Since V-day is around the corner and we don’t want to see any guy ruining his chances with that special girl (we married guys are already stuck anyway, but the Mrs. could still poison us, right?) probably it’s good idea to put together a list of stuff we AFers have said without much thought that later on haunted us back. Here are a few items that come on top of my head about things I’ve said that probably shouldn’t have, so I’ll go first.
“People don’t live forever you know. Your dad is past 70 so I’d check the current life expectancy first before making any long term decision.” Lesson: when it comes to her parents, act like if they are eternal, otherwise you’ll be labeled as a heartless SOB.
“Of course I won’t cheat on you; those 21 y/o interns would never find me attractive now that I’m pushing 35.” Lesson: don’t imply that given the opportunity you would go balls deep with one of your interns. Just say you love her.
“I think you and your friends look like funny bees with those oversized sunglasses, don’t you think?” Lesson: When in doubt, just STFU.
Any other lapse of judgment to build this list will be appreciated.
You mean we weren’t actually broken up a few months ago when you said you hated me, never wanted to see me again, and that I should just go f*ck your best friend Katie if I really think she looked good in that sluttly little dress she was wearing at the party?
When your wife is pregnant, don’t ever pick up on the fact that she really doesn’t need to eat that third pastry on the plate. I’ve learnt that if you do that, she will likely pick up the plate and literally throw it at you.
If her dad borrows our car while we are on holiday and totals it and doesn’t tell you about it, don’t think about the car, act like you’re overjoyed that he is alive and escaped without injury. Worrying about the car and the insurance mess ahead makes you look like a total asshole.
Plenty more where I’ve put my foot in it but those are two example that straight away sprung to the top of my head.