Ant and Grasshopper

Water Cooler
#1

The ANT

AND THE

GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different …

Two Different Versions …

Two Different Morals

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The conservative white ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The liberal black grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green…’

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper’s sake.

Jesse Jackson grandstands at the blatent racism demonstrated by all ants.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, the Pope, 1%, and white folks for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green and black bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading black friends finishing up the last bits of the white ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize and ramshackle, the once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Be careful how you vote in 2012

#2

But wait, the best-set ants were manipulating LIBOR and the like. This isn’t just a story about how honest hard-working ants are being destroyed by slovenly grasshoppers.

#3

i always have a problem with those "Rock the Vote/ Vote or Die/ “the most important election in history!”

its basically saying…

(if you don’t go out and vote Liberal Democrat, the Evil Republicans will win)

#4

the sneaky slimy spiders are artificially holding down the price of silver and dumping gold plated tungsten bars onto the market to supress precious metals!

#5

Ants by their nature work single mindedly as servants within a class system to female monarch (subjucated by her percieved fertility) before dying out at the start of winter while the queen nests with the eggs.

Also, according to wikipedia, ants constitute between 15 and 25% of the worlds terestrial animal biomass!

#6

“The liberal black grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.”

Fuck You

#7

Should it say, …fool and drinks 40s and plays dice the summer away?

#8

If this board is a representation of the world of finance and CFA charterholder, I dont want to be a CFA Charterholder. I would end up stabbing a MF in the neck with a pencil or any sharp portable object around the office!

#9

First rule of finance is to never let emotion get in the way of logic.

#Troof!

#10

I suggest joining a drug cartel instead. The money is much better and sociopathic acts of violence are viewed favorably.

#11

actually stabbing assholes in the neck can be very logical and productive. Think about it Deebo. By commiting this heroic crime (might not be a crime if I face chronic black drunks, black crack head jurrors, and dead beats after all what to they know about right and worng, work ethics, law etc) I will free the office from a big jerk, there will be a sense of camaraderie among the remaining employees, everyone will be allert and on their toes, not to mention team work. ie assman getting Hit by a " BRAH" . Not sure why that was important to highlight in that tragic incident but whatever.

#12

I don’t know wtf you talk’n bout, but I assume you disrespectin me.

If I was you, I’d change my sig to say, “Find it, Fuck it, Forget it.”

#13

As opposed to racist and bigoted comments. Those go unchallenged in this forum!

#14

Not as cool as my sig.

#15

CvM’s racist and bigoted comments, which we’ve all received via email a thousand times, were met with intellectually humorous retorts from bchad, dvictr and swan. You, on the other had, responded with profanity and threats of violence against innocent coworkers.

#16

This shit is wack as fuck, I expect better from you.

#17

So you agree that those comments were indeed racist and bigoted and the only issue here is my lack of intellectual humorous retort and my choice of words. Got it! Maybe stabbing racist coworkers with pencils is not the way to go.

#18

^ progress.

#19

WTF is intellectually homoruos about this shit? please show me?

#20

^anti-progress