So the wife was moaning last night… she’s upset coz she’s not feeling well, she doesn’t like her well paid job and she wants to go on holiday again and a few other private things which I guess have been getting her down lately.
She starts telling me all this stuff and I tell her to go to the Dr if you’re sick, be grateful she’s got a job and roof over her head and stuff like that. I was extremely practical and told her how to fix her issues. I then said that she shouldn’t let the weight of the small pressures overbear her and put her in misery as it has a snowball effect. I probably also said something like that it isnt a big deal and get over it…millions of women go through this sort of stuff all the time…
Anyway she told me how insensitive I was and that i don’t listen and i’m rubbish at this, that, the other. So I asked her how to be more sensitive and she told me she wouldn’t tell me, which is why i’m here asking my CFA brethrans.
How do you be more sensitive when a woman is moaning about her life?..
I think you are just supposed to give her a foot rub and say things like “there there, honey” and “you are beautiful” …oh… and …“eat some chocolate, you are getting too thin”. That should cheer her up.
Are you puzzled by women and their sexual desires? Do you wonder, for example, whether your wife really likes giving—and getting—oral sex? What are her secret fantasies? What is it that she really needs to have an orgasm?
Here is the playbook. After she tells you a problem, ask questions about why she feels that way. After she answers, say an empathetic statement that agrees the problem sucks. Then you ask more questions. If you are talented, you then make situation appropriate jokes to lighten the mood. But this is RISKY! only professionals should try.
And then at no point are you ever allowed to suggest fixes. If she asks what would you do, then you suggest. But even then, the suggestion is brief. She does not want it fixed, she wants to talk about her feelings on it with someone who will empathize
oh man, this brings back painful memories. took me years to learn that she doesn’t want you to suggest how to fix her problems. she just wants you listen, acknowledge her feelings, and show some sympathy. like rawraw said, if she wants your help with something, she’ll ask for it. it’s all about validating her feelings. whatever you do don’t judge them.
on the plus side, if you do something small like check in on an email to see how things are going with such and such work issue during work, you’ll smoosh that night for sure.
Bro - chicks just like to complain and moan about crap all the time…nothing new here. (And they certainly don’t want to hear about how to “fix” the issues). They just have to get it out of their system. Unfortunately the best course of action in these situations is to simply suck it up and listen and agree. (She was probably on her “thing”). Try to pass the puck to someone else, perhaps suggest she invite a friend over for wine etc… and they can talk it out.
Guys want to fix things which is the last thing she really wants. This is something I have learned over the years. What she really wants is for you to show some empathy. Try to identify with her points (even if you disagree) and just be supportive. If she continues to moan and complain she is probably mentally unstable and may need meds.
there has to be a strategy with what the guys above are suggesting. You need to pick and choose the battles; show empathy on the small things and where you know she feels vulnerable, but put your foot down when she’s becoming wholly unreasonable (career stuff, things that matter). Curb the princess syndrome in key areas or you’ll become a doormat and not even know it.
edit: I wish bchad were around to comment on this. I feel like he’d be a wealth of knowledge on Women Management. RIP Bruce.
Take your wife to a restaurant to dinner or better prepare it by yourself, remember anniversaries, kiss her neck from behind, kiss around her ears. Don’t be extremely practical, rather surprise her.
OK got it…But this is quite a struggle for me as I am a sociopath so I have to fake nearly all this empathy and sympathy stuff.
So I just say stuff like ‘i know it’s difficult darling, you’re doing so well. You’re a really good woman,… and yeah that stuff is so hard… i really hate it too’. ‘i hate feeling sick too… it sucks! You must feel really ill right now and not wanting to do anything… how about i get you a cup of tea?.. and i bot u these chocolates to make u feel better…’ blah blah blah…?
