Merry Christmas, Bob By Chris Shugart Testosterone Magazine “So, what are you doing for a living these days?” Bob asked me. We’re sitting on the couch at one of those tedious holiday get-togethers, you know, the ones where you’re supposed to be nice to family members you never see except during major holidays and funerals. I think Bob is my wife’s brother-in-law’s second cousin or something. “I’m the assistant editor and a writer for Testosterone magazine,” I say. Bob looks at me with a blank expression on his face, as if I’d just told him I sell handmade testicle warmers beside the freeway and was looking to open franchises across the nation. “It’s a bodybuilding magazine,” I say. Blank expression. Deer caught in the headlights. Ronnie Coleman doing trigonometry. “Oh,” Bob finally says, “I heard you were, like, one of those bodybuilder guys or something. So, what’s that like, you know, working out every day and stuff? I just don’t have time to lift weights all day, but I have been meaning to get rid of this beer belly.” He takes another sip of beer. “What do you suggest?” Sip. At first I was a little offended. I wanted to grab him up and say, “You can’t tell I’m a bodybuilder?! Look at my ass! Now, if that’s not a nice round squat-built piece of sirloin, I don’t know what is! You think that comes naturally? I can crack walnuts with this puppy! Wanna see? Huh, punk? Do ya? Do ya?” Then I realize this just might cause a scene and could cost me several Christmas presents. I was planning on returning any presents I got and using the money to buy a power rack, so I didn’t want to jeopardize this gift getting opportunity. I also realized that old Bob probably had a certain preconceived image of a bodybuilder and I just didn’t fit that image. I’m not gorilla huge; I weigh about 205 at 5’11" right now. (When I first started lifting I was a pudgy 159, so that’s not too shabby.) Also, I wasn’t wearing clown pants, a fluorescent string tank top, a hanky on my head and one of those little fanny packs. And isn’t that what real bodybuilders are supposed to wear? Bob continued to sit there drinking his Natural Light, smoking a cigarette and waiting for an answer, oblivious to the fact that he’d come this close to seeing some serious walnut- crunching ass power. I tried to figure out how I could explain to the average guy what the typical T-Man does and why he does it. How could I get him to understand what it is we do, how we feel, how we live? So I took a deep breath and told him something like this: "Well, Bob, I guess you could use the term bodybuilder if you really need a label for what it is we do. Most of us actually don’t stand on stage and compete, though. We lift weights and manipulate our diets so that we’ll look good naked. Sure, it’s healthy too, and we’ll probably live a longer and more productive life than the average guy, but mostly it’s about the naked thing. Truthfully, it goes beyond even that. "Let’s be honest here. We do it because of people like you, Bob. We look at you sitting there with your gut hanging over your belt and we watch you grunt and groan just getting out of a chair. Guys like you are our inspiration, Bob. You’re better than Anthony Robbins, Bill Phillips, Deepak Chopra, and Zig fucking Ziglar all wrapped up into one. We love it when guys like you talk about not having time to exercise. Every time we see you munching on a bag of potato chips, you inspire us. You’re my shot in the arm, Bob, my living and breathing wake-up call, my own personal success coach. "You want to know what it is we do? We overcome. We’re too busy to train, too, but we overcome. We’re too busy to prepare healthy meals and eat them five or six times a day, but we overcome. We can’t always afford supplements, our genetics aren’t perfect, and we don’t always feel like going to the gym. Some of us used to be just like you, Bob, but guess what? We’ve overcome. "We like to watch ‘normal’ people like you tell us about how they can’t get in shape. We smile and nod sympathetically like we feel your pain, but actually, we’re thinking that you’re a pathetic piece of shit that needs to grow a spine and join a gym. You smile sheepishly and say that you just can’t stay motivated and just can’t stand that feeling of being sore. (For some reason you think that admitting your weaknesses somehow justifies them.) We listen to you bitch and moan. We watch you look for the easy way out. Because of people like you, Bob, we never miss a workout. "You ask us for advice about diet and training and usually we politely offer some guidance, but deep inside we know you won’t take our advice. You know that too. We smile and say, ‘Hope that helps. Good luck,’ but actually we’re thinking, ‘Boy, it would suck to be you.’ We know that 99% of people won’t listen to us. Once they hear that it takes hard work, sacrifice and discipline, they stop listening and tune us out. "We know they wanted us to say that building a great body is easy, but it just isn’t. This did not take five minutes a day on a TorsoTrack. We did not get this way in 12 short weeks using a Bowflex and the Suzanne Somers’ ‘Get Skinny’ diet. A good body does not cost five easy payments of $39.95. "We like it that while you’re eating a candy bar and drinking Mountain Dew, we’re sucking down a protein shake. You see, that makes it taste even better to us. While you’re asleep we’re either getting up early or staying up late, hitting the iron, pushing ourselves, learning, succeeding and failing and rising above the norm with every rep. Can you feel that, Bob? Can you relate? No? Good. This wouldn’t be half as fun if you could. "We do it because we absolutely and totally get off on it. We do it because people like you, Bob, either can’t or won’t. We do it because what we do in the gym transfers over into the rest of our lives and changes us, physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually. We do it because it beats watching fishing and golf on TV. By the way, do you know what it’s like to turn the head of a beautiful woman because of the way you’re built? It feels good, Bob. Damned good. "When we’re in the gym, we’re in this indescribable euphoria zone. It’s a feeling of being on, of being completely alive and aware. If you haven’t been there, then it’s like trying to describe color to a person who’s been blind since birth. Within this haze of pleasure and pain, there’s knowledge and power, self-discipline and self-reliance. If you do it long enough, Bob, there’s even enlightenment. Sometimes, the answers to questions you didn’t even know you had are sitting there on those rubber mats, wrapped up in a neat package of iron plates and bars. "Want to lose that beer belly, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the fucking beer. I’ll tell you what, Bob. Christmas morning I’m getting up real early and hitting the iron. I want to watch my daughter open her presents and spend the whole day with her, so this is the only time I have to train. The gym will be closed, so I’m going out in my garage to workout. You be at my house at six in the morning, okay? I’ll be glad to help you get started on a weight training program. It’ll be colder than Hillary Clinton’s coochie in there, so dress warm. "But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don’t show up, don’t bother asking me again. And don’t you ever sit there and let me hear you bitch about your beer belly again. This is your chance, your big opportunity to break out of that rut. If you don’t show up, Bob, you’ve learned a very important lesson about yourself, haven’t you? You won’t like that lesson. "You won’t like that feeling in the pit of your stomach either or that taste in your mouth. It will taste worse than defeat, Bob. Defeat tastes pretty goddamned nasty, but what you’ll be experiencing will be much worse. It will be the knowledge that you’re weak, mentally and physically. What’s worse is that you’ll have accepted that feeling. The feeling will always be with you. In the happiest moments of your life, it’ll be there, lying under the surface like a malignant tumor. Ignore it at your own peril, Bob. “Don’t look at me like that either. This just may be the best Christmas present you’ll get this year. Next Christmas, Bob, when I see you again, I’m going to be a little bigger, a little stronger, and a little leaner. What will you be? Will you still be making excuses? This is a gift, Bob, from me to you. I’m giving you the chance to look fate in those pretty eyes of hers and say, ‘Step off, bitch. This is my party and you’re not invited.’ What do you say, Bob? Monday, Christmas morning, 6am, my house. The ball’s in your court.” Okay, so maybe that’s not the exact words I used with Bob, but you get the picture. Will Bob show up Monday? I don’t know, but I kind of doubt it. In fact, Bob will probably take me off his Christmas card list. He probably thinks I’ve got “too much Testosterone,” like that’s a bad thing. I think Bob is just stuck in a rut, and as the saying goes, the only difference between a rut and a grave is depth. The way out of the rut is to make major changes in your life, most of which won’t be too pleasant in the beginning. The opportunity to make those changes seldom comes as bluntly as I put it to Bob. Most of the time, that opportunity knocks very softly. What I did was basically give Bob a verbal slap in the face. You can react two ways to a slap. You can get angry at the person doing the slapping, or you can realize that he was just trying to get you to wake up and focus on what you really want and, more importantly, what it’ll take to get it. If you’re a regular T-mag reader, I doubt you need to be called out like Bob. But maybe you’ve caught yourself slacking a little here lately. Maybe you’ve missed a few workouts or maybe you started a little too early on the usual holiday feasting, like, say, back in September. Just remember that the time to start working on that summer body is now. The time to get rid of those bad habits that hold you back in the gym is now. You want to look totally different by next Christmas? Start now. This isn’t because of the holidays or any corny New Year’s resolutions either. The best time is always now. Christmas day I want you to enjoy being with your family and friends. I want you to open presents, sip a little eggnog and have a good meal. But if your regularly scheduled workout happens to fall on December 25th, what will you be doing at six o’clock that morning? That’s what separates us from guys like Bob.
Read this before… Its awesome.
John Berardi writes some really great articles on nutrition from T-Mag.
good stuff. this is really true on so many levels. thanks for posting
The part where he talks about giving advice to some people knowing in our hearts that they are really just paying us lip service. So true, I hate telling people about push/pull workouts and bodyweight excercises and core lifts being the building blocks to successful training and watching their eyes glaze over and think about the next glazed doughnut they’re gonna shove down their face.
^^Agree, also when people are like “but squatting is bad for your knees” or “deadlifting is bad for your back”…I reply “wrong, *not* doing those things is bad for you”.
I think working for strength should be in the scope of the sport you are playing. Otherwise you will just get bulky for no reason
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I think working for strength should be in the > scope of the sport you are playing. Otherwise you > will just get bulky for no reason Disagree, as the type of fitness you will get depends on the sport under that philosophy. Being in great shape for MMA is much different than being in great shape for an NFL lineman which is different than being in great shape as a gymnast. I would rather be more well rounded athletically and have skills that are transferrable to many/most sports.
Just change the theme from “getting in shape” to “passing the CFA exams”, and this should be mandatory and only response to all “how do I pass level one/two/three?!?!!?” threads. Examples of how I envision this re-write: "Want to improve your score, Bob? I have a nutty idea. Put down the @#$%& beer. I’ll tell you what, Bob. Saturday morning I’m getting up real early and hitting the books. I want to spend time with my girlfriend and take her out to dinner, so this is the only time I have to study that day. The library will be closed that early, so I’m going to just turn on one light in my common room so as not to wake my girlfriend at 6AM . You be at my house at six in the morning, okay? I’ll be glad to help you get started on a study program. It’ll be more boring than painting grass and watching it dry as it grows, so be sure to get a coffee and a bagel as a ‘treat’ to keep you going when you’re hauling your ass out of bed at 5:30 on a Saturday. “But let me tell you something, Bob. If you don’t show up, don’t bother asking me again. And don’t you ever sit there and let me hear you complain about the difficulty of the exams. This is your chance, your big opportunity to break out of that rut. If you don’t show up, Bob, you’ve learned a very important lesson about yourself, haven’t you? You won’t like that lesson.” Great article. I love it.
brain_wash_your_face Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > comp_sci_kid Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I think working for strength should be in the > > scope of the sport you are playing. Otherwise > you > > will just get bulky for no reason > > Disagree, as the type of fitness you will get > depends on the sport under that philosophy. Being > in great shape for MMA is much different than > being in great shape for an NFL lineman which is > different than being in great shape as a gymnast. > I would rather be more well rounded athletically > and have skills that are transferrable to > many/most sports. Agreed, that is why it is 10000x more important to concentrate on indurance and plyometrics/vertical training as oppose to on getting bulky in upper body. None of most common sports require huge biceps
comp_sci_kid Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > brain_wash_your_face Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > comp_sci_kid Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > I think working for strength should be in the > > > scope of the sport you are playing. Otherwise > > you > > > will just get bulky for no reason > > > > Disagree, as the type of fitness you will get > > depends on the sport under that philosophy. > Being > > in great shape for MMA is much different than > > being in great shape for an NFL lineman which > is > > different than being in great shape as a > gymnast. > > I would rather be more well rounded > athletically > > and have skills that are transferrable to > > many/most sports. > > Agreed, that is why it is 10000x more important to > concentrate on indurance and plyometrics/vertical > training as oppose to on getting bulky in upper > body. None of most common sports require huge > biceps I always ask people why they work out their biceps. The only time when I can see biceps being really useful is when I am lifting grocery bags on the counter. By biceps naturally get larger from back workouts, thats all I want/need.
Okay, we’re in a agreement. I would say that it is very beneficial to train on some of the major lifts: squat, DL, pull ups, press, C&J, etc. I tend to focus not so much on endurance training as intervals, since it is shown to be more efficient in most (nearly all?) studies. Both accomplish the same end, intervals just get you there faster.
ASSet_MANagement Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > comp_sci_kid Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > brain_wash_your_face Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > comp_sci_kid Wrote: > > > > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > > > > ----- > > > > I think working for strength should be in > the > > > > scope of the sport you are playing. > Otherwise > > > you > > > > will just get bulky for no reason > > > > > > Disagree, as the type of fitness you will get > > > depends on the sport under that philosophy. > > Being > > > in great shape for MMA is much different than > > > being in great shape for an NFL lineman which > > is > > > different than being in great shape as a > > gymnast. > > > I would rather be more well rounded > > athletically > > > and have skills that are transferrable to > > > many/most sports. > > > > Agreed, that is why it is 10000x more important > to > > concentrate on indurance and > plyometrics/vertical > > training as oppose to on getting bulky in upper > > body. None of most common sports require huge > > biceps > > > I always ask people why they work out their > biceps. The only time when I can see biceps being > really useful is when I am lifting grocery bags on > the counter. > > By biceps naturally get larger from back workouts, > thats all I want/need. It’s all about symmetry. You want to build your muscles evenly. Big chest/big back. Big biceps/big triceps, big shoulders/big legs. You don’t want to concentrate on certain body parts and ignore others. Of course you get a small bicep workout when working other body parts. Your triceps will get an okay pump during your chest workouts too. Does that mean you shouldn’t work them separately? Besides, chicks dig nice arms, and having very small biceps but big triceps would just look silly.
great article!
Chris Shugart is the definition of a mindless zombie tool. The guy is a complete joke.
recycler Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Chris Shugart is the definition of a mindless > zombie tool. The guy is a complete joke. Mind expanding?
Awesomax! That’s what I needed to kick my lazy ass right into the gym!
JensensalphaMale Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ASSet_MANagement Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > comp_sci_kid Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > brain_wash_your_face Wrote: > > > > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > > > > ----- > > > > comp_sci_kid Wrote: > > > > > > > > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > > > > > > > > ----- > > > > > I think working for strength should be in > > the > > > > > scope of the sport you are playing. > > Otherwise > > > > you > > > > > will just get bulky for no reason > > > > > > > > Disagree, as the type of fitness you will > get > > > > depends on the sport under that philosophy. > > > > Being > > > > in great shape for MMA is much different > than > > > > being in great shape for an NFL lineman > which > > > is > > > > different than being in great shape as a > > > gymnast. > > > > I would rather be more well rounded > > > athletically > > > > and have skills that are transferrable to > > > > many/most sports. > > > > > > Agreed, that is why it is 10000x more > important > > to > > > concentrate on indurance and > > plyometrics/vertical > > > training as oppose to on getting bulky in > upper > > > body. None of most common sports require huge > > > biceps > > > > > > I always ask people why they work out their > > biceps. The only time when I can see biceps > being > > really useful is when I am lifting grocery bags > on > > the counter. > > > > By biceps naturally get larger from back > workouts, > > thats all I want/need. > > > It’s all about symmetry. You want to build your > muscles evenly. Big chest/big back. Big > biceps/big triceps, big shoulders/big legs. You > don’t want to concentrate on certain body parts > and ignore others. > > Of course you get a small bicep workout when > working other body parts. Your triceps will get > an okay pump during your chest workouts too. Does > that mean you shouldn’t work them separately? > > Besides, chicks dig nice arms, and having very > small biceps but big triceps would just look > silly. Symmetry? What is it? Renaissance all over?
^^^ Muscle symmetry is actually pretty important. If not for presentation purposes, then for safety as a symmetrical physique is less prone to injury. Without muscle symmetry, a particular muscle group is more likely to compensate for a weaker one. In those instances, you can overburden those muscle groups while further weakening, and potentially injuring, the under-developed groups. I’d be careful not to completely ignore a muscle group. Some of you ask why others work their arms. My question is why would someone not work everything?
I do work everything, I just avoid isolation exercises and focus more on functional training…gymnasts are pretty symetrically strong, and the ones I have met do not do many preacher curls.