Whenever I’m interviewing a candidate to replace an team member or I’m hiring for a new position, I always start the interview off with the same request. Tell me a joke. You’d be amazed at the responses I get. You can tell that the first joke they think of is clearly not appropriate so they end up spinning their wheels. Most end up telling me they don’t know any good joke. A few tell me extremely off-color jokes. I’m still always amazed at the sexist or racist joke people will tell me. The reason I ask it is to see how the candidate reacts. I’ve had a few tell really involved funny jokes. Anyone that can deliver a joke well is usually good on the phone and other in-person interactions. If you know a good joke but it is off-color, just freaking tell me you haven’t heard any good jokes lately.
Define off-colour? I mean, if we’re all adults and my joke contains the world pen 1s maybe 3 times, is that off-colour? I’d be pretty hard-pressed to remember a PG joke besides the Pulp Fiction one.
I have some prepared for exactly this situation. One straight joke. And one really evil joke. Covers the bases.
Are there any good jokes that aren’t off-color?
I guess then you are a pathetic employer/supervisor to work for?
And does it count if a candidate tells you they see themselves doing your wife in 5 years time?
JOE2010 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > And does it count if a candidate tells you they > see themselves doing your wife in 5 years time? LOL!
I’m an extremely hands off supervisor. All I ask is that my team members get their work done. I don’t care how, when, or where they do it. You’d be amazed at the number of people that can’t handle the freedom. I’m so freaking tired of someone telling me they are a self starter and can operate well in an autonomous work environment when they obviously can’t. That’s the reason I only hire CFA candidates or charter holders. The biggest thing the designation tells me is that the candidate can stick to a schedule and get stuff done.
Amen to that. Now, tell us the best jokes you’ve heard will ya.
murders&executions Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I’m an extremely hands off supervisor. All I ask > is that my team members get their work done. I > don’t care how, when, or where they do it. > > You’d be amazed at the number of people that can’t > handle the freedom. I’m so freaking tired of > someone telling me they are a self starter and can > operate well in an autonomous work environment > when they obviously can’t. That’s the reason I > only hire CFA candidates or charter holders. The > biggest thing the designation tells me is that the > candidate can stick to a schedule and get stuff > done. Let me know the next time you’re hiring. I’ll have 15 minutes of quality standup ready, plus I get things done. ETA: Plus I hate swimming and abbreviating texts.
So what’s the best joke you’ve heard M&E? There are very few jokes that are not offensive, off color, pc, sexist, or corny.
I disagree with this approach b/c I want an accurate idea of how the person will perform at the job. I start off with softball questions and try to ensure the person is comfortable. Then I go into as much depth as possible. My goal is to sell an attractive hire on the idea of working at my company, not to turn people off with pressure cooker tactics.
I’ve allways liked this joke An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.” The American then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” The Mexican said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.” The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise.” The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?” To which the American replied, “15 to 20 years.” “But what then?” asked the Mexican. The American laughed and said that’s the best part. “When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.” “Millions?..Then what?” The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
The difference being that the boat would be a 130’ Feadship, the wine vintage, the children on vacation from private schools and the guitar a classic Martin D-28.
I got stung w/ this on one of my first interviews and managed a feeble reply…since then I’ve made it a point to always a have a PC joke ready…I picked this one out of Playboy many years ago and it’s stuck ever since… Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One doctor stepped forward and said: “I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities.” St. Peter said, “You can enter.” The second doctor said “I was a psychiatrist. I helped people rehabilitate themselves.” St. Peter also invited him in. The third applicant stepped forward and said, “I was an HMO manager. I helped people get cost-effective health care.” St. Peter said, “You can come in too.” But as the HMO manager walked by, St. Peter added, “You can stay three days. After that, you can go to Hell.”
You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets. That joke is adorable.
Maybe off colour, but good for the forum at least: Little Vincenzo is in kindergarden class, and the teacher is trying to illustrate how to subtract. She asks the class, “Okay kids, if I have 3 birds on a hydro wire and I shoot one, how many are left?” Waving his hand irraticly and mumbling in Italian, little Vincenzo repeats “pick me pick me!” The teacher says, “Yes Vinny”. Little Vincenzo answers 0. The teacher asks why 0. Little Vincenzo says, “If there were three birds on a hydro wire and I shot a gun, they would all get scared and fly away”. The teacher replies, “Actually Vinny, the correct anser is 2. If there are 3 birds, and I shoot one, 3-1 = 2. But…I like the way you think.” Little Vincenze nods in understanding and says, “okay Miss, I have a question for you. If there were three women sitting on a park bench, all eating an ice cream cone. One of the women is licking itsoftly, the other is biting into it, and the third is gobbling it down. Which one is married?” Red-faced and embarrassed, the teacher replies, “ugh, ugh, ugh, I don’t know Vinny. The one gobbling it down?” Little Vincenzo replies, “Actually Miss, the corret answer is the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think”.
That`s a great joke.
So Ole is walking back up from the fishing hole with a bucket full of fish when the warden stops him and says: “Hey Ole, you got a license to catch those fish” “Don’t need a license warren, these are my trained pet fish” “Ole, what the heck are you talking about” “Each day, I take this fish down the lake, let them swim in the water for awhile, then call them back into the bucket and we all go home” “Well Ole I don’t believe that for one second” “Come on Warden, I’ll show you” So they walk back down to the lake, and Ole lets the fish back into the lake. “OK Ole, now call the fish back into the bucket” “What fish, Warden?”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.