best way to break up with a girl

You can unintentionally leave your phone lying around the bedroom without password protection containing text messages from a week ago asking other women how bad they’d like to have sex (clean version). Worked like a charm for me.

Well, thing is Id like to do it, without her thinking Im a total jerk. But maybe this is unavoidable. I am leaving soon overseas on holidays for over 3 weeks, can i work this into the equation some how?

Just send her links to this thread and the other one, and I’m sure she’ll agree it’s the right choice.

+1 Or have a friend’s cousin platonic male friend tweet your message to her fbook account.

You could just ignore her for those 3 weeks and hope she gets the picture.

When in doubt, follow Jon Lajoie: FYI not NSFW

  1. Start eating more onions and garlic. 2) Take dressing advice from a computer science nerd. 3) Start poking her sisters and her hottest friends on Facebook. 4) Ask her for a threesome. 5) Learn some nasty corny jokes and spit those out on valentines day dinner. 6) Fart during sex. 7) Do not flush toilet when she’s with you. 8) Use Indian coconut oil for you hair. 9) Tell her you are HIV positive. 10) Tell her she’s fat. 11) Register on bestiality porn website with her email address and phone number. She’ll herself leave you for sure, and effects are reversible except your self esteem maybe. If she still choose to stay with you, then I guess you should re-think your decision of leaving her, you might be leaving a great value deal for an exotic option.

Of course it’s possible to do it without being a jerk. Just start being really boring and nice. Send her flowers every 2 days and say you love her often.


Get some buddies to wear leather bondage equipment and pose with you in compromising positions. Then, wait for her to walk in. In fact, I volunteer the three commenters above me. Problem solved.

Yeah, I forgot about this option. It should work well. You can talk about how many babies you want to have and how they’re going to love her cooking and cleaning up after them.

^I see what you are saying, but shes in her late 20’s so I think being a stage 5, and nice would actually be mroe of a turn on, as probably looking to settle and have kids? Its not like shes a 21 yo

^ You’d be surprised how wrong you are, even if she’s in her late 20s. No one would endure someone too clingy.

you might actually get a few dates with that line…

I’m going to go bang my head on a wall for a little while.

These threads can’t be real? Seriously what happened to you guys? I thought you were a bunch of bad ass cold hearted finance killers, sound like a bunch of d-bags.

I’m at the point where MILFs are starting to look a bit young for me… I can’t even contemplate dealing with a 21 yo. What the heck would I say to them? “When I was your age… you didn’t exist…”

Uh, that was a moment of comedic sarcasm taken out of context.

I’m bad at this. I usually just stop responding to their messages. In the past I’ve even moved out of the country.