I forgot to bring my phone with me when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.
Trying to text at the next red light, but kept catching all the greens.
My laptop is low on battery, but the charger is all the way over there.
#ShareYours
^ Take some Oxypowder before the next one.
#OnceYouPopTheFunDon’tStop
Did you have a shampoo bottle that you could read the back of next to you?
LOL… you guys are some of the stupidest people I have ever met.
I 
you!
I want to order food on seamless, but need to update my credit card info.
Unfortunately I’ve already skimmed the writing on all toiletries within reach.
#MoreThanOnce
Risking running out of gas because you keep passing by stations that are on the other side of road and you are too lazy to make a left turn.
Hashtag, you are especially stupid lately. Bravo.
#BeautifulMind
Living on the edge! (Reminds me how sometimes I need to move my second car to get my third one out of the garage.)
#FML
#nice
My cell phone doesn’t have a hug emoji! 
LOL
I’ve played that hand a couple times
My wireless mouse ran out of batteries, but I didnt want to go outside and get them. So i ordered it on amazon prime and am waiting for the next 2 days. i had to use my back up wired mouse. my desk felt more crowded.
at a medium pace i hope.
LOL
My car’s suspension is so stiff that I can’t carry any uncovered cup or bottle that’s over half full. I also have to use uber if I have more than 1 passenger or anything more than a few carryons.
This
My seats at the superbowl were at the front of the section so I had to go up and down lots of steps every time i needed a slash
What car do you drive?