of money. I thought for sure she was a keeper. It was hot and heavy at first, but gradually wore down as I was studying for the CFA and we were both working hard to get our careers on track. After about two years, the sex wasn’t as good, but I was still convinced I was going to marry her because she has so many great qualities. Long story short though, the quality of the relationship never recovered for a variety of reasons and we broke up when I took my current job and moved to a new city. It was a very tough decision at the time, but I am convinced that one or both of us eventually would have cheated, and that things would have ended in a messy divorce had we gotten married. In the end, it was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me, even though I thought she was the one (and still think she is great). Personally, it’s hard for me to imagine cheating, and I had a hard time pushing the eject button with this girl because she was so all around fantastic, but I am glad I didn’t end up going down with the ship and being miserable in a poor quality relationship. I agree with Asset – human beings are meant to pump. The sociological idea that we’re supposed to settle down with one person forever doesn’t mesh with the underlying biology. It’s brutal to say, but that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling of love is nothing more than a biochemical reaction that lasts for approximately 2-4 years (based on research, which you can Google) and is designed to last just long enough for you to knock some girl up and keep the kids alive to age where they are relatively mobile and resilient. After that, biology doesn’t give a damn whether you still love the girl. So as much as you like this girl on paper (and perhaps genuinely like her as a person, as I did with my ex-gf), it sounds like it’s broken (if it were really that good, you wouldn’t have cheated on her). The biochemical reaction does not come back – when it’s over, it’s over. That’s not to say that you can’t still love her, but it won’t be the same as “being in love” with her, and it begs the question: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a mediocre relationship where the sex is bad, knowing that there is very little chance it will get better, and may, in fact get worse than it is now? My advice, as painful as this may be, is to dump her and go with the therapist or some other girl, and enjoy your life. Not only would that be a more fair course of action to yourself, but to your gf as well in the long run. Alternatively, if you really like your gf and think there could be a future, you could try some interventionary game tactics to try to spice up your relationship, such as hitting on other girls in front of her, being evasive, not returning her calls on time (use sporadically), not hanging out on Friday or Saturday nights (make her think you are out looking for new girls), etc., etc. She will get the message and may decide to try harder in the sack (girls love some competition, despite what they say), which could save your relationship, or she may decide to end it, in which case it’s probably better in the long run. My guess is you’ve been too nice to her, and her attraction for you has faded as a result (in addition to the general degradation in the biochemical reaction, which is inevitable). So if you don’t want to break up with her, at least try being less nice and less available, which could respark things for you two. Not saying you have to be an a-hole, but don’t make it easy for her to stay in the rut you two are in now. Sometimes tough love is the best love, and we all need a kick in the butt once in a while. Sidenote: I’m declaring victory re: my posts in the online dating thread. Did anyone else notice how this guy 1) more or less ignored this 5’3" looker to start with (contrary to what every other guy would have done), and 2) spent zero money on her, but still got the bang in short order? Maybe he looks like a super model, I don’t know, but probably not – it just sounds like he’s smart enough not to give his nuts up at the first opportunity when he meets a good looking woman. No paying, no compliments, no showering her with attention, etc. This guy has game.
So, during Xmas break I met this very hot girl while working at Guess. She was 19, I was 20 and and we immediately hit it off. During that time period I was about 2 years into my relationship with Jenny. We still were very hot and heavy for each other and the sex was about 3 months past its zenith. Still, it was amazing sex (for her). Still, I was on a month long break from jenny (she lived in So. Fla, me in ATL). So I was intrigued with Guess Girl and bored with the girls that normally ran in the circles I moved in. So, naturally, I invited her out one night. It was fun, nothing crazy, but at the end of the night we shared a kiss. I immediately knew I would end up cheating on Jenny. So, the next weekend rolls around and I invite guess girl over for drinks and a movie, well, we got a few drinks down. We ended up “you knowing” a few times that night. It was amazing and she was GORGEOUS naked. We ended up meeting up a few more times and I even made a trip up to ATL, not solely for her but she did play a factor in us meeting up. However, I didn’t go to bed with her when I went up. In the end, now that Jenny and I are over with it doesn’t really bother me. While Jenny and I were dating I was definitely feeling a little guilty at times. When the relationship was going really well I would think about how dumb it was that I did that. I think she knew the entire time, she always knew more than she let on. I feel terribly that I did that to her, I honestly do/did love Jenny. What you really have to look at is whether or not you truly believe you will marry her and die by her side, if not it’s all fun and games. http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v290/237/38/541992327/n541992327_484778_6304.jpg On the left… http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v344/237/38/541992327/n541992327_827238_854.jpg
bromion Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- She > was an all around awesome girl: Started college > early through a gifted program and is generally > very intelligent (speaks five languages), a > talented dancer with a great body, a genuinely > nice person, and good looking – she participated > in beauty pageants in high school and college. > Basically, a knock out, and as a bonus, I found > out after we started dating that her family has a > lot of money. I’ve noticed that these AAA “Super-Women” are always from really wealthy families. How does that work out? Genes? Tutoring/resources? Peer pressure? Absorbing advice and habits from Type A parents?
Gotta diversify. All I can say.
Rules for young men before marriage: 1. You can’t sleep with every girl, but you should at least try. 2. Diversify your portfolio.
nocareer Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I’ve noticed that these AAA “Super-Women” are > always from really wealthy families. How does > that work out? Genes? Tutoring/resources? Peer > pressure? Absorbing advice and habits from Type A > parents? Ditto, I know a few girls that are not too smart, not too good looking from insanely wealthy parents. I know one girl who is a knock out, incredibly smart (4.0 at UM Pre-Med), and her parents are filthy rich (dad is retired at 45, with two kids in college). I have been trying so hard to lure her in but she is so jaded by everything since she literally has anything she wants. Well, she doesn’t know she wants me yet…
I love this forum.
Muddahudda Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Rules for life: > > 1. You can’t sleep with every girl, but you should > at least try. > 2. Diversify your portfolio. FTFY
I think some of the people in this thread have pretty idealistic views of love. Maybe some married people can chime in, but I’m not expecting to be in a ‘lust’ type love with the person I marry for the entire term that we are married. I’m not sure that is a realistic expectation. I’m going to take this a different way than other people have in explaining what’s going on; although it’s hard to explain succiently. Also, people tend to get pretty skeptical when you start using words like “reptilian”, but try to hear me out. I tend to go with Carl Sagan’s view as the brain as a triumvirate brain, however, I’m sure you could go through similar reasoning with Freud’s view of the brain. For Sagan, the brain is broken up into the neo-cortex (the newest part of the brain responsible for complex thinking), cortex (the part of the brain that developed when we evolved into mammals, responsible for emotions), and the reptilian brain (the core brain that the other brains evolved on-top of, responsible for instincts and fight-or-flight responses). Without writing an essay on this - the three parts of our brain battle daily for control of our actions. Through evolution the cortex tends to get a lot of control in women (but it will vary from one woman to the next), they are very emotional creatures compared to men and look for emotional responses from others such as sympathy and empathy that men typically don’t look for. In men, through evolution, the reptilian brain and the neo-cortex get a lot more control. That’s why when women present us with problems, our natural reaction is to provide solutions, rather than sympathy or empathy which the woman is often looking for. You can see in the OP’s example (and many other exams in this thread) the fight between the neo-cortex and the reptilian brain. In many instances guys know the girl they are currently with makes the most logical sense for a long-term relationship. The pair may be very well suited to each other, get along well, have similar interestes, etc. But once the reptilian brain loses it’s lust, a bit of the spark is gone and a new lust is created for other random women. We start to notice hot girls a lot more, and we start to get instinctual urges to spread our seed a lot more. It’s extremely tough to fight. As men, I think the best we can do is understand where our urges come from and why we have them, and decide what our best course of action is based on that understanding. Following your reptilian brain probably won’t lead you to long-term happiness, and I’m skeptical that one can truly find someone the reptilian brain will committ to for life (I don’t care how much you love your 40-year-old wife, 20-somethings will always be smoking hot and your instincts will want them). However, there is something to be said for living in the moment and experiencing life as well. I think most men realize through the experiences of multiple sexual conquests of different types that ultimately the road of being a ‘player’ tends to be a pretty empty existence. Through this understanding men are able to rationalize away their reptilian urges and allow the neo-cortex to control their sexual actions. It tends to lead to less fulfilling sex, but ultimately a more fulfilling life overall.
I hate the word ‘player.’ Other wise great post.
ASSet_MANagement Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Ditto, I know a few girls that are not too smart, > not too good looking from insanely wealthy > parents. > > I know one girl who is a knock out, incredibly > smart (4.0 at UM Pre-Med), and her parents are > filthy rich (dad is retired at 45, with two kids > in college). Yeah, it varies. Still, though, all the real “superwomen” I’ve met have been from some high class family of some sort. I think there are many types of intelligence. We all give some, lose some. The valedictorian and a couple of top students at my college seemed pretty unintelligent outside of their specialties.
ASSet_MANagement Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I hate the word ‘player.’ > > Other wise great post. I agree, it referenes a greedy / selfish / dishonest behaviour between the two parties “you knowing” that is typically not present. The world “lover” is probably a better descriptor, but wouldn’t have been taken in the right context.
Mr. Pink Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ASSet_MANagement Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I hate the word ‘player.’ > > > > Other wise great post. > > > I agree, it referenes a greedy / selfish / > dishonest behaviour between the two parties “you > knowing” that is typically not present. The world > “lover” is probably a better descriptor, but > wouldn’t have been taken in the right context. I just like variety in women. It’s not like I am going for pure numbers here. There is a quality about each one that intrigues me, I guess I am just a curious guy.
Even if you are with the smartest, hottest, and most sexually driven woman in the world, there will always be something that looks better outside of your relationship. My friend said it really well one day “Bropiece, even if you eat filet mignon everyday, you will eventually get tired of it”.
exactly AM. I hear ya. I fall in love at least 20 times a day.
So… how many of the posters on this thread are actually married? 0? kthnksinfobye
Did anybody watch Larry King (a women substituted for LK last night) on CNN last night talking about infidelity. It was pretty funny. One women was making the case that marriage is about negotiation and you should negotitate sleeping with other people in a marriage to keep it healthy. Crazy stuff.
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > So… how many of the posters on this thread are > actually married? 0? > kthnksinfobye I am.