Normally I have a pretty casual pace around work, 8 to 5 and plenty of coffee time. But this last couple weeks I’ve been dabbling in the capital and corp finance side to prep for the board meeting, and it’s kept me balls out in the office til 10ish, give or take. I love this new pace, but I haven’t touched a book since starting these responsibilities.
So to those of you working the jobs that CFA caters to…well done, I admire your commitment.
I work long hours because I love what I do. Equity investing is something I feel fortunate to be passionate about and is what I would do in my spare time anyway. However, one key difference between buy-side vs. banking/research is that nobody tells me what my hours are. I enjoy hustling for good ideas and I put in the hours because there is a very strong correlation between effort and reward in this business.
I was counseling a 45 year old woman acquaintance who confessed wanted to make a move on a 28 year old guy. She was nervous that he might have a GF, but didn’t know for sure. She had a great excuse to invite him for dinner - he’d helped her on some project.
I told her: invite him for dinner, if he has a GF or is not interested, it’s just dinner saying “thanks for helping.” If he doesn’t have a GF, try flirting and see where it goes. Many guys around that age have an “older woman” fantasy, or maybe just curiosity, so your downside is pretty safe. The worst that can happen is that you have a nice dinner and discover that there’s not going to be more than that.
I learned the next day: She asked him for dinner. He said yes. Then she learned he has a GF. So she disinvites him. Now she feels all awkward. [Facepalm!]
The whole advantage of older people is that they’re supposed to be able to manage these kinds of situations more gracefully, and that maturity can be very attractive.
When she told me that the plan did not go well, I was feeling badly about having suggested it - maybe it was a bad idea. But then she basically described the plan working well, and then she decides to shoot herself in the foot. The worst thing is that she still has to interact with the guy in some situations. If she had just ponied up for dinner, the future would not be so awkward for her.
So true. When she first said it didn’t go well, I felt really bad: as though I had encouraged her to do something that would embarass her. But then I said “we’d already talked about the idea that ‘it’s just a dinner,’ if it’s not going to happen, you’re still going to have dinner.” Never in any of my scenarios did I figure she would disinvite him for having a girlfriend.
And as for not needing to sleep with everyone one is attracted to: once I was able to internalize that (not until my late 20s, unfortunately) my game suddenly got much, much better.
I tend to have the same view myself, and dinner seems to be as good an occasion as any to catch up with anybody. I’ve heard some friends tell me that if you’re taken and you’re having dinner one-on-one with someone of the opposite sex, it can be “disrespectful” to your significant other (assuming he/she takes it that way). But for me, I don’t have much time to step out in the middle of the day to meet up with people, and I also don’t drink much, so if I’m going to catch up with a friend (and only a friend) then when else would it happen? I have to eat dinner anyway.
I think it depends on the manner in which she “disinvited” him. Consider:
Situation A - Girl asks guy to dinner. Guy says, “Well, that’s cool, but I need to check with my girlfriend first.” Woman says, “Well, if it’s a problem, don’t worry about it. Don’t want to cause trouble.” Guy says, “That’s probably best. But I really appreciate the offer, though!”
Situation B - Girl asks guy to dinner. Guy says, “Well, that’s cool, buy I need to check with my girlfriend first.” Woman says, “You have a girlfriend? Well then nevermind, because I was anticipating a nice romantic dinner with a nightcap at the end. If you’re not down with that, then I don’t want to go out with you.”
The result is still the same. We don’t know if it was more like A or B.