I'm surprised more people haven't tried this, actually


"Florida man arrested in plot to get rich by bombing Target "

"Barnett allegedly built 10 explosive devices and disguised them as food-item boxes, and he delivered those boxes to an unnamed person to place them in Target stores along the East Coast, according to a federal criminal complaint.

The plan, Barnett told that person, was to set off the bombs in Target stores in Florida, Virginia, and New York, sending the company’s stock value down. Barnett would then buy Target stock cheaply, and sit and wait as the stock rebounded, which he referred to as “easy money,” according to the criminal complaint." Also, is it just me, or is there no normal news story that starts with “Florida Man…”?

Back when Fark.com was a thing, one of their tags was simply “Florida.” Anyway, this guy hasn’t watched enough Bond movies. He was planning to buy the dip after the exploding Targets. He should short the stock first, bomb, cover and go long.

Stupid Florida Man.

Maybe he thought the short followed by long would be too incriminating.

He took out the risk of losing on the short sale in case his bombs didn’t go off. He’s a 2nd generation Bond villain

Well, if he’s trying to be a Bond villain, I hope he practiced naked testicle whipping at least.


On the other guy though. The one he gave the boxes to place.

It could have been a whip-bomb.

“Hey, that looks cool. Is that a whip or snake tail jutting out of the box? Let me try and pull it.”

Boom. Silence.

$$$ rain.

you would only lose if you bought short-dated OTM puts though. if you sold short, you could cover after the failed incident. it is still likely the stock would come under pressure a bit if the market learns Target has been targeted with several bombs.

Better idea - Buy land in Nevada. Wait for California to slide off into Pacific. Sell the now-oceanfront land for billions.

Why hasn’t anybody thought of this before?

The government has. It owns most of the land in Nevada.

This is why the lizard people put Trump in charge. Sea levels are going to rise faster than thought (though the lizard people knew, obviously) so who better to oversee a bunch of undeveloped, soon-to-be beach front property than a real estate tycoon?

It’s going to be fantastic. Truly beautiful.

Not to mention that once California is in the ocean, USA will be a Republican paradise for the next 100 years…

^ assuming its citizens fall into the ocean with it, and don’t disburse throughout the other states…

They’ll be too busy protesting against the ocean for killing millions of undocumented immigrants.


[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCEeAn6_QJo autoplay:0]