Intermittent Farting?

. We just hired a new IR person and she has been doing great for the first couple of months. I’m at a relatively small firm that needed a few more big fish investors to come in and prop up our AUM so that we could maintain a decent staff and cover expenses. The new IR girl, Jennifer, is great at contacting prospective investors and even better at sealing the deal in our conference room when they show up in person. We deal primarily in fixed income and she worked at a rival firm in the city with a solid track record, which is why I felt very comfortable with bringing her on the team. We were having a few slow months and I brought her into my office at about 4pm and politely gave her the heads up that if we don’t bring in a big fish investor over the next month, I might have to let her go, as well as a few other people in operations. I could tell something had come over her and she began nervously shifting from side to side and then all of a sudden locked eyes with me. She gave me a look that I didn’t really pay attention to at the time, but now I will never forget. It was like an embarrassed happy smile, with something in her eyes that was unknown and unsettling. She did it. It is so clear to me now. Jennifer left immediately after our conversation in that meeting, without me even dismissing her. I usually keep my door closed and she purposely left it open when leaving. I wasn’t sure why at the time. I closed the door, walked out of my office after her and went to the pantry to get a snack and a refill on coffee. After making rounds, I came back into the office and something was wrong. Very wrong. I opened the door and it smelled like a rodent or mouse had died in the ventilation. The whole room seemed to be a thick fog of a horrible stench. It was about time to leave, so I grabbed my briefcase and called the building manager to investigate what seemed to be a dead mouse stuck in my office ventilation system. That smell was stuck in my office for days and the building staff disassembled the vents and found nothing. It was bad - very bad. I had almost forgotten about the whole experience until later that month, when Jennifer excitedly called and said she had a ‘big fish’ investor coming in after lunch. I had the contracts prepared and she polished off some of the slides that she usually does for the meetings. I put the contract at the head of the table, where the prospective investor would sit and went in a bit early to check out the slides that Jennifer had just completed. Things went off without a hitch. We usually give the option for the investor to sign the contract in the meeting or after the meeting, depending on if they have to consult with their BOD or heads of their company. Its usually obvious by their body language and attitude if they are going to sign with us. I wasn’t sure if we had hooked this big fish and saw that Jennifer was thinking the same thing. All of a sudden the guy asked a question at the end of Jennifer’s presentation that left her nervous and then … I saw that same face again. She locked eyes with me and I recognized it. It was an ‘oh no’ face. I felt sorry for her and the big fish investor, but I just had to leave. I could not experience this stench again and knew it was her. I quickly excused myself and went to get some coffee. I was gone for about 15 minutes and came back to a very nervous Jennifer standing in front of the conference room door, with the door shut and the contract in her hand. “Where is the investor?” I asked her. “Uhhh he left.” Jennifer said. She handed over the contract with an odd smile on her face and told me it was signed and completed, which was uncommon, but not completely unusual. I grabbed the contract and went back to my office. She quickly walked off and later told me she ‘accidentally’ locked the conference room door after leaving. I don’t know if she hotboxed this guy into signing the contract and I have not asked her since, but we really needed this big fish. I called the manager at her prior firm (our rival firm) and asked if there is anything I should know about Jennifer. He said that she was great at bringing on new investors and that it really stinks that they don’t have her anymore. He started laughing uncontrollably, like a hyena and it all became very clear. I hung up and then knew why they were not too upset to part with their IR star. All I want to know is - how to deal with this intermittant farting? I don’t know how to confront Jennifer and don’t want to upset her. Also, I am worried if she has Trimethylaminuria and cannot control it. Finally, I’m not sure if this is a bad thing or a good thing. Did she pressure prospective investors to hurry up and sign through her … unique qualities?

Ha. I’m guessing that’s a fake name. She would be a great pinch-hitter in a late night negotiation. You guys are hungry; lookin’ to get some food, maybe cheese. She offers to cut it.


Look up “crop dusting” on urban dictionary.

Great post, Analti.

Read at work and could not stop laughing out loud

lol is this real?? If she was nervously shifting, that means she can feel it coming, and should be able to find some way to run away, do the deed and then return.

Made up, never happened.