One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, “How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?” The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I`m drowning, you moron!”
Quality
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it`s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to ep. sle A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you use to bite my neck.” Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. “Where are you going ?” she asked. “To get my teeth!”
> >> Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after a really awesome business > >> party. He couldn’t even remember how he got home or where his gear was. > >> As lousy as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack > >> had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a > >> couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next > >> to them, a single red rose! > >> > >> Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and > >> pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, > >> spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, > >> cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the > >> bathroom mirror. > >> > >> Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in > >> red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: > >> "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make > >> you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian. > >> > >> He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, > >> steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the > >> table, eating. Jack ! asks, “Son… what happened last night?” > >> > >> "Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You fell > >> over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, > >> and got that black eye when you ran into the door. > >> > >> Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order > >> and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for > >> me?? > >> > >> His son replies, "Oh THAT! > >> > >> Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants > >> off, you screamed, "Leave me alone b@!%h, I’m married!! > >> > >> > >> Broken Coffee Table $239.99 > >> > >> Hot Breakfast 4.20 \> \>\> \> \>\> Two Aspirins .38 > >> > >> Saying the right thing, at the right time…PRICELESS
that really is priceless. well done!
december 2008 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 > feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same > depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever. The > diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy > joined him a few minutes later. The diver went > below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy > joined him. > This confused the diver, so he took out a > waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, “How the > heck are you able to stay under this deep without > equipment?” > The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the > diver had written, and wrote, “I`m drowning, you > moron!” I hate jokes. and really wish i hadnt laughed at this one. For now i am a hypocrite. well done mate!