When I drink

Water Cooler
#1

When I drink

The pain goes away

My IKEA furniture stops the squeaking

The food is better appealing

I’m not worried about being an alcoholic

Worse that happens is I go on government money

I hate my roommate singing to himself

This is the life I’ve chosen.

Please god help me succeed

I will cut back the drinks

#2

My bamboo plants seem to survive only on water. They get thirsty too and love a great drink.

Bamboo is one of the Four Gentlemen, of course. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Gentlemen