GS Elevator Tweets

I particularly like number 6

1.‘Just be yourself’ is good advice to probably 5% of people.

2. People can be drug-tested to keep their jobs, but not to receive government benefits? Explain that shit to me. Please.

3. I start every cell conversation with ‘my phone’s about to die’ so they don’t waste my time.

4. A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherf.cker.

5. Speaking about a firm janitor: 1. ‘Do u think he tells the chicks he works at Goldman Sachs ?’ 2. ‘Of course - he doesn’t just clean up at work’

6. If someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, belittle them. It’s better to be an asshole than stupid.

7. If there’s a hot chick behind me at the ATM, I’ll always leave my receipt in the machine so she can see the balance.

8. Guns kill people like spoons make people fat.

9. My 1st wife was vehemently pro-life until my girlfriend got pregnant.

10. Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.

11. Every guy I know has paid for s.x. One way or the other.

12. If you see me opening a car door for a girl, its either a new girlfriend or a new car.

13. If you brag about starting at the bottom and making it to the top, you are probably still closer to the bottom.


Have you been following me around?

This is perfect!

I was just looking for this so I could forward it to my contacts…apparently Microsoft is running a two-week program where they’ll pay me $245 every time the person I sent this to forwards it along!

Well of course it’s not real. It’s a parody account! Still pretty funny though.

I prefer Wu-Tang Financial.

This account was funny but now it’s not.

“You need to diversify yo’ bonds, nigga.”

That was almost my signature line, but I figured Chad wouldn’t appreciate that a whole lot.

looks like someone crawled out from under a rock

I read the guy’s book – “Straight to Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, and Billion-Dollar Deals”.

It was honestly a pretty bad book, with parts of it that were clearly exaggerated. I had a hard time getting all the way through it and I really disliked the guy by the end of the book.