"The Interview Shame Thread"


Interviewer : (last five minutes) So do you have any questions for me? Candidate : Can you tell me about what brought you to [Firm] and what’s kept you there? Interviewer : That was a waste of a question.

Interviewer : Scenario. It’s January 1. You can invest in the stocks that make up the S&P 500. How do you guarantee that you will outperform the index by December 31? Candidate : (extended silence, no idea) Interviewer : Think about it statistically. And remember the S&P is market-cap weighted. Candidate : … I have no idea… Interviewer : Really? Think about it. Candidate : (more painful silence) … Sorry, no clue. Interviewer : Don’t buy the stocks that go down! Candidate : Ah.

Plus more…

Like everything else their “Business School Bureau Chief” writes, it sucks.

Interviewer : “I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 50; tell me what it is?”

me : “Uh, 50?”

Interviewer : “It’s 47”

me : “Huh?”

Interviewer : “I went to Pomona College [too]!”

(47 is a number that Pomona thinks is special for itself, for reasons that I never really got into, but lots of alums like)

Interviewer : “Why did you chose 50?”

me : “It’s the biggest number. With no information to go on except the fact that you’re an asset manager, I figured that ‘more is better’.”

The interviewer did laugh. The firm didn’t hire me.

i once told the recruiter that I didn’t really want the job but instead wanted to manage money…

he said…“why would you say that? you were doing so good”…he looked disappointed…I was a bit embarassed but I didn’t lie…

There was a time during my 20s when I thought I was the sh!t (almost numi-esque attitude) and did dumb things during interviews I’m not proud of.

Interviewer : Do you have other recruiting processes right now?

Me : yes, with firms B,M, and K.

Interviewer : Whaa? So, I take we´re probably not your first choice. What about your salary expectations?

Me : Well, I already have an offer from one firm with salary S

Interviewer : S? probably not even your boss here would make that salary. Why did you even come then?

Me : Don’t know, just to see what’s around.

Interviewer : I see. Thanks for coming (Pr!ck son of a …)

No joke, one interviewer asked me something that nearly resembled this:

Tell me about a time you were on a team, a project was due, a teammate got sick while another was just lazy. At the same time you just realized your wife’s mother is in the hospital and your girlfriend on the side is pregnant. How would you balance these multiple concurrent demands while still maintaining a constant twitter feed for your thriving fans?

“Wait, that chick was your girlfriend???”

The only issue that you can control at that time is the project that’s due. So, you have to focus your energy on getting the lazy coworker to help you finish in time.

After that, you probably call your wife and comfort your wife and reassure her that she’s the love of your life. That way, you buy yourself some time to deal with the girlfriend.

Then, you figure out how to make your girlfriend problem go away forever.

If you’re a nice guy, you then send a card, flowers, candy, or something else to the sick coworker to earn some points that can be cashed in later on.

Nice one on the flowers. Wouldn’t have thought of that. As for the lazy coworker, slip some no-doze in his coffee to put some pep into his step.