I was in a heated debate with a few people recently, some of whom I have only met a few times but from what I heard from them, I don’t really like them already…
So the debate started when some guy mentioned “whites would never be friends with blacks they are not prejudice against”, then it quickly became an argument of “whites and blacks can never be just friends”.
From what I’ve heard, most blacks (and a few whites) believe, blacks and whites only get close to each other because there is an appearance of not being racist rather than more than just friends. Meaning, there is no point for a white to get to know a black further if he is not interested appearing non-racist. And similar is true for blacks, they would meet whites friends but unless they feel somewhat sorry about them, they would remain acquintances, coworkers, classmates, professional contacts, etc.
The argument gets down to, “would you invite a friend of opposite race out to just chat or chill?”
CvM
EDIT: My side of the debate is that “Yes, blacks and whites can be good friends”, in fact, i have plenty of close white friends!!
My gf’s dad is from Jersey City and is like a street level wise guy. He is a racist mutha and he snarls the Italian term “mulignan” pretty regularly, which is a derogatory Italian term for “black”. One of his best friends is black, and he is definitely not concerned with appearing non-racist.
They are such good friends that when some younger hustler tricked his mother out of a few hunder buck, these two sixty plus year old guys went over and beat the shit out of him. They’ve been friends for decades. So, yeah, racism is towards an anonymous race, friendship is more specific.
It is in everyone’s best interest to have one friend from each race… I’d go so far as to say from each nationality but some nationalities are useless and having friends from their would not be value adding… (namely French)
haha at mulignan. I’m not going to lie, i make racist jokes all the time, usually right in front of them because i mean nothing more than humor by it. My roommate / buddy in college was cape verdian and when i was competing in MMA most of my team was either black, hispanic, or brazlian. I see no problem with whites & blacks forming a friendship.
On a side note, italians love blacks. I have always had a thing for black women and i know a lot of italian girls go for black guys. Having said this, a lot of italians tend to be very racist.
I had a really good black friend but he moved away. we shared the same sense of humor and love of quoting dave chapelle so we had a blast just chilling. miss you papa bear…
anyway i think it more comes down to socio-economic background.
A week ago I would have said no, but after watching “Lee Daniel’s The Butler” on the flight home and seeing Cecil Gaines forming such close friendships with all those presidents and their families he was waiting on I’ve changed my mind.
I have two really good black friends, who I met at work 15 years ago and who unfortunately have since moved to different cities. I genuinely miss hanging out and shooting the breeze with them. I have a number of black acquaintances who I feel friendly toward and am happy to grab drinks with but can’t say I’ve gotten to know all that well.
Interestingly enough, it comes down to about 12% of my friends and acquaintances; the same proportion as blacks in America. Just a coincidence, I suspect.
I think the bigger challenge is just some of the cultural differences. My black friends and acquaintances are college educated, articulate nonprofit or corporatey types, and so it was easy for me to relate to them, while understanding that their experience of being black in America meant that there were some important differences in how we perceive and experience the world. But there was definitely enough in common to sustain a friendship with the ones who were my friends.
There are dark-skinned Dominicans in my neighborhood who run the drug scene. They are friendly to me, but I have no way of relating to them, other than being thankful that they 1) don’t cause me trouble, and 2) make sure nothing else bad happens in the neighborhood (so as not to attract the police).
Some years ago, my girlfriend had a black best friend from work and they invited us over to their barbeque one autumn. We were pretty much the only white people there.
This black family had done well for themselves (both in finance) - nice house, fun toys, etc… It was really interesting and satisfying to see up close a black family doing really well for themselves and - and this is the interesting part - at the same time being clearly culturally African-American. It wasn’t a black family leading a white life in dark skin. The whole environment felt very African-American and upper middle or even upper class. I really was happy to see how an African-American family could be successful without having to pretend to be like Leave it To Beaver. With Hollywood giving us so many images of the inner city, it’s just very satisfying to see something to counteract that.
