weekend review: ‘real’ date vs. ‘cyber’ date i had two dates over the weekend: one girl i met in ‘real’ life and one girl i met in ‘cyber’ life ‘real’ girl date was to a minor league baseball game with great seats and fireworks and all that. the ‘date’ was great, but she su@ked. had a bad attitude, wasn’t really into talking about much and was very awkward at times. (we had met the week before at a fashion show (she’s a stylist) and we hit it off, going to a dessert bar after the show to share a hookah and some drinks.) ‘cyber’ girl date was at a bar to celebrate her b-day. we ended up doing shots, rbv’s and barhopped a bit before heading to the strip club and then back to her place for some skinny dipping/making out in the pool. i think its safe to say the ‘cyber’ date went better. i really like how you can compare yoursevles before meeting so you can tell if you’re going to enjoy meeting the person or not, as i clearly enjoyed meeting the ‘cyber’ date much better than the forced ‘real’ date.
That’s really the key benefit to online dating is the screening process before. You have a good understanding of how the night is going to go before it even begins. On a ‘real’ date you don’t know much about the person (especially if you met drunk) so it could go either way.
wake2000 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > there was a great article in the New Yorker this > week on online dating. Highly suggested read. "The twentieth century reduced it all to smithereens. The Pill, women in the workforce, widespread deferment of marriage, rising divorce rates, gay rights—these set off a prolonged but erratic improvisation on a replacement. In a fractured and bewildered landscape of fern bars, ladies’ nights, Plato’s Retreat, “The Bachelor,” sexting, and the concept of the “cougar,” the Internet promised reconnection, profusion, and processing power. " processing power = clarity. i like clarity.
Reading that article wake was talking about really fascinated me. How cool would it be to work as one of the algorithm designers for a site like match. I feel like that would be about as interesting as a job can get.
Thanks for the response Black Swan. I’m sure you’re as confident and bold to meet as you are behind the security of a keyboard. You seem so busy, with your uncanny ability to get money and F women, that it’s hard to believe you somehow found the time to make 3,680 posts on AnalystForum. Also, my apologies for asking a forum of “nerds” they’re opinion on online dating, it seemed a given that I myself am somewhat of a nerd, and suspect most anyone pursuing the CFA is to some degree. Thus, it would seem ridiculous to assume there may be some like-minds snooping around here. There are rumors of a certain “purple squirrel” though, maybe its not as rare as it seems. And I’m sure no one has anything to say on the subject given this thread is at 15 pages now. As far as calling me an idiot over my reservations, I’m sure this is the first time anyone has ever entertained the debate over whether online dating is legitimate or lame. In fact, if you type “is online dating” into google, 3 of the 5 subjects that populate are “for losers”, “bad”, and “weird”.
ok this thread has my attention now…
I’d say that while BS’s response was unnecessarily harsh, it was not entirely off target. Once you get out of school, you realize that finding eligible people that you have common interests in gets harder. People start pairing off, and all you’re left with is how good someone looks at the bar. If they’re drunk, then maybe you can go home a score a freebie, but if you actually would like to develop something ongoing, it’s a complete crapshoot. Online dating is also a crapshoot, but the odds are different, and you can actually approach someone with at least a little bit more of a sense about whether you’d actually have something to talk about. Meeting people online is pretty accepted in most educated circles as a perfectly reasonable (and in some ways preferable) method to meet people. BS’s response was harsh, because the attitude that “only losers have to go online” is really a kind of a backwards way to look at it. In the 1990s, people thought only nerds with no social skills met online, and in places like chat rooms. In the 2000s the proliferation of sites has made it a pretty acceptable way to meet people when you actually have criteria to select on - educational level, religious background, race (for good or ill), political leanings, etc., and of course, looks matter to most people too, but that’s no different than any other environment. We’re no longer even in the 2000s. It’s 2011. Many of our interactions are now mediated by the internet, whether we first met online or not. I’ll admit that I read your post and thought “Wow, in 2011, there are still people that feel this way about online dating? That’s amazing.” The key is that online dating is a way to improve the quality of your selections, and that’s why it’s no longer considered something just for losers. I’m not trying to bash you, but I think you’re coming from a background that is far more conservative than the norm here, and I don’t think you really need to worry about whether online dating will scar you for life or not. How you deal with your family about it is a genuine issue, but you certainly don’t need to be apologetic about it with others.
You had so many assumptions and sterotypes in your post you were bound to catch some heat. You seem curious to know more about it. You could of just asked that. You didn’t need to generalize everyone on them as being socially awkward. Then you went on rants about how your family/friends will judge you and wether you’re old enough (mature enough) to be using the site. There’s no need to get defensive and tell me what happens when you google online dating. As for being a nerd. I’m proud of it. I don’t think it has the negative connation that it did in the 50s. I don’t own a pocket protector or any short-sleeve button up shirts (sorry if you do). Online dating not being real? Do you not ever meet the person? Is the other user a robot? It’s easier than dating normally because it gives you hints/shortcuts. “I LIKE DINOSAURS” “Hey, I see you like natural history, would you like to go the meusum with me sometime.” Thing is everyone on the site is looking for somewhat the same thing. There’s not as many false pretenses. I really don’t know what to say except give it a try. It’s different, but not worse by any means. I like it more.
jltrooper Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Also, my apologies for asking a forum of “nerds” > they’re opinion on online dating, It’s the oxymoronic question of asking nerds if something is socially acceptable, think hard > And I’m sure no one has anything to say on the > subject given this thread is at 15 pages now. Doesn’t change the fact that it was a stupid question > As far as calling me an idiot over my > reservations, I’m sure this is the first time > anyone has ever entertained the debate over > whether online dating is legitimate or lame. In > fact, if you type “is online dating” into google, > 3 of the 5 subjects that populate are “for > losers”, “bad”, and “weird”. Yes, hide behind general opinion and google searches, good camo for idiots. I form most of my opinions off of random rants written by 12 year olds on google as well. BTW, when you were googling, did you happen to notice that meeting online is statistically the third most popular way spouses meet? All those socially awkward people, it’s crazy. I’m going to stop now on good advice from a friend, “Never argue with an idiot, they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
Thanks lxwarr30 and bchadwick. My original post was late last night, and I may have been feeling some of the anxiety/stress of being in a new place/new job and not knowing many people. It’s also my first “real job” and I’m 1500 miles away from all my friends and family, and with the CFA L1 looming I’m not sure how active my social life will be for the next 6 months. I do come from a conservative background, and also from the Deep South, so there are still notions that seem of legitimate concern to me when they have been widely accepted for years elsewhere. That is main part of why I decided to move in the first place.
Black Swan Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Reading that article wake was talking about really > fascinated me. How cool would it be to work as > one of the algorithm designers for a site like > match. I feel like that would be about as > interesting as a job can get. I worked for a online dating startup, and we did write very similar algorithm. It is about as exciting as any other matching/recommendation algorithm - nothing but a series of data which you need to group and correlate.
Also, thanks Black Swan, seriously. Even though you have been harsh and critical, it is much appreciated and probably for the best.
jltrooper Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Also, thanks Black Swan, seriously. Even though > you have been harsh and critical, it is much > appreciated and probably for the best. Rule #1 never back from online forum fight Rule #2, see rule #1
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > jltrooper Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Also, thanks Black Swan, seriously. Even though > > you have been harsh and critical, it is much > > appreciated and probably for the best. > > Rule #1 never back from online forum fight > Rule #2, see rule #1 LOL
My bad, I have a well documented tendency to fly off the handle. Anyhow, the moral of the story is to go for it, you have nothing to lose, especially being in a new city. That being said, LI while working will not leave you much time for social activities. At least it didn’t for me.
Comp sci’s pissed his afternoon’s entertainment vanished.
This is terrible. I went to lunch and everyone resolved their issues!!!
not quite - ‘real’ date girl left a cd in my car. how do i give it back? is there a way to make it an advantage?
mar350 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > not quite - ‘real’ date girl left a cd in my car. > how do i give it back? is there a way to make it > an advantage? What is this? 99? Who the hell is listening to CD in the car??
I listen to CDs still. They give better sound quality than iPod connectors/radio/whatever. BET MAR350 - I thought you didn’t have fun with this girl.